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    28 Things I Learned By Watching Every Teen Movie Of The '90s And '00s

    Leave your glasses and ponytail at the door.

    I've spent the last year watching over 300 of the best, worst and weirdest teen movies of the '90s (and '00s) for my new film Beyond Clueless — a documentary about the teen genre, out now.

    Here are the important discoveries I made along the way.

    1. First dates must always take place in deserted swimming pools under the cover of darkness.

    AD Distribution

    Alpha Dog

    United Artists

    Hackers

    Mandalay Entertainment

    Wild Things

    Because everyone loves making out in cold water for hours on end.

    Kids NY

    Kids

    20th Century Fox

    Romeo + Juliet

    Greenestreet Films

    Swimfan

    2. Intentionally spilling something on a rival might sound like a good way to get revenge, but in practice it just looks awkward.

    Miramax

    She's All That

    Disney

    The Princess Diaries

    3. Time moves at ½ speed in a high school corridor...

    Oddbod Productions

    Ginger Snaps

    UA

    Crime + Punishm't in Suburbia

    Paramount

    Mean Girls

    4. ... even for the boys.

    HBO

    Elephant

    Pandora

    Donnie Darko

    Paramount

    The Virgin Suicides

    5. There's always one black guy at the party, and he's normally Sean Patrick Thomas.

    Can't Hardly Wait / Global Enterprises

    6. High school cafeterias operate a strict one-clique-per-table seating system.

    Mean Girls / Paramount

    7. It takes approximately 0.27 seconds for the average teenager to fall in love.

    Can't Hardly Wait / Global Entertainment

    8. No teen house party is complete without at least $100 worth of red plastic cups.

    The Girl Next Door / Regency Entertainment

    9. It's easier than you would think to accidentally consume semen.

    Universal

    American Pie

    Myriad

    10. And no wonder. Masturbation is an exceedingly popular teen pastime.

    Spider-Man / Columbia

    11. Even though it's almost impossible to get any privacy.

    American Pie / Universal

    12. Clear vision is important...

    Disney

    The Princess Diaries

    Miramax

    She's All That

    Columbia

    Spider-Man

    ... but not as important as the instant credibility that comes with taking your glasses off.

    Disney

    The Princess Diaries

    Miramax

    She's All That

    Columbia

    Spider-Man

    13. Teenagers don't make the best lyricists.

    Idle Hands / Global Entertainment

    14. Or artists.

    Down To You / Miramax

    15. The bathroom is an emotional place for Robin Tunney.

    Columbia

    The Craft

    Regency Entertainment

    Empire Records

    16. Everywhere is an emotional place for Devon Sawa.

    New Line

    Final Destination

    Global Entertainment

    Idle Hands

    Straight Edge Productions

    SLC Punk!

    17. Natasha Lyonne spends a lot of time vomiting.

    Freeway Productions

    Freeway II

    Miramax

    Scary Movie 2

    18. Renée Zellweger and Joey Lauren Adams are definitely twins.

    Miramax

    Mallrats

    Monarchy Enterprises

    Empire Records

    19. All jocks are gay until proven otherwise.

    The Rules of Attraction / Lions Gate

    20. Whereas everyone you think is a lesbian…

    Paramount

    Mean Girls

    BSB

    Bend It Like Beckham

    … is actually straight.

    Paramount

    Mean Girls

    BSB

    Bend It Like Beckham

    21. People have no respect for multiple choice exams.

    New Line

    Storytelling

    MTV

    The Perfect Score

    22. Computers are either extremely sinister…

    Swimfan / Greenestreet Films

    … or completely ridiculous.

    Paramount

    Clueless

    Disney

    Get a Clue

    23. Your deepest, darkest secrets are likely to be photocopied hundreds of times and handed out to the entire student body.

    Paramount

    Mean Girls

    Cruel Productions

    Cruel Intentions

    24. Foreign exchange students are all Sports Illustrated models.

    IMF

    Slap Her, She's French

    Universal

    American Pie

    25. No high school prom is complete without a semi-famous rock band in attendance.

    GEP

    Idle Hands

    Disney

    10 Things I Hate About You

    Fox

    Drive Me Crazy

    (The same goes for graduation parties.)

    Filmco

    Crossroads

    Torchlight

    Not Another Teen Movie

    26. But that doesn't mean that the hundreds of professional dancers in the audience are going to be upstaged.

    27. After all, the world may freeze and fade to black at any moment.

    New Line

    Pecker

    Fox

    Romeo + Juliet

    Miramax

    Teaching Mrs. Tingle

    28. But not before we've had our fill of product placement.

    Antitrust / MGM

    Ryan Phillippe is THINKING REALLY HARD about that Pepsi machine.

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