My monster of a cat can open anything with a handle - the straight bar kind. It was hilarious until he turned a tap on and the kitchen sink overflowed. Then he started letting himself outside by opening window latches and hopping out - and my house got broken into via one of these…Â
Ducks have corkscrew penises.
Also, otters are rapists, and are known to kidnap baby seals, hold their heads underwater until the die, and continue raping the corpse for up to a week afterwards.
Let’s assume you have a penis. You’re in between your parents, and you’re half an inch in your mother and your father is half an inch in you. Would you rather push forward or back?
If I buy a new thing, like clothes or a new toy for my dog, I have to have a fully clean house before I allow myself to even get the new thing out of the bag or box. It kinda feels like the delight of a single new object then makes everything else feel new. And it motivates me to…Â
I knew that women got pregnant by having sex, but for some reason I assumed that the longer you had sex the more babies you'd have - e.g., have sex for twice as long, get pregnant with twins. Or three times as long: triplets etc.
Myself and the Mrs matched on Tinder about a year & 3 months ago. We've been a cliche since the start: talked all through the night, met for the first time 2 days later and haven't been apart since. It wasn't long before we did the (again cliche) lesbian thing of moving in together…Â
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