Harry goes to see Lupin, who is definitely not a werewolf.
"And your name is Potter."
For totally non-werewolf reasons, Snape is covering Lupin's class.
"Turn to page three hundred and ninety..."
"Four."
Harry's all like, "I told you," and Snape is all like, "Shut..."
And Hermione is all like.
Sportsball time!
Unfortunately no Wood in this film. So here's an old one.
Harry's shaft freezes.
The Dementors attack, Harry falls off his broom, and Gambondore calls off the game.
After waking up in hospital (again), Harry asks Lupin to teach him how to fight off Dementors.
At this point, Harry does some acting, and contemplates some heavy shit.
With his brain hurting from too many thinks, he decides to sneak into Hogsmeade.
In Hogsmeade, Harry sneaks into a room where he gets some terrible news.
Oh, and also that Sirius Black is his godfather.
Hermione and Ron find Harry crying.
"They were lip-synching!"
"Oh I love Milli Vanilli. Almost as much as enunciating."
"Like that scary house over there. I bet that has something to do with the plot."
"Here's a plot point for you: I'm going to kill Sirius Black."
"Geez, Harry. Why so Sirius?"
"Oh, you guys."
As promised, Lupin teaches Harry how to fight Dementors.
Lupin tells Harry the happy thoughts he needs to conjure the Patronus Charm aren't happy enough, and he needs to think of something else.
"Expecto Patronum!"
Second-time charm's a charm.
"As a matter of interest, what were you thinking? Which memory did you choose?"
Studying the Marauder's Map, Harry sees Peter Pettigrew walking the halls of Hogwarts.
Sirius Black killed Pettigrew. Killed him right in the face.
After a Snape encounter, Harry shows Lupin his map.
"Pettigrew's alive?"
For attacking Draco, Buckbeak has been sentenced to death. Today is the day of his execution.
Dude from Soul Caliber is sharpening his blade.
In retaliation, Hermione nearly kills Draco, but changes her mind.
Important reminder: Hermione is a badass.
Poor Buckbeak.
Thankfully the camera cuts away.
Hermione seeks comfort in Ron's shoulder.
Until Harry "Third Wheel" Potter ruins it.
Ron plays with his pet rat instead.
Then this dog shows up and drags Ron and Scabbers down a hole.
Sensing the need to get the finale started, Harry and Hermione follow along.
It also leads to Sirius Black.
Hermione, ever the badass, steps in front of Harry.
Apparently there isn't a dentist at Azkaban. Or a toothbrush. Or floss.
Lupin arrives and disarms Harry, before turning his attention to Black.
"...Sirius?"
"Give us a hug, you handsome devil!"
Hermione tells everyone she knows Lupin is a werewolf, because of course she did, because of course he is.
Sirius explains that it totes wasn't him. That it was in fact Peter Pettigrew who betrayed Harry's parents.
And when you least expect him... Suprise Snape!
With everyone distracted, Harry goes in for the grope.
Plot twist: Harry disarms Snape.
Harry demands to be shown where Peter Pettigrew is.
"Hang on a minute, dickhead. My name's Ron."
"Typical man, making it all about you."
SCABBERS WAS TIMOTHY SPALL THE WHOLE TIME.
Sirius apologises for biting Ron.
Sirius tells Harry to come and live with him.
Umm. Guys. Full moon. Guys.
But it's too late, and Pettigrew escapes as Lupin transforms.
Sirius tries to protect Harry, Ron, and Hermione from Lupin but he's injured in the process.
Harry tries to help, but his Patronus is rubbish.
A kickass stag Patronus appears out of nowhere and fends off all the Dementors!
In the hospital, Hermione tells Harry that without Pettigrew, the Dementors are going to suck out Sirius' soul.
Here's Gambondore! Luckily he's a badass too, and he has a plan.
Hermione whips out her Time-Turner, and gives it three turns as instructed.
Time travel?!
Rolling back the clock to a few hours earlier, they pull some Back to the Future Part II shenanigans on their past selves, and save Buckbeak.
Then they save their past selves from Lupin.
And finally Harry conjures up a Patronus so DanRad it pwns all the Dementors.
I got a bit emotional.
Escaping on Buckbeak, Harry tells Hermione that it wasn't his dad who conjured the Patronus, after all. It was him.
Hermione breaks Sirius out of his jail cell.
Because he's now a fugitive from justice, Sirius has to say good-bye to Harry.
"Hi ho, Buckbeak!"
Back in the nick of time, Gambondore denies all knowledge of their secret adventure.
And none for Ron Weasleys.
Lupin also says good-bye. Werewolves in teaching positions are frowned upon, apparently.
So Harry does what any teen boy would do.
...and goes flying for a while.
In conclusion, I loved this film. Loved it. I loved Lupin, I loved Sirius. I loved the cinematography and the new Hogwarts. I loved Cuarón's direction.
So the plot had some holes. So what. It was as much fun as ride on a Hippogriff, and then some.