1. "Friends, workers, as you all know, like Kanye West, I have recently acquired a daughter."
—Rogelio, Jane the Virgin
2. "Nobody's at 100. I'm in a great marriage, and sometimes we're at 90, other times we're at like, 20 or 30. It goes up and down, it's not just one number all the time."
—Benjamin, Master of None
4. "I am so sick of hearing about the Man of Steel. Every woman worth her salt knows that we have to work twice as hard as a man to be thought of as half as good."
—Cat Grant, Supergirl
5. "I'll be honest with you. It's beginning to look like I'm not going to get The Tonight Show."
—David Letterman, The Late Show With David Letterman
7. "Red velvet is bullshit."
—C.O. Scott O'Neill, Orange Is the New Black
8. Jeri Hogarth: "You're coming across as paranoid."
Jessica Jones: "Everyone keeps saying that — it's like a conspiracy."
10. "An understudy, it's like a fancy word for disappointment."
—Julie, Difficult People
11. Shoshana: "I just don't understand why nobody tells you how bad it's going to be in the real world."
Marnie: "Yeah they do. It's pretty much all they tell you."
13. "We're not built to kill. We don't have claws fangs or armor. Vets, they came back with PTSD. That didn't happen because we're comfortable with killing."
—Eastman, The Walking Dead
14. "Good evening, America. I'm a woman, and welcome to The Late Late Show."
—Whitney Cummings, The Late Late Show
16. "It's easy to confuse what is with what ought to be, especially when what is has worked out in your favor."
—Tyrion Lannister, Game of Thrones
17. "My marriage is like The Walking Dead, OK? We're all just trying to get out alive."
—Paula, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend
19. "Good evening, idiot hookers."
—Chanel Oberlin, Scream Queens
20. "Don't you know a VIP when you see one? Your boss came out of my V and her daddy's P, so show a little respect for her mama."
—Ophelia, How to Get Away With Murder
22. Will Graham: "It really does look black in the moonlight."
Dr. Hannibal Lecter: "See? This is all I ever wanted for you, Will. For both of us."
Will Graham: "It's beautiful."
23. "The four R's, my friend: Reduce, Reuse, Recycle, Rihanna."
—Ilana, Broad City
25. "Hashbrown: no filter."
—Kimmy, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
26. "The best defense against bullshit is vigilance. So if you smell something, say something."
—Jon Stewart, The Daily Show