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1. Momofuku seasoned salts from the great David Chang (you may know him from watching Netflix's Ugly Delicious) that'll help you bring all new flavors to your boring weeknight dinners.
2. A trio of Great British Bake Off-inspired stickers you can add to your laptop or water bottle to keep you company while you anxiously wait to see who is deserving of a Paul Hollywood handshake.
3. A Le Creuset Signature Round Dutch Oven that'll make your kitchen look just as legit as Ina Garten's *and* hopefully make meals as delicious as hers.
4. A mini fridge/freezer with a retro vibe you can use to carefully recreate Rachael Ray's kitchen (without fully committing to a full-sized version).
5. A five-in-one wine aerator, stopper, pourer, filter, and re-corker that'll become your most prized possession — what chef wouldn't enjoy sipping on some vino while they (or while watching someone else) cook?
6. And The Wand, a handheld filter designed to remove the histamines and sulfites in alcohol that may trigger headaches and hangovers. This lil' gadget will ensure you'll always be up for making an intricate breakfast (no matter what you did the night before).
7. Claire Saffitz's book, Dessert Person, because if we're being honest, we both know you and I have both watched every single episode of Gourmet Makes.
8. A selfie ring light so you can stream on Instagram Live and have perfect lighting while showcasing the delicious recipe you just created.
9. And a public-speaking course from GoSkills that'll ensure you can relay all the necessary steps for making your fried chicken with flawless diction and clarity.
10. Rubbermaid FreshWorks storage containers with venting technology to help keep your produce fresher for longer — no more reaching for your must-include ingredients only to discover they've gotten soggy.
11. A tortilla press that'll help you take your Taco Tuesdays to the next level without going above and beyond your minimal cooking skill level.
12. A bottle of Truff truffle-infused hot sauce you'll probably want to start planning your meals around — it's THAT good.
13. A seasoning kit from Spiceology that'll give you the perfect opportunity to yell "BAM!" like Emeril.
14. A new set of nonstick pots and pans, free of toxic metals so you can keep on cooking without fear of ingesting anything you shouldn't be.
15. An artfully designed Julia Child quote anyone who has been watching cooking shows from day one will certainly want in their kitchen.
16. A handheld knife sharpener you can use to bring your most-used kitchen utensils back to life in a flash without destroying your countertop or cutting boards. Bobby Flay would be proud.
17. And cut resistant gloves — a must-have for any "chef" who isn't super confident in their knife skills and would like to keep all of their digits.
18. A Flavortown mug you'll definitely get *tons* of compliments on (if not, at the very least, some quizzical glances).
19. An apron with built-in oven mitts and a sewn-in conversion chart that'll protect and leave you looking like you're in the midst of trying to win Cupcake Wars.
20. Chrissy Teigen's Cravings and Cravings: Hungry for More cookbooks, so you can replicate her mouthwatering recipes for banana bread, mac and cheese, or John Legend's "Frito Pie" (don't knock it 'til you try it).
21. A pack of oven liners to protect the bottom of your oven from any overflow/oozing and let you continue on pretending you're competing on The Great British Baking Show worry-free.
22. A brown sugar bear that is as cute as it is functional and'll keep your sugar from getting hard as a rock over time. Do you hear that? It's Duff Goldman applauding you.
23. A Le Creuset cast-iron pan for the serious chef who has been dying to get the *perfect* crust on their steak but hasn't had the right pan to really GET there.
24. A rapid egg cooker that'll assist you in making eggs so beautifully they'd make Alton Brown cry tears of joy.
25. A quirky peeler so you can ~monkey around~ in the kitchen while catching up on your favorite Tasty videos.
26. A muffin pan decked out in confetti to ensure every time you try a new recipe it'll feel like a party (even if your cupcakes sink in the middle, it's fine. Totally fine.).
27. A Mastering the Art of French Cooking book pin you can wear in honor of the, dare I say, greatest TV chef of all time. Love you, Julia.
28. A breakfast sandwich maker for those days you find yourself wishing you lived with The Pioneer Woman but realize, darnit, you don't, so you'll just have to make yourself brunch forever.
29. A nickel and marbled serving stand, so you can properly display (and photograph) the homemade treats you just perfectly recreated from a recipe book. Bravo!
30. A nonstick donut pan you'll be so glad you own after re-watching that old donut episode of Unwrapped.
31. A sweatshirt that'll show off the Tasty recipe for spaghetti and meatballs you *had* to try after watching the video on a loop for an entire day.
32. A KitchenAid hand mixer to help you create that whipped coffee everyone's been talking about without wearing out your arm.
33. Guy Fieri earrings that'll probably make you want to shout “Holy moly, Stromboli!” when you first put them on.
34. A culinary blow torch so you can *finally* make your own baked Alaska after watching various chefs do it on TV for years.
35. A pot holder that'll reiterate what you hear yourself saying in your head every time you go to make a cake.
36. And an Anthony Bourdain prayer candle you use to keep you company as adventure through various countries and learn about food from all over the world while watching Parts Unknown.
Actual footage of me opening the pile of packages I'm about to get from shopping this post:
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