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    36 Nightmare Customers Who Have No Manners, But A Buttload Of Audacity

    Ma'am, you can't return clothes because you pooped in them.

    It's truly no secret that folks who work in retail are unsung heroes. For every polite and easy customer they encounter, it seems as though they have to deal with a dozen nasty ones.

    There are so many awful customers out there that a new Reddit thread seems to pop up every few months in which retail workers share their harrowing stories dealing with these difficult people. Here are some of the wildest stories I've come across so far:

    1. "A customer brought back a jumpsuit for a refund because it had shit in it. She claimed it was like that when she bought it. It stank so bad that you could smell it through the taped-up plastic bags she had put it in. It would never have gone unnoticed by the changing room staff, the customer, or the cashier if she actually bought it like that. Someone at the refund counter actually accepted it and put it in the trolley full of other returned items for us to put back out. There was a note stapled to it that said, 'Warning: feces inside.'"

    Disgusted Rosa Diaz covering her nose

    2. "I work at McDonald's and this happened just a few days ago. I handed a woman her tray and asked if she needed sugar with her coffee. She turned her nose up and said, 'I won’t answer. You all are not educated.'"

    Johnny Rose asking, "What the hell?"

    3. "I used to work in concessions at a movie theater. One time, our popcorn kettle caught on fire. Smoke filled the lobby and I was using a fire extinguisher to put out the fire, all while a customer stood at the counter and yelled at me that she still wanted popcorn. I could barely even see her through the smoke."

    distraught rebecca bunch

    4. "I worked at a gas station. Once, a guy came in, grabbed a foot-long sub from the sandwich case, opened it up, pulled a hair out of his own head, and stuffed it in the sandwich. He came up to the register and demanded a refund."

    Wide-eyed and nervous Donald Glover

    5. "We had a patient call the police on us because she came to our dentist's office for an appointment that she didn’t have. She insisted that we see her at that very moment, and when we explained we were fully booked and would have to schedule her another day, she went ballistic and called the police. She went outside to meet the police and never came back inside! Truly bizarre!"

    Ron Swanson asking what the hell just happened

    6. "When I was a manager at a health food grocery store, a customer was perplexed that we did not stock 'goat eggs.' I gently explained to her that goats do not lay eggs, and she went on a rampage saying that our store was supposed to carry EVERYTHING. She demanded to speak with the manager. I was the manager."

    Angry retail worker staring at a customer

    7. "A woman came in, grabbed an herb-roasted rotisserie chicken, plopped down in the casual seating area, ate 85% of it with her bare hands, then brought the carcass to customer service and tried to return it."

    Gasping J.Lo

    8. "I once had a customer scream obscenities at me because apparently we sold her burnt pizza multiple times. I worked at a take-and-bake pizza place, so she cooked the pizzas herself. But I guess somehow it was our fault she didn't know how to use an oven."

    Disgusted Nick Miller

    9. "My favorite incident was when I worked at the deli counter and an 80-year-old accused me of attempting to sell her 'fraudulent turkey' because the slices tore if you cut them more than two millimeters thick. She yelled, 'That's not turkey! I know my turkey!'"

    Disturbed Monica Geller

    10. "Our store is carryout only — we don’t deliver the pizzas we make. We once had a customer call and have a long and angry conversation with me because I wouldn’t deliver to her. She proceeded to say (a couple of times), 'You must be new here. I know the owner personally,' to which I responded, 'Well, I’m the owner's daughter, and we don’t deliver.'"

    Tahani Al-Jamil trying to hold in her laughter

    11. "Someone yelled at me because her fries were deep-fried. I had to resist the urge to give her raw fries."

    shocked michael bluth

    12. "I worked at a family-friendly resort hotel. As this one guest was unloading her car to check in, a bird pooped on her Coach purse. At the check-in counter, she demanded we pay for a replacement purse, since 'our bird' ruined her purse. My coworker smiled and said, 'How do you know the bird doesn't belong to the hotel next door?'"

    jake peralta amused

    13. "I had a woman try to return something without actually bringing the item."

    Mr. Krabs with one eye twitching

    14. "I used to work at a game store. One time, a woman came in and asked for two PSPs, two Xbox 360s, and a handful of games and accessories. When it was time to pay, she handed me a 'credit card' that was not laminated and appeared to come from a home printer. I told her the card wouldn’t work and she told me to scan it anyway. I scanned her fake credit card, which clearly didn't have a magnetic strip, and of course it didn't work. She told me to just type the number in on the computer. I refused, and she told me she would be back with cash. I put everything back on the shelves. She did not return."

    Cringing Fleabag

    15. "I sold a guy a phone years ago when I worked for a wireless carrier. I spent an hour getting all his information transferred and setting up the phone. He came in the next day with a shattered screen. Apparently he didn’t remember that I was the rep who helped him and proceeded to tell me that the phone was like that when he left the store. Needless to say, the phone was not replaced."

    Annoyed Michael Scott

    16. "I worked at Ulta, and someone tried to return some liter-sized bottles of shampoo and conditioner, but they had filled them with water and froze them. The temperature and condensation were a dead giveaway, so we refused to return their items. They proceeded to call corporate and complain, so they got a $100 gift certificate and we got bitched at."

    Screaming Jess Day

    17. "I was working at a place that had soft-serve ice cream on the menu. One day, a lady came to the counter and said, 'I'm really sorry, but my daughter dropped her ice cream and she's really sad about it. Do you think you could give me another?' I was about to, then I realized our ice cream machine was broken that day and we hadn't sold any. I looked back at her and told her that the ice cream must've not been from us because of the machine. She turned bright red and mumbled, 'Oh, then I guess it must be from Dairy Queen or something,' and left quickly."

