I don't mean to alarm anybody, but I just watched an interview where Jimmy Kimmel showed Gwyneth Paltrow a bunch of her own Goop products, and I'm now certain she's never actually seen most of them before now.
In case you're not quite sure what Goop is, it's a very relatable lifestyle website that I personally want to be rich enough to live by.
Anyway, in a recent appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live to promote her new Netflix show The Politician, Gwyn was shown a bunch of products that are apparently* sold on Goop.
First up was the "Martini" bath salts, which I've put in quotations because Goop also put them in quotations. Maybe they don't want to be sued if people try drinking the bathwater instead, but I can't say for sure.
Now, Gwyneth definitely seemed to know all about this product and she couldn't recommend it enough, calling it "heaven" more than once.
Oh, and apparently it's an "emotional detox" too. Personally, I'm absolutely sold on that concept — £30 to get rid of my feelings? Bargain!
Next up was a little yellow vibrator which is part of a brand called Smile Makers.
This particular vibrator is named "The Tennis Coach" for a reason I couldn't quite fathom, but upon further investigation (I asked someone sitting next to me), it's a cliché that rich people have affairs with the people who teach them how to be the next Serena Williams.
Anyway, when Jimmy asked why the Tennis Coach looked like Bart Simpson — a fair comparison — Gwyneth said, "I don't know. Let's open it up and see what it looks like," which seems to suggest she's never actually seen it before.
Here's Gwyn's reaction to seeing the Tennis Coach for quite possibly the first time in her life.
Moving on! Next up was a glass water bottle that has an amethyst crystal inside. At this point, we're dealing with things that are way above my station so I'm just as baffled as you probably are.
"They say that amethyst, I think it's supposed to be a heart-opening or something like that?" Gwyn said of the fancy bottle. When Jimmy asked who'd made that claim, she hilariously replied: "I don't know, but it's so pretty."
I couldn't find the bottle on the site, which is a shame because I like pretty things that I don't quite understand the use of.
And finally we have camel milk.
But, even though the milk alternative was on a Goop gift guide, Gwyneth still didn't really seem to know much about it. "Apparently it's really from camel," she said, which is about as glowing a review as the drink got.
Admitting that she'd never actually tried it before, Gwyneth and Jimmy decided to go bottoms up and try it together.
Anyway, that's enough of my rambling. You can watch Gwyneth's full Jimmy Kimmel Live interview here. Knock yourself out!