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1. A pom-pom–bedecked teepee where your favorite family member can cozy up for a nap or get their pose on for a new IG photo.
2. A plush "Barkin" bag with a pup-approved addition: a squeaker, of course! Luckily, if they rip this purse apart it only costs $15 as opposed to $15,000+ for the real thing.
3. An expandable pet backpack so you can take your indoor kitty/bunny/guinea pig/albino rats (check the reviews — someone did it LOL) outside for some time in nature.
4. Or an adjustable carrier so you can carry them around like the social media star they are. ~Sometimes,~ walking is overrated.
5. A fuzzy donut bed with a deep design that eases anxiety and helps them feel secure. Once they crawl in, it'll lull them into such a deep sleep you can take as many photos as your iPhone storage can hold.
6. A cactus scratching post because they appreciate fine design just as much as you. That, and having something to claw at, of course.
7. A chew toy that makes no mistake as to who their favorite human is. Introduce it with a few yummy treats and you'll really solidify your standing.
8. A banana-shaped bed for the pet who loves "hiding" under blankets and in cardboard boxes. The top flap — or, if we're talking anatomically, the peel — offers them a private and enclosed space to nap.
9. A design-forward raised bowl from Cat Person — a brand whose name I deeply identify with. The stylish tray keeps spills at bay while the shallow bowl prevents whisker fatigue so your feline friend can fill up on wet or dry food.
10. A Wild One walk kit with a matching harness, leash, and poop bag carrier because they have appearances to uphold.
11. A "Woof Clicquot" plushie for the pup with champagne tastes. If you're working on a beer budget, you'll also be happy to know it's only 15 bucks.
12. A clear, streetwear-style raincoat that proves they are the one and only hypebeast of this family.
13. A matching bandana and scrunchie so you can pull off a stylish mommy (or daddy) and me outfit. Since each set is handmade, chances are slim you'll run into someone else wearing the same thing.
14. A divine yet durable pet cabana you can customize with your choice of wood and fabric. Keep it in the living room or carry it out by the pool for lazy lounge days.
15. A custom-made pillow in their likeness because around these parts we don't collect royal family or celeb merch — just anything and everything we can put our pet's face on.
16. And, in the same vein, a custom Crown and Paw canvas with your pet dolled up in renaissance (or presidential, or NASA, or Marvel... ) attire.
17. An antisocial puppy club hoodie for pups who are introverted, but also *indisputably* a trendsetter.
18. A pet selfie attachment for your smartphone so you can hold their attention as you sit for a new profile pic.
19. A blinged-out collar with crystals and capped letters because like Madonna, Rihanna, or Beyoncé, they need only go by one name.
20. A stylish poop bag dispenser that looks more like a miniature purse because yes, everyone poops, but sometimes it's still embarrassing to admit.
21. A nonslip food mat with colors that won't clash with your home decor or go-to Lightroom presets (potentially more important).
22. A beret and cape set that they can wear while you binge your guilty pleasure (Emily in Paris) or actual favorite film — Amélie.
23. A hat custom embroidered with their face because they're so stinkin' cute, they deserve merch with their face on it.
24. A soothing, organic wax you can use to keep their snout and toe beans adequately moisturized so they're always camera ready. (And healthy, most importantly!)
25. A pair of denim overalls that is just too. freaking. cute. for words. The manufacturer says it's also great for protecting against ticks outdoors, but let's be real — that's not why anyone is buying these and that's perfectly okay!
26. A rhinestone-studded tracksuit for those days when they wanna take it back to the early aughts and go for a Paris Hilton/Nicole Richie The Simple Life look.
27. A rugged Carhartt coat to keep them warm on trips to the dog park. Of course, as their parent, you'll also get to enjoy all of the "OMG how cute is that pup in the corduroy-trimmed getup??" comments from passersby.
28. A set of eight retro sunglasses that — much to their disdain, I assume — are specially made to fit their itty bitty face.
29. And a carton of maple bacon doggie ice cream to reward them after a particularly long photo sesh.
Your pup next time someone asks what breed they are:
