Are Men Okay? Because These 21 First Date Horror Stories Say Otherwise
"He ate an entire jar of full-sized garlic pickles in the middle of the coffee shop."
Dating can be such a cruel and unforgiving game. It's not all meet-cutes and love at first sight. Sometimes, dates are downright awful. We asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us their wildest first date horror stories. We also browsed a Reddit thread started by u/jlyfshhh that shared even more painful stories. Turns out that men can act REAL WEIRD on dates. Here are some of the wildest ways men have behaved on first dates:
1. "I went on a date with a guy from an app, and we were chatting about our interests. He said one of his hobbies was writing short stories. Then, he pulled one out and insisted I read it during the date. It was over 20 pages long! It was about a guy and a girl dating from the guy's POV. The story ended with the guy killing the girl and putting her body in her trunk. 'Didn't see that coming, did ya?' he asked. Check, please."
2. "A guy had been pursuing me for ages, and I finally agreed to go out with him, so we went for coffee and a walk around town. He brought sandwiches wrapped in tin foil just for himself and carried them in his pocket. He sensed things weren't going well, and as we were walking through a department store, in a desperate attempt to forge connection, he tried to hold my hand, which I rejected. So he knelt on the floor and told me he loved me right in the middle of the underwear section."
3. "I met up with a guy to go out for wings. Before we even ate, he looked me up and down, grabbed my hand as though he was going to kiss it, and then licked it from the tip of my wrist to the tip of my finger. I simply said, 'Well, I'm out of here,' and walked straight out the door to my car and sanitized my hands."
4. "Many years ago, I matched with a guy on OkCupid. His first comment to me was, 'If we hit it off, and we will, we can’t go back to my place because I live with my mum, and she thinks I’m a virgin.' We had an OK date, but then he insisted we go for a walk. He dragged me into a dark spot on the path, literally stuck his tongue down my throat, and then licked the side of my face. He then purred, 'My dick is massive, isn’t it?' followed by 'You must be so sex-deprived because most guys won’t date fat chicks. I bet you can’t wait to ride my beer-can dick.' To cap it off, he said, 'I’m a McDonald's manager. I can get your ass even fatter. You like that?'"
5. "One time, I met a guy at a coffee shop for a date. He reached into his bag and pulled out a jar of full-sized garlic pickles and a six-pack of Dr. Brown's diet cherry soda. He consumed all of it within 20 minutes. He then got up and walked outside. I followed him, as I was pretty sure he was gonna barf. He didn't! But, then he announced that he was going to be late for work and tried to kiss me. I dodged him so hard I think I got whiplash."
6. "In college, a guy in my class asked if I wanted to go to a soccer match. We got to the field, and I quickly realized we were there to watch children’s soccer. He took me to his little sister’s match. We sat with his dad and stepmom, and I had to make awkward conversation with them. After the game, his little sister asked if I was his girlfriend. He answered, 'Yes,' at the exact moment I answered, 'No.' That was our first and only date."
7. "I once went on a Tinder date, and upon arriving at the 'cocktail lounge' where he had asked me to meet him, I realized it was a strip club. He was standing outside waiting for me, and when I told him I wasn’t comfortable drinking there, he said he had to be there because it was his friend’s bachelor party, and he was the best man. I told him to have fun, and left."
8. "I met a guy from Bumble for lunch. I asked him the typical first date questions, which he answered, though he never asked me anything. He was Jewish, so I asked about his faith because I didn't know much about it. He got himself on the topic of circumcision and went on a 10-minute rant about its pros and cons. I never thought I would hear that much about penises on a first date."
9. "I met up with a guy to see a movie, and we got there really early, so he made me hold $20 worth of tokens while he played arcade games. Then, he said he had invited HIS DAD to join us for the movie because they had been estranged from one another until recently. The dad showed up and was totally surprised to see me there. We all went into the theater, and his dad ended up sitting in the row behind us. It was awkward as fuck!"
10. "For my first date with this guy, we drove 45 minutes to a lake where people were kiteboarding. He pulled out his kite and strapped in while saying, 'I'm still new, but I've done it before. You can watch and go after me.' I watched this dummy take a running leap and immediately get thrown 12 feet in the air before falling hard on his shoulder. He thought it was broken and wanted to go to the ER. We were in the middle of nowhere, he couldn't drive, and we had taken his stick-shift truck. I tried my best to drive stick for the first time while navigating with a map to find the nearest hospital. We spent the next six hours in the ER together while I learned way too much about his medical history and had to talk on the phone with his mom to tell her what happened. We never spoke again."
