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The 16 Awkward Stages Of Breaking Up With A Friend Online

Unfriend, unfollow, block, ignore. Cry yourself to sleep, sob in the shower, listen to "You've Got a Friend" on repeat...

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And it's awkward, because you're supposed to be friends. Maybe even good friends.

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Adult friendships are hard to navigate, and being friends with people both online and IRL can be complicated. Many friendships will naturally come to an end, but the ebb and flow of friendships — no matter how old — can get quite complicated when social media is involved.

It starts slowly. Maybe you don't see them as much. Maybe they just never make the time to see you. Maybe you just don't have much in common anymore.

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For whatever reason, you're just no longer close. They're not really a part of your life. But, then you look at your phone, and THERE THEY ARE, and you can't deny the truth that...


And now you know the truth: It's time to break up with them on the internet. You're going to have to cut them off online.


You've already phased them out in person. And it's time for the next step.

So, you slowly gather up your courage, brush the dust off your balls and go in for the the kill.

These are the stages you'll go through.

1. The "Stalk-No-More" Foursquare Unfriend.

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Sure, it's handy to know where they are, doing things with people that aren't you, but really, they don't need to know where you are. No more stalking from afar.


4. The "No Hearts for You" Instagram Ignore.


You literally go weeks without double-tapping their photos.

And to your peril, it brings to your attention that they literally haven't liked any of your photos in months. MONTHS.

5. The "I've Had E-fucking-nough" Instagram Unfollow.

This is probably the easiest one to get away with, unless your "friend" that you never see in person and rarely texts you is actively checking that you follow them back on Instagram.


And it feels so liberating because you no longer have to see all of the #superfun #cocktail parties they haven't invited you to!

7. The (Probably Drunk) Facebook Unfriend.

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This really says something, especially considering you're still friends with a bunch of people you met at networking events in 2007, but they NEED to KNOW you're no longer FRIENDS.

And you secretly hope with this, that they'll immediately message you an be like "What? We're no longer Facebook friends?" so you can be all like, "We're not even friends in REAL LIFE." Boom.


10. The "I BASICALLY HATE YOU" Twitter Block.

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If you block someone on Twitter, it's basically the equivalent of driving by their house and throwing the stuff they've left at your house out the window and onto their front lawn in the middle of the night, with a note that says "fuck your shit."

However, all of this unfriending and unfollowing might mean that your actions may have awkward ramifications, such as:


13. Then, there might also be a "What the fuck is going on?" email they send six months later when they finally realise you've deleted them from every single social network.

They're all like, "I mean, even Google+? Seriously? I DON'T EVEN USE THAT." And then you're all like, "NOBODY USES GOOGLE+ BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT."


Unfortunately, this doesn't make the process of losing a friend any easier, but it does mean that at least you won't have a reminder of a failed friendship every time you check your feeds.