    Shocked and annoyed Rachel Green

    18. "I worked at Aldi, which has a return policy where you get your money back plus an item of equal or lesser value. One customer routinely returned a gallon of milk with just a quarter remaining, claiming it was 'rancid.' He’d then get a new gallon and his money back. This went on almost daily for two weeks until the district manager finally put his foot down."

    Stressed Charlie Day rubbing his head

    19. "A customer called my company and complained that my shirt was untucked so that they could get free coupons. This woman made such a mess out of nothing, and I almost got written up over it."

    Crying Kelly Kapoor

    20. "This person came in with a coupon for a free iPod. The fine print said, 'Guaranteed and payable by Bill Gates.' I asked why Bill Gates would pay for an Apple product. They left."

    confused barney stinson

    21. "I worked in a grocery store. One night, a guy kept walking back and forth in front of the doors while jerking a plastic bag around. Finally, after his third try, a big jug of wine broke through the bottom of the bag and smashed right in front of the doors. He started yelling that our bags were crap and that we better get him another bottle. I walked him outside and told him we couldn’t replace it because we didn’t have any wine jugs filled with black cherry Kool-Aid. No, wine doesn’t smell like that."

    Cringing Rashida Jones

    22. "I was working customer service, and part of my job was to answer any incoming phone calls. We got a call from a guy claiming to be from technical support. He told me that he wanted to update our systems, and to do so, I needed to follow his instructions. I obviously knew this was a scam but decided to play along. He told me to log in to our computer, ring up a gift card for $100, say he paid cash, then read off the gift card number for him. He said that would update our systems! Still the funniest scam attempt I've ever seen."

    Gasping Hannah Montana

    23. "I wouldn't take a raw rotisserie chicken out of the oven and sell it to a customer, so they threw a gallon of milk at me."

    Woman rubbing her head in frustration

    24. "I worked at Arby's, and we closed for a week while our store got remodeled. We were all there one day during that week preparing to reopen when someone called and claimed we'd messed up their drive-thru order the previous day. They demanded that we remake their order for free. The manager had to fight laughter while telling him that we'd been closed for a week."

    Cringing David Rose

    25. "When I was at Little Caesars, this lady came in with her pizza box and proceeded to tell the cashier she had bought the pizza the previous day and it was burnt, so she wanted a new one. There were only two slices left in the box, and it was a day old. They still gave her a new pizza. Not worth the fight for a $5 Hot-n-Ready."

    Shocked Tituss Burgess

    26. "I once saw someone trying to return an empty 10-pound bag of ice because it had melted too quickly."

    Squidward having a breakdown behind the register

    27. "I work at the fish counter in a supermarket. A few months ago, a guy in a cowboy hat actually threw the fish I had just handed him back at me because he didn't like the way I had wrapped it. Unfortunately for him, it was his second incident. He has been banned for a year by security."

    Angry Kristen Bell

    28. "I worked at Chick-fil-A in high school and had a woman yell at me because I wouldn’t sell her a cheeseburger."

    annoyed donna meagle

    29. "Today, an old woman got mad at one of my coworkers because he didn’t know what school her granddaughter went to."

    Shocked Oprah

    30. "Just the other day, a women screamed at me because our restaurant has Sweet'n Low instead of Splenda. When I gave her the sweetener, she yelled in my face about how insulted she was that I would give her such garbage. Even after finding her some brown sugar in the kitchen, she was unpleasant for the rest of her meal."

    Squidward slamming his head on the register

    31. "I worked in a charity bookshop and my first customer ever yelled at me because I told her we didn't sell bowling balls. I have no idea how I lasted two years at that place."

    Jim Halpert asking "What the going on?"

    32. "I’m a server, and one time a customer asked for double the meat on a meat lover's pizza that already came with four types of meat on it. Well, he got the pizza and yelled at me, refused to tip, and left a bad review about me all because there was too much meat on it. Again, he wanted double meat on a pizza that already came with four types of meat. I even offered to make him a new one with less meat and he declined four times. He sat there the whole time picking off the meat one piece at a time."

    Shocked Nicole Byer

    33. "My first job was at a grocery store, and they had just started charging for plastic bags. This one guy didn’t want to pay the five pence, so he threw a block of cheese at my head!"

    Man and woman bagging groceries

    34. "I once had an older man yell at me for not giving him his change in two dollar bills. He demanded to know why we didn’t have two dollars bills. Maybe because they’re not in circulation and we were a pizza shop? He also informed me that they’re worth twice as much as one dollar bills (uh, duh). He made me give him his change in quarters because he refused to take dollar bills. I thought he was just trying to be funny, but a few minutes later, a customer came in and said, 'Did you know there’s an old man outside yelling about two dollar bills?'"

    Screaming Ilana Glazer

    35. "Postal office clerk here. One customer screamed at me when I told her we couldn't send her mail because it had no address on it. Yup, no address — just the person's name. She then proceeded to yell that she always sends letters like that and that her letters always arrive that way."

    Shocked Leslie Knope

    36. Finally: "I used to bartend. This lady came up to the bar and said she had dropped her phone in the toilet. I was like, 'Oh wow, that sucks!' She said, 'Well aren't you going to go get it out for me?' She left the phone sitting in the toilet she'd just used. I politely reminded her that I was a bartender not a toilet-phone-recoverer. She called me a choice name and stormed off."

    shocked carrie bradshaw

    Have you ever dealt with or witnessed a nightmare customer in action? Tell us your story in the comments below!

    Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.