11. "Twenty minutes into the date, he asked me to move in with him. Then, his mother wouldn't stop calling me, telling me to give him a second chance. When I blocked his mother, too, he showed up at my workplace with 'romantic gifts' multiple times."
12. "The guy immediately started talking about wanting to marry me. I had no problem with it at first because I respect a person who wants to be serious. But it kind of rubbed me the wrong way when he said that we should get married within a year when I literally did not know him. Also, he said he wanted us to move to another country together and not visit home for eight years. WTF? I barely knew this guy, and he was telling me I should be separated from my parents and family in another country for eight years. The kicker was when he told me to forget about school and that all my life was good for was being a stay-at-home mom."
13. "I'd been texting this guy from my gym, and we decided to go out. He immediately told me how he met a gorgeous girl on a trip the past weekend and regretted never getting her number. I laughed because I thought he was joking, but he was dead serious. Somehow I made it through dinner, but then I had to drive him home. He went in for a kiss, which I politely dodged. He texted me after and asked if he'd dropped a hundred dollar bill in my car. There was no money, so I told him no. He said, 'Well, whatever. You can just keep it if you're not going to tell the truth.'"
14. "He lived about an hour away from me but insisted on picking me up and driving me back to his city to go dancing. He refused to set a time to pick me up, so I waited for hours. When we finally got there, he left me in a corner and spent 99% of our date with his dance partner, whom he competed with. The one time he grabbed me to dance, he gave up less than halfway through because I was struggling to follow his lead."
15. "It was 2004, and this guy I worked with asked me out. He picked me up but said he forgot his jacket and asked if we could swing by his house and get it. I agreed, and as we entered his apartment, we were greeted by his parents and grandparents. There were also some aunts, uncles, and other family members there. An aunt told me they were all there to meet me. The guy insisted we stay for dinner and a movie. We watched that 9/11 conspiracy movie, and the whole family completely believed it."
16. "We went to a diner after a show, and he wanted to read me a poem he’d written about his dead grandmother’s garden. I wasn’t uncomfortable with the poem or its subject matter, but I was uncomfortable with the fact that his performance was at FULL VOLUME. Everyone in the restaurant was staring, and I wanted to crawl under the table. It was mortifying."
17. "I met this guy at a bar in college, and he asked me out. He showed up two hours late with three of his friends. He said we were all going bowling, but none of them actually had money to bowl. We just hung out by the arcade section, which they also didn’t have any money for. Two girls then showed up, so we all left and went to IHOP. They treated our waitress horribly and only left her a $1 tip, which they put into a glass of water mixed with blueberries. On the way out, I apologized to her and handed her all the money I had."
18. "It was never going to work. He was the world's pickiest eater and said he liked nothing but meat and pasta (no sauce). He made xenophobic remarks. We had absolutely nothing in common. The last straw (pun intended) was when his drink came. He looked disgusted and said he wasn't going to drink it. Why? Because it came with a pink straw and he was a man. I even had to explain the word 'homophobe' to him."
19. "I went on a date with a guy from high school who was two grades ahead of me. He gave me flowers, but then proceeded to make fun of my outfit and said the purse I was carrying made me look 'poor.' We went to the movies and it was OK, but afterwards he insisted we go to a party. Well, the party was at his ex-girlfriend’s mansion, and he spent the entire time talking to her. At one point, they started arguing and she said, 'You show up to my house with some slut and want to get back together with me? Screw you!' I ended up finding a ride home. The next day, he told me he was completely done with his ex and asked when we could hang out again. I didn’t even reply."
20. "I went on a terrible date once where the guy took his watch off in the movie theater and asked me to hold it for him in my purse. I thought it was kind of odd at the moment, but then completely forgot about it later on. He kept trying to feel me up the whole time until we finally called it quits and went home. The next day, he blew up my phone telling me to return his 'Rolex' that he accidentally forgot in my purse. I guess that was his safety to make sure I had to see him again. I met him at a gas station, gave it back, and blocked his number after he wouldn't stop calling me."
21. Finally: "We went to eat, and he excused himself to use the restroom. He texted me from the bathroom that he was thinking about me. FROM THE BATHROOM."
Have you ever been on a terrible or truly unbelievable first date with a man? We are dying to hear your story! Tell us about your unusual date in the comments below.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.