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    29 Products You'll Love If You're A Complete And Total Weirdo

    These things are uhhh.... pretty out there.

    We hope you love the products we recommend! All of them were independently selected by our editors. Just so you know, BuzzFeed may collect a share of sales or other compensation from the links on this page if you decide to shop from them. Oh, and FYI β€” prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

    1. A pair of fish shoes we think will go ~swimmingly~ with any outfit.

    Promising review: "Go ahead, do yourself a favor and buy a pair of these bad boys. Women will swoon, men will envy you. These things will take your stride to the next level. Once you put them on, there's no looking back. Kiss your old life goodbye and greet the new superior man you've become. You're welcome." β€”Matthew Eiswerth

    Get them from Amazon for $22.99 (available in sizes 4.5–11).

    2. A pack of penis lipsticks that will last a schlong time.,

    Promising review: "Drunk me bought these and didn't realize it until I saw the confirmation email the next day. I was not disappointed. They actually have good pigmentation and last for awhile. Plus it's just fun to pull them out and put it on at church." β€”Vbsp13

    Get a pack of 12 from Amazon for $14.95.

    3. A toilet keychain with a liftable lid, because losing your keys can be so shitty.

    Promising review: "Really cute keychain with a quirky miniature design. I got it for my work bathroom key. The metal is not as shiny as in the pictures but it does look like good quality. It doesn't have that cheap look many metal keychains have. I've dropped it quite a few times and so far no damage. I get compliments all the time." β€”Veronica

    Get it from Amazon for $6.99.

    4. A space cat mouse pad or a baguette wrist support pillow for desk decor that will turn some heads at the office.,

    Get the mouse pad for $5.99 or the baguette for $12.99, both from Amazon.

    5. A trio of chicken toys that lay an egg every time you squeeze 'em.

    Promising review: "Lots of fun squeezing the heck out of that ole' hen!! I've been tough on her, but she has held up very well." β€”Elizabeth K. Shadowen

    Get a set of three from Amazon for $8.99.

    6. A guide book to the flatulence of the animal kingdom. Do salamanders fart? Look it up!

    Promising review: "Fantastic! I purchased this book for my 4-year-old and 12-year-old sons. They LOVE it! My four year old has learned to read the word 'yes,' 'no,' and 'maybe' thanks to this book and asked to read it at least once a week at bedtime. He has learned about species he had never heard of before and been prompted to ask a lot of great questions. My 12-year-old takes the book, curls up on his bed, and reads it front to back while regularly laughing under his breath and shouting 'did you know (insert animal) farts??!' and 'what is a (insert animal name)?' It's so great. I think it should be in every classroom and in every home. It is fun and interesting on its own and, as all great science should, leads to more questions and exploration." β€”Jodie W

    Get it from Amazon for $12.43.

    7. A Dookie the Unicorn plush that actually poops a little rainbow swirl for people who think bathroom humor is magical.

    Fans of the Squatty Potty will love this!

    Promising review: "Super cute and silly. Well made. What little kid wouldn't love Dookie the Pooping Unicorn? This thing cracks me up every time I look at it. Words can not express how much we love this unicorn." β€”Brent Delong

    Get it from Amazon for $14.85.

    8. Cotton candy packaged as a bag of farts. These will be such a ~gas~ to receive!

    Also enjoy farts from ponies, dinosaurs, cats, dogs, unicorns, and zombies.

    Get it from Amazon for $9.95 (available in seven types).

    9. Wine condoms that keep your opened wine as safe as the sex you have (or don't!).

    Promising review: "These are amazing. I bought them as a Christmas gift for my wine loving sister-in-law. She loved them! I ended up buying myself some too. You can use them more than once. They are slightly hard to get on, but that just assures a tight seal. I especially like that you do not have to worry about your wine stoppers height fitting in the fridge." β€”sznic

    Get a pack of six from Amazon for $13.97.

    10. A slacker sloth plush toy, because even a deadly sin like sloth has its own vices.

    Get it from Amazon for $15.95.

    11. A pack of chocolate anuses β€” a romantic gift sure to make your recipient ~pucker up~.

    Promising review: "I bought these as a joke gift for my little sister. It took a while to ship because they come from the UK. They arrived in very good shape. The best thing is that she didn't know they were coming, and opened them in front of our church-lady mother!! I'm trying to think of someone else to send them to, they are that funny!" β€”Middle aged nerd

    Get a set of six from Amazon for $9.68.

    12. A car sticker dedicated to the finer (stranger) things in life.

    Promising review: "I have a Kia Soul and put this on my back window, upside-down like pictured. It is so fun to see people at stop lights trying to read it and then laugh once they figure it out. Super easy to put on and fun!" β€”Nicole Bettes

    Get it from Amazon for $4.98.

    13. A mug or sequin reveal pillow featuring Nic Cage that will make you ~moonstruck~.,

    Get the mug for $14.95+ (available in two sizes) or the pillow from Memeskins on Etsy for $22.13+ (with or without pillow insert).

