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These 8 Disney Movies Are Based On Seriously Fucked-Up Shit

Disney has a penchant for turning fucked-up shit into child-friendly magic.

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Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

Disney

Disney version – Snow White runs away into the forest because it's that or get killed by her stepmother, so fair enough really. She finds seven little men living in a house and becomes a maid for them. The queen finds her, kills her, but the prince pops his pretty head up, gives her the kiss of life, and they marry.

Original fucked-up version – In the Brothers Grimm version, Snow White marries the prince and invites every king and queen to the wedding. Somehow, in all the madness of living with seven dwarfs, Snow White forgets to book the wedding singer, so when the wicked queen arrives, a pair of burning hot shoes are brought forth and she is made to dance in them until she drops dead.

Sleeping Beauty

Disney

Disney version – After pricking her finger, Aurora falls into a deep sleep that can only be broken by true love's first kiss. A lot of fuckery later, Prince Phillip basically defeats Maleficent and tada, there's another Disney wedding for the archives.

Fucked-up version – In Giambattista Basile's version of Sleeping Beauty, the king believes his daughter to be dead and so leaves her body in the house and abandons it because why wouldn't you do that? He returns to find her alive but unconscious and so rapes her, which leads to her birthing twins whom the king's wife want to kill. As revenge, the king's wife tries to actually cook the twins so they can be served to the king but the king finds out and burns his wife alive. JOY.

The Fox and the Hound

Disney

Disney version – Yada yada yada, everyone lives happily ever after because Disney.

Original fucked-up version – In the Daniel P. Mannix novel, everything dies, basically. At the end, after pleasing his master and chasing the fox until it was dead, the bloodhound is no better off and his master covers his eyes and shoots him. Wonderful reward.

The Little Mermaid

Disney

Disney version – Ariel obviously hates her entire family because she wants to leave them and live on land with a man she's never met. She exchanges her voice for legs with the sea witch and tries to seduce Eric, which doesn't really go to plan because he tries to marry someone else. But this is Disney, so everything ends well.

Original fucked-up version – In the Hans Christian Andersen story, Ariel trades her actual tongue for legs and is told by the sea witch that the process will feel like a sword splitting her in two. Not put off by this, because who would be, the sea witch also tells her that it will always feel like she's walking on sharp knives. Oh and also, if the prince marries someone else then Ariel will die of a broken heart (been there Ariel, not a bundle of laughs). Of course, the prince thinks with his genitals and marries someone else. Moral of the story – ALWAYS BE A MERMAID.

Beauty and the Beast

Disney

Disney version – Belle goes to castle. Beast is mean. Then Beast is nice. At the end he turns into a beautiful prince. Fab.

Fucked-up version – Pretty much the same, but in Villeneuve's version, the reason that the prince is turned into a beast in the first place is because when he turned into an adult, a fairy tried it on with him. For some reason the prince didn't want no fairy loving and so the fairy turned him into a beast. And that, ladies and gents, takes spurned to a whole new level.

The Hunchback of Notre Dame

Disney

Disney version – Quasimodo is ugly, Esmerelda is pretty, Frollo is mean, and Phoebus is just handsome AF. Frollo wants to kills Esmerelda because she's a gypsy but judging by how many times he tries to catch her, the movie is basically 91 minutes of kiss chase.

Original fucked-up version – In Victor Hugo's novel, everyone, including Frollo, is in love with Esmerelda. Because he can't have her, Frollo catches and hangs her. Quasimodo is having none of this fuckery so he kills Frollo. He sits with Esmerelda's body and eventually dies of starvation. A long time later, the tomb is opened and the skeletons are there chilling and when people try to pry them apart, they disintegrate to dust. We assume Phoebus is still pretty AF.

Hercules

Disney

Disney version – Hades wants to kill Hercules so he can rule the cosmos but because this is Disney, Hercules overcomes all and wins at everything and even finds himself a nice little girlfriend.

Original fucked-up version – In Greek mythology, Hercules basically goes mad and kills all his family. He eventually dies because a centaur tries to rape his wife and he's nada happy about that so he kills said centaur. The centaur manages to give his blood to the wife, who smears it on Hercules' clothes thinking it's a love potion when really it just burns Hercules' skin off. He's so miserable – because y'know, no skin – that he basically burns himself alive.

Cinderella

Disney

Disney version – Cinders lives with a bunch of fuckwits who make her their slave. Cinderella is so lonely she makes friends with vermin. Her fairy godmother appears and throws a dress on Cinderella because she won't let her step out to the ball in rags. A lot of dancing happens, she loses her glass slipper, Prince Charming doesn't even remember her face but by the end it all works out and they marry and the prince probably still doesn't know what his wife looks like.

Original fucked-up version – The Brothers Grimm strike again, this time with Cinderella. The stepsisters take drastic action to fit their feet into the slipper. One cuts off her toes while the other cuts off her heel. All of that sacrifice, and the only thing the stepsisters get is a peck in the eye by some unruly birds (probably pigeons). This causes them to go blind. Moral of the story – don't be a cunt.

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