Today's Elections Explained For People Who Haven't Been Paying Attention
There are elections all across the UK today, so we googled some things for you.
Perhaps you've heard your friends talking about how there are lots of elections taking place all over the UK on Thursday.
Fox / BuzzFeed
Or maybe you haven't, because your friends are cool.
That's because it's time to make some boring but important decisions about local British politics.
Like who should replace this elegant gentleman as mayor of London.
OK, but guess what? London isn't the only part of the UK, prick.
There's plenty of other non-London things going on, literally everywhere else.
Anyway, let's take a closer look at these lads, the main contenders for mayor of London.
Chris Ratcliffe / Getty Images
As you can see, one is a big one and one is a little one, and both are boys.
First up there's the Conservative candidate, Zac Goldsmith, seen here about to be hit by a bus.
Ben Pruchnie / Getty Images
He was trailing
by nine points in a poll on the eve of the election. 👎 🏻👎 🏻👎🏻
Adrian Dennis / AFP / Getty Images
Even so, he said in
an interview with LBC that he still hoped to "do a bit of a Leicester City, zoom in from behind and win", which is not even close to what Leicester City actually did, so RIP Zac Goldsmith, I guess.
The Tories have been saying Khan – who would be London's first Muslim mayor – is "
quite dangerous", which lots of people have been very 😒 at.
Carl Court / Getty Images
But Labour and the Conservatives are of course not the only parties with candidates for mayor! There are also the Greens, whose candidate, Sian Berry, is pictured here with her supporters.
Veselovaelena / Getty Images
There's also Sophie Walker, the candidate for the Women's Equality party, a brand-new party that panders to a tiny minority of voters: women.
Chris Ratcliffe / Getty Images
And there's also this other party, the "Liberal Democrats", but nobody has ever met them and we cannot confirm that they or their candidate, Caroline Pidgeon, actually exist.
Matt Cardy / Getty Images
Meanwhile in Wales, two dragons do a great battle.
"battle for second place" in the Welsh assembly elections between the Conservatives and Plaid Cymru – while Labour has a comfortable lead.
Northern Ireland also has assembly elections, but with completely different political parties to the rest of the UK, because ~~ history ~~.
Also, they don't form governments in the same way – lots of different parties get to have ministers in the executive, where they have to work together even if they kind of hate each other, which is all very grown up, in an awkward dinner party sort of way.
The two biggest parties are the DUP (who are unionists) and Sinn Féin (who really, really aren't unionists). That probably won't change, so they'll get to spend five more years running Northern Ireland together in joyous harmony.
ALSO, all over Britain there will be elections to local councils, a noble democratic exercise to pick the heroes who will defend political interests a bit closer to home.
(Maybe they should take their rubbish and................
BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! There are also police and crime commissioner elections. You are too bored by this point to learn more, so here's a great crime-fighting Tumblr dog.
Also, Bristol and Liverpool are electing new mayors, yay, and London is electing a new assembly, yay, wow, isn't democracy grand!
OK, at this point maybe you're wondering, "But what can *I* vote for, I only care about MYSELF, I'm such a millennial, me me me me!"
CBS / Via
Wow, you're such a CLASSIC millennial, or older self-absorbed person.
Luckily you can use the hip young right-on technology of
this fancy tool to put in your postcode and find out exactly what elections you're up against.
And by NOW you must be asking yourself, "When will I know what election result things have happened????????????????????"
For some of these elections, the results trickle in all the way till Sunday, though you should find out most of the Scottish and Welsh results overnight, if you stay up like a nerrrrrd.
For the London election, you'll know some time in the evening on Friday, because Londoners are too lazy to start counting until the next morning.
Anyway, that's how you do a local democracy.
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