    14. Or a Nic Cage pillowcase you can cuddle up with while rewatching Con Air for the tenth time.,

    Promising review: "I feel so protected knowing that Nicholas is in bed with me. This pillowcase is the first thing I see when I've awaken, and the last thing I see before I close my eyes for my deep slumber. The pure sexiness of this man's picture on your pillow will inspire you. Are you having relationship issues or family fights? Nicholas can ease the pain." β€”Karadactyl26

    Get it from Amazon for $6.95.

    15. Jizz the Game β€” a turn-based game that will have all your friends ~cumming~ over to play all the time.


    Pre-order it from Firebox for $26.29.

    16. A pool float for those sizzling hot days you feel like ~bacon~ in the sun.,

    (If you want the other pool floats in the review picture, get the mermaid here and the rainbow here.)

    Get it from Amazon for $18.25.

    17. A pack of chicken nugget soap for those days you really want to get your hands on some nugs.

    Get a pack of six from Amazon for $6.99.

    18. Toilet paper earrings featuring the PROPER way to hang your paper.

    The earrings are made with ribbon so they're very soft.

    Get them from CandyBottle on Etsy for $11.

    19. A book on fashion cats from Japan's #1 cat tailor. If you don't get tons of style inspiration from this, then what are you even doing?

    Promising review: "OMG sooooo cute!! I'm saving it for Valentine's Day for my daughter β€” she's going to love it!! I think there are other books by this artist and I will be looking to purchase them. This book brings smiles to cat lovers' faces guaranteed!!" β€”Mazey

    Get it from Amazon for $11.04.

    20. A Paul Blart enamel pin for people who harbor special feelings for Kevin James.

    Get it from HotToTrotPress on Etsy for $11.

    21. A vagina brooch or magnet you won't be able to ~clam~ up about.

    Get it from woolloom on Etsy for $35. Also see all other needle-felted vagina designs.

    22. An ice mold for anyone who saw Han Solo frozen in carbonite and thought "I want to dunk that in my drink."

    It makes six little Han Solos and one big one.

    Get it from Amazon for $7.95.

    23. A squirrel bungee cord so you can introduce your local fauna to extreme sports.,

    Also pick up some corn to go with it! Once you hang the corn, squirrels will jump on for a ride. Now those little freeloaders will finally work for their meal.

    Promising review: "It took some adjustments and patience to get the squirrels to come to it, but now they are regulars. Very funny when they use it! I took a fuzzy video, hope you can see it okay. It had snowed outside, making it a little closer to the ground... but still cute!" β€”Cassie

    Get it from Amazon for $13.85.

    24. A helpful guide on teaching your dog relativity, something that Fido really should know by now.

    Basic Books

    Promising review: "The author uses imaginary conversations with his dog to introduce the chapters and main sections. These conversations very nicely bring out the questions that non-scientists would ask about relativity. Then the author explains the concepts in non-technical and understandable language. This book is a fun, informative read!" β€”Jim Link

    Get it from Amazon for $12.74.

    25. Hand soap that looks like, well, little hands.

    Get a set of eight from imaginaryanimal on Etsy for $16.

    26. Waterbear slippers only slightly less indestructible than the tardigrades they're based on.

    Waterbears are 1mm long and look like cute, half-inflated manatees. They can live pretty much anywhere and are the only animals that can survive in space.

    Get them from Amazon for $24.99.

    27. A dog life vest so your dog can stay safe while swimming and you can achieve your dreams of meeting a mermaid.,

    Promising review: "Our 6-month blue heeler is pretty skittish in deep water. She usually just likes to get her paws wet, but as soon as I put on the vest, she became more confident and now she can't stay out of the water! Yesterday she swam more continuously than I've ever seen her swim and she was glowing! Truly turned into a mermaid. Quality you can trust!" β€”Erika T

    Get it from Amazon for $18.89+ (available in sizes S–L and also a shark version).

    28. A pixel-inspired thong for all your late night RPG-ing.

    Get it from Amazon for $11.95+ (available in sizes S–L and two colors).

    29. A hen purse you shouldn't chicken out of buying.,

    Promising review: "I bought this hilarious birthday gift for my mom who's a fan of collecting chickens, roosters, and everything that's country related. When she opened the present, she had a huge smile on her face and everyone around her was laughing. My mom brought her purse to work and she said everyone loved it! The purse is definitely a conversation starter and everyone wants to feel it to see if it's actually made out of rubber." β€”Nina B.

    Get it from Amazon for $29.95.

    Me admiring all this weird shit:


    Reviews have been edited for length and/or clarity.

    Looking for more products that will make you say "What the heck?" Check out these irresistibly weird things on Amazon.

    Looking for the perfect gift for any occasion? Check out all of BuzzFeed’s gift guides!

    Allison Krausman / BuzzFeed