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1. A sweatshirt from one of the best bed and breakfasts in Scarnton, PA.
2. Punny illustrated Snape postcards to send to all your potions classmates.
3. An essential oil stick you can roll on your neck or the back of your ears for some serious relief from migraines.
4. An effective pedicure rasp to transform your cracked heels into silky soft beauties.
5. An undemanding journal that just asks for two minutes of your time each morning.
6. A bottle of Mike's Hot Honey for giving food a little sweetness plus a kick of heat.
7. A pair of wine aerators that attach to the bottle, so you can aerate and pour at the same time.
8. A pet-brushing glove so you can secretly groom your (overly) furry friend while petting them. There will be no tumbleweeds of fur in your future.
9. A meowvelous magic 8 ball that dispenses cat-tastic tidbits instead of answers.
10. A wireless, multi-speed vibrator powerful enough to rocket you into a higher consciousness of being.
11. A cutie pie anglerfish book light so you can just keep readin' readin' readin' no matter how dark it is.
12. A squirrely dog toy that lets your pup hide and remove squeaky toys from a plush log. You can even hide treats inside to encourage play.
13. An earwax removal kit so effective, you'll be smiling ear from unclogged ear.
14. A DIY miniature greenhouse that takes lots of love and care to put together, but definitely won't die on you like an actual house of plants.
15. A literal space bar you'll be over the moon for.
16. A tough-as-hail umbrella with a lifetime guarantee, so you can feel confident about going out in the rain and staying dry.
17. A meal planning notepad so you know exaaactly what to get at the grocery store and you can avoid the dreaded "what do you want for dinner?" conversation.
18. A date night bucket list kit to help you and your special someone figure out how to spend the night.
19. A pack of Bottle Bright tablets that clean out gross and grimy water bottles so you can finally use them again. Reclaim your old Nalgene with the least amount of work possible.
20. A pair of ultra-effective oral rinses so you can cross "bad breath" of your long list of concerns.
21. A pastel accordion folder that can fit up to 200 (!!!) pieces of paper, so you know you'll always come prepared.
22. A book of grid-style logic puzzles to give your brain a little work out every now and then.
23. An electric toothbrush ready to blast away every speck of plaque on your chompers.
24. A Spatty — which is basically just a spatula put through a Willy Wonka taffy stretcher — to help you get every last drop of sauce, shampoo, or makeup from all your bottles and jars.
25. A DIY hot sauce kit so you can