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1. A pair of hooks for your AirPods to stop them from slip n' sliding right out of your ears, then onto the sidewalk, then somehow rolling into traffic, then under the wheel of a Ford Explorer, and — well. If you're constantly readjusting your AirPods cuz you have sweaty ears like mine, you get the gist.
2. A sparkling-wine saver that will keep your bubblies bubbling so you can pop your prosecco any day of the week without resigning yourself to wasting the leftovers.
3. An adjustable neck mount for your phone to rescue your poor arm from the ache of holding it up during endless FaceTimes — plus, now with your hands free, virtual dinner or drinks with friends will be a total breeze.
4. And a beauty spatula that'll rescue that last lil' bit of foundation that no amount of wrestling with nozzles or the pull of gravity will free. It's been a lifetime of lost .05-ounce foundation scams, but now you can OUT-SCAM THE SCAM!!
5. A six-outlet wall charger designed specifically for larger chargers that also comes equipped with two USB fast-charging ports *and* a nightlight, so you can get rid of that ugly power strip on the floor you keep tripping on by your bed in the middle of the night.
6. A roll-on migraine stick made with peppermint, spearmint, and lavender oils to help you soothe away those vague headaches you've been trying to ignore until they go away.
7. A polite but firm door sign for anyone whose Zoom calls are constantly getting interrupted by their dogs going bonkers whenever someone dares to approach the door.
8. A set of eye-popping fine-point pens designed specifically not to bleed through pages, so you can write in your planners and journals in peace.
9. A pack of NeuroGum made with a blend of caffeine and nootropics, designed to give you energy five times faster than regular coffee — without jitters or sluggishness afterward. That chronic 3 p.m. slump when you suddenly have the attention span of a goldfish just met its match.
10. A memory foam seat cushion for your tushy so effective at relieving pressure from your tailbone and back that you might not even realize how *much* of a problem you have with your current chair setup until you get that sweet, sweet relief.
11. An internet-beloved time-marked water bottle you can get in a bajillion different colors to remind you to stay hydrated during the day, so you can finally stop halfheartedly chugging water at the end of it and then waking up to pee three times a night.
12. A super quiet, lightweight, portable electric pet nail trimmer that even the most easily spooked pupper or resentful cat will appreciate — its gentle vibrations make the whole process less alarming to their lil' brains, so you won't be negotiating with Whiskers for an hour and before getting the job done.
13. An insulated soundproofing strip that easily sticks to the outer rims of your door so you no longer have to fall asleep to sound of your roommate loudly recording a podcast with someone over Skype.
14. An elegant pure copper face mask chain for when you're in the car between errands. It even comes with two sets of hooks to make sure it'll have a universal fit on any mask you own (and converts to an eyeglasses chain!).
15. A sunrise simulation clock to trick your human brain into thinking you're already dappled in the light of a bright, sunshiny day when you wake up, even if you're up before the sunrise or nowhere near a window.
16. A neuropathy cream made with castor oil, valerian root, peppermint, and hemp flower that may help anyone whose sleep is constantly getting interrupted by chronic pain.
17. A bottle of paleo-friendly, gluten-free avocado hot sauce so you can add a bit of savory and a kick of spice to save all those at-home meals you've been making that have gotten a little, well, boring. (No offense to microwave pizza! She's trying her best.)
18. A popular streak-free anti-fog spray you can quickly apply to eyeglasses, sunglasses, and face shields to prevent them from fogging up while you're wearing a mask.
19. A pair of wireless sleep headphones that will play white noise or the music of your choice in a comfy headband, so you don't have to risk your ears getting sore while ya snooze.
20. A suuuper popular Bio-Oil made with vitamins A and E, chamomile, and lavender — you may recognize it as a product a lot of people use to help fade scars (both old and new), soothe cracked and dry skin, and help moisturize without affecting your pores, but people are also using it in quarantine to help with dry and painful skin on their hands from hand-washing and sanitizing.
21. A bunch of Miracle-Gro "food spikes" that can bring plants as sad as the tree from A Charlie Brown Christmas back from the brink of death, and then will continuously feed them for 30 to 60 days as a bonus.
22. A set of adhesive cable clips you can stick to your desk to keep your charging cables locked in one convenient place, so your desk will no longer be a veritable jungle of cords that makes you wince every time you see it.
23. A compact Bluetooth-enabled treadmill so small you can actually — gasp?? — do a workout in your studio apartment. This compact lil' bb folds for easy, lightweight storage right under your bed. No muss, no fuss, just steps!
24. A set of Bottle Bright tablets so you can tackle all those stains on your bottles and travel mugs instead of quietly buying new ones every year when it seems like they're past the point of no return.
25. A set of affordable, highly popular (seriously, these have over 100,000 five-star reviews!) wireless Bluetooth earbuds to prevent the wires on your headphones from getting tangled in your mask straps every time you want to pull them off on a walk or a run.
26. A delightfully colorful shortcut keyboard cover so you can easily navigate through (and discover brand new!!) hacks for tricky programs like Adobe Photoshop, Final Cut Pro X, and more instead of typing "how-tos" into Google every two minutes.
