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1. A special nonstick brownie pan if you can't stop shrieking about your brownie preference — every bite should be an edge piece and that is that!
2. A pair of grassy flip-flops for anyone who wants to experience the sensation of grass between their toes year-round. It's Fashion, look it up!!
3. A pimple-popping toy to give you just the satisfying stress relief without the scarring and redness that often accompanies it.
4. A throwback Justin Beiber dental floss, because baby baby baby oh, if there's one thing you love more than dental hygiene, it's getting nostalgic over bowl-cut JB.
5. A shower curtain liner with rows of pockets to hold all your gadgets if you're prone to FOMO while showering. (Y'all have 17 phones?)
6. A Sriracha lip balm, because when you said Sriracha belongs on everything, you meant everything.
7. A hands-free umbrella, if you're tired of juggling all your stuff like a clown (but not that tired of looking like one, if you know what I mean).
8. A 2019 bubble wrap calendar in case the mere thought of popping a bubb is enough to get you through the year — and, honestly, good for you, if true!
9. A Chewbacca sleeping bag you don't have to travel to a galaxy far, far away to get — literally just Amazon.com.
10. A sushi pushpin cushion, because when you're at work you're just like roe. And by that I mean, on a roll.
11. Or, a neck pillow for some jumbo good times on your next flight.
12. A mug with a climbing hold in place of a handle, because you don't want anyone talking to you until you've had your morning coffee — unless they're talking about rock climbing. Then, by all means, continue!
13. A mousepad, if you like big, sagging corgi butts and you cannot lie!
14. A "germaphobe door handle opener" in case one of your specialties is getting super neurotic about touching poles, handlebars, and doorknobs.
15. A high-fiber cereal option that'll make it abundantly clear to your house guests why you like to eat a hearty breakfast.
16. A cutting board for the chef who likes to get obsessive with their slicing and dicing.
17. A "Pooping Pooches" calendar if your year is already going to shit and you need a pick-me-up.
18. A bacon pool raft so you're ready to get bakin' with your bacon when the summer weather rolls in.
19. A pack of black toilet paper rolls, if you refuse to wipe your butt with anything less than goth chic.
20. A disturbing erotic short story that fully gets your duality: nostalgic for early wholesome Internet but horned up for steamy lit.
21. A "raincoat" just for your handbag, because no matter how hard you've tried to shield your belongings from the downpour with an umbrella it never seems to get the job done.
22. A doormat to more accurately represent your fluctuating moods.
23. A "brain dump" note-writer pad, because what you really need for your chaotic brain isn't a bullet journal, but a system for sorting out all of your thoughts.
24. A dog-face pillow can give you some nice back support while you're driving around.
25. A pair of chicken-leg socks, because regular white socks are for the birds!!
26. And a pizza nightlight, if nothing knocks you out quite like a greasy New York slice.
Looking for more off-the-beaten path things? Look no further:
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Looking for the perfect gift for any occasion? Check out all of BuzzFeed’s gift guides!
