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Oct 3, 2019

Gwyneth Paltrow Was Shown A Bunch Of Her Own Goop Products And I'm, Like, 90% Sure She's Never Seen Them In Her Life

The Goop queen seemed a little bamboozled by some of the products, which is an extremely big mood.

I don't mean to alarm anybody, but I just watched an interview where Jimmy Kimmel showed Gwyneth Paltrow a bunch of her own Goop products, and I'm now certain she's never actually seen most of them before now.

Layne Murdoch Jr. / Getty Images

In case you're not quite sure what Goop is, it's a very relatable lifestyle website that I personally want to be rich enough to live by.

Phillip Faraone / Getty Images

In the past, Goop has recommended that you steam your uterus, make $200 smoothies every morning that just so happen to include something called moon dust, and put jade eggs in your vagina.

That last one resulted in Goop being fined $145,000 in court, so I'm not sure if it was the best recommendation. But still!

Anyway, in a recent appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live to promote her new Netflix show The Politician, Gwyn was shown a bunch of products that are apparently* sold on Goop.

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*I say "apparently" because this doesn't actually seem to be the case, but I'll get to that in a minute.

First up was the "Martini" bath salts, which I've put in quotations because Goop also put them in quotations. Maybe they don't want to be sued if people try drinking the bathwater instead, but I can't say for sure.

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Now, Gwyneth definitely seemed to know all about this product and she couldn't recommend it enough, calling it "heaven" more than once.

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"It's so heaven," the Goop queen said. "If you have a hard day or people are giving you a hard time, and you run a hot bath and you soak...it is like heaven."

Oh, and apparently it's an "emotional detox" too. Personally, I'm absolutely sold on that concept — £30 to get rid of my feelings? Bargain!

20th Television

Next up was a little yellow vibrator which is part of a brand called Smile Makers.

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This particular vibrator is named "The Tennis Coach" for a reason I couldn't quite fathom, but upon further investigation (I asked someone sitting next to me), it's a cliché that rich people have affairs with the people who teach them how to be the next Serena Williams.

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Speaking about the Tennis Coach, Gwyneth said that Goop "believe in women's sexual health and fulfilment" so let's cheers to that.

Also available in the Smile Makers set of vibrators: the Millionaire, the Fireman, and the Frenchman.

Anyway, when Jimmy asked why the Tennis Coach looked like Bart Simpson — a fair comparison — Gwyneth said, "I don't know. Let's open it up and see what it looks like," which seems to suggest she's never actually seen it before.

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Here's Gwyn's reaction to seeing the Tennis Coach for quite possibly the first time in her life.

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The blur is really ruining the illusion here so we'll have to use our imagination.

Moving on! Next up was a glass water bottle that has an amethyst crystal inside. At this point, we're dealing with things that are way above my station so I'm just as baffled as you probably are.

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"They say that amethyst, I think it's supposed to be a heart-opening or something like that?" Gwyn said of the fancy bottle. When Jimmy asked who'd made that claim, she hilariously replied: "I don't know, but it's so pretty."

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I couldn't find the bottle on the site, which is a shame because I like pretty things that I don't quite understand the use of.

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However, I did find the bottle elsewhere and it's apparently thought to "emit calming and creative energy". It is also £74, so that's the end of that.

And finally we have camel milk.

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According to Jimmy, the camel milk was on one of Gwyn's gift guides a couple of years back, which is...interesting? Hands up: How would you feel if you opened your Christmas stocking and found nothing but a carton of camel milk?

But, even though the milk alternative was on a Goop gift guide, Gwyneth still didn't really seem to know much about it. "Apparently it's really from camel," she said, which is about as glowing a review as the drink got.

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I also couldn't find this product on Goop so I guess we'll just never know.

Admitting that she'd never actually tried it before, Gwyneth and Jimmy decided to go bottoms up and try it together.

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I think that facial expression is all we need to know.

Anyway, that's enough of my rambling. You can watch Gwyneth's full Jimmy Kimmel Live interview here. Knock yourself out!

Ben Henry is a celebrity reporter for BuzzFeed UK and is based in London.

Contact Ben Henry at ben.henry@buzzfeed.com.

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