49 Thoughts You Have When Watching "Clueless" For The First Time
Cher, stop trying to make "Monet" happen. It's not going to happen.
1. A montage of TEENS! THE HORROR.
2. This computer that dresses you would actually be very useful, because matching an outfit is an obscure art form that has long been lost to the ravages of time.
3. Men's clothing in the '90s: It was a dark time.
4. "Dionne and I were both named after great singers of the past who now do infomercials." The shade is too real.
5. They have pagers! I had forgotten that pagers even EXISTED.
6. I can now see how "as if" became inexplicably popular in elementary school.
7. Mr. Hall sounds like the dinosaur from Toy Story.
8. Oh. He is the voice of the dinosaur from Toy Story.
9. I don't understand how Cher has a C in debate while another student in the class blatantly refused to participate at all. Is everyone at this school failing debate?
10. A Cranberries CD was mentioned. They really spared no expense in the '90s pop culture references.
11. I can't get over the fact that this character is Paul Rudd. I can't even remember his name; he's just Paul Rudd.
12. Likelihood that your teacher allows you to give her a makeover IRL: 0% chance.
13. Note to self: Never let Paul Rudd be your "driving supervisor." All he'll do is talk your ear off about Marky Mark planting trees.
14. Whenever Cher and Dionne walk through the halls of the school, all I can see is Iggy Azalea in "Fancy."
15. "You guys have coke here?" — That didn't mean what you thought it meant, Cher.
16. Tai isn't like you, Cher. Let her go! Let her be among her people (i.e., the stoners)!
17. "I've never had straight friends before!" Same, Tai. Same.
18. Tai's "makeover" doesn't actually make her look all that different. Maybe it's because everything is already so '90s it can't possibly get MORE '90s?
19. I wonder if teens actually hang photos in their lockers anymore... isn't it just all on their iPhones?
20. Don't go to the party, Cher, you'll only find misery and heartbreak! Start a mock trial club instead!
21. Is a blazer really a realistic thing to wear to a high school house party?
22. Also, is getting hit in the head with a shoe really a "sweep all the Solo cups off the counter" kind of moment?
23. Arguing about the fastest route home from the party: a thing that no one does anymore.
24. I know that I would get along with Cher because I also have zero emotional intelligence.
25. How to pace a classic teen film: Insert a predictable plot twist every 10 minutes.
26. HE HAS A GUN — FORGET ABOUT THE DRESS, CHER!
27. Paul Rudd's "college girlfriend" is the Girl You Wish You Hadn't Started a Conversation With at a Party.
28. Men's clothing in the '90s: Nah, still.
29. Is "nice stems" really a thing people said, or is Christian an extra from the movie Grease who has wandered into this film?
30. Whose teacher HASN'T interrupted their crush-induced daydream with the phrase "Are you ready for your oral?"
31. Isn't it weird for Cher and Paul Rudd that their parents did sex at each other?
32. As it turns out, awkward dancing is an American tradition that transcends the decades.
33. There are more makeover montages in this film than in an entire season of America's Next Top Model. DO ALL THE MAKEOVERS AT THE SAME TIME LIKE TYRA DOES.
34. "Let's not go swimming and instead watch this homoerotic movie I brought!" —Free date idea from Christian
35. The fact that Cher can't flirt is one of the few endearing things about her.
36. This freeway excursion: JUST LET JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL.
37. Not gonna lie, falling over the rail at the mall is one of my greatest fears.
38. No, Tai, you can't flirt with Paul Rudd; HE BELONGS TO CHER!
39. Too bad Cher couldn't have seen Mean Girls because this whole situation could have been prevented.
40. This movie has begun to turn me into a teenage girl.
41. Tai is that one friend you have who completely ignores your problems and steamrolls you with their own issues for 40 minutes while you sit there patiently.
42. The parenting in this movie is definitely the realest part of the whole thing. We should all aspire to be Cher's dad.
43. "Let's never fight again, OK?" —A sincere thought in 1995, a passive-aggressive statement in 2014
44. When I was in high school I also became a philanthropist for a short time, but that was to get into college, not for the karma.
45. "Did I really ruin daddy's lawsuit?" is perhaps the most awkward start to a romantic conversation of all time.
46. ❤ THE MAGIC OF YOUNG LOVE ❤
47. Cher is living the dream of nerds everywhere: getting invited to your teachers' wedding.
48. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that there is a sassy, well-dressed teenage girl within all of us that we should get in touch with more often.
49. Never going back to those giant phones though. AS IF!