27. A Pet House candle with scents engineered to cancel out all those miscellaneous pet odors like litter boxes, dog bed, and all those lil' sprinkles of pee that you've just accepted as "eau de basement" since your pet came into your home.
28. A power scrubber brush you can attach to a DRILL (!!) that basically does all of the hard grime-busting for you, so you don't have to have sore arms for a week just because you dared to wipe down the shower.
29. A set of dishwasher-cleaning tablets you can pop into a cycle with your dirty dishes to wipe out all the extra grime and that funky smell you were low-key hoping would just go away on its own.
30. A foot file just as effective — if not more so! — than going to a salon. This will remove calluses and hard or cracked skin from your feet with some gentle, pain-free rubbing. It works whether your feet are dry or wet at the time, and will leave your heels so soft you might start petting them.
31. A produce-saver storage container designed to keep your fruits and veggies fresh way longer, so you can finally stop surrendering to the race against time when your produce goes bad faster than you can finish it.
32. A broom for pet and human hair that can work on any type of floor, but is specifically designed to pull up the kind of pet hair that's so deep in the carpet you've just learned to live with it. (Trust me, your actual carpet is probably a different color than you think.)
33. A ring size adjuster for loose rings, so you can finally stop checking every eight minutes to make sure you're ring is, in fact, on your finger, and not rolling behind your furniture.
34. A set of bed bands that will lock your fitted sheets neatly into place so you can stop shoving the loose corners under your duvet whenever you're too tired to remake your whole bed in the morning.
35. A seat gap filler so nobody will never again have to sacrifice a beloved french fry and/or phone to the abyss between the seat and the console.
36. A set of slow cooker liners so you can finally go *ham* with all those hard-to-clean recipes in your slow cooker that you stopped making after a half hour of prep led to an hour of soaking and scraping the remnants clean.
37. An electric wine opener to save soooo much time and effort — this rechargeable bb will safely pop it open in six seconds without any of the hassle.
38. A bottle of Londontown Kur smudge-correcting nail polish to basically vanish away those marks you get when you use your recently nail-polished hand to open a large bag full of chips a little too aggressively*, and just have to live with the blunder.
39. A soft silicone ear-saver and mask-extender that works overtime on problem-solving — not only does it take some of the pressure off your ears, but it helps make a more personalized fit on masks with elastic straps that don't *quite* fit your face.
40. A sleep-focused essential oils blend made with chamomile, sage, and lavender to help soothe anxiety and reduce stress before bedtime.
41. A set of face mask storage clips your can use to keep your masks separate from the rest of your stuff while you're out and about.
42. A set of soft, workout-friendly Reebok face masks for anyone still struggling to find a decent mask to work out in — it's the best errand-running and *literal* running mask I've tried so far.
43. Plus an anti-fog accessible face mask with a clear window to benefit the deaf and hard-of-hearing and ASL interpreters. This may also be a good solution for teachers of younger kids who rely on social cues like smiling and expression more than older kids who understand what the masks are in place for.
44. A set of itty bitty dermaplaning razors you can use to take care of those lil' unibrow hairs that keep dodging your tweezers or work whatever face fuzzies you might want to take care of in a gentle way — an especially handy tool when many of us can't head to a salon like we normally would.
45. A contoured sleep mask designed to alleviate pressure from your eyes and plunge you into total delicious darkness, while staying put on your head without any Velcro snagging in your hair.
46. A Wi-Fi-connected movie projector that easily converts any wall, both indoor and outdoor, into a personal theater. Once you sync it with a device like your phone or laptop, you can use it for socially-distanced gatherings to project your fave Disney movies, at-home workouts, and even to play video games without having to cramp everybody inside a closed space.
47. A battery-operated depiller you can use to restore old fabrics to their former glory, instead of living with nice sweaters that all look like they got in a fight with a character on Sesame Street.
48. A shampoo scalp massager you can use in the shower to massage and exfoliate your scalp, giving an *actual* solution to that grease build-up you sometimes get at your roots that makes you have to shower or use dry shampoo more often than you'd like.
49. A cold brew coffee maker to prevent you from wincing every time you see the identical weekday charges from the coffee shop on your bank statement. This is so gloriously easy to use that all you have to do is stick your favorite ground coffee in the filter, seal the airtight lid on top, and pop it in the fridge overnight. Boom, four cups of cold brew, fraction of the price.
50. A flexible universal tablet stand so you don't have to crane your neck or tire out your arms just to marathon reruns of Parks and Rec in peace.
51. A selfie ring light so you can finally stop feeling self-conscious on game night Zoom calls where all your friends look well-lit enough to live with the Kardashians and for some reason your apartment looks like a medieval dungeon.
52. A pet urine stain-removing spray that instantly tackles both old and new stains *plus* the funky smell, so you can enjoy the new quality time you might be getting with your pet without sacrificing your nostrils.
53. A set of tiny Command strips perfect for anyone who is constantly forgetting their face masks at the door, and wants an easy, non-permanent way to have them at the ready.
54. A blister-preventing balm so you can stop chanting "beauty is pain" to yourself every time you have to break in a pair of boots, sandals, or heels.
You five minutes after that sleep-focused essential oil blend starts wafting through your room in 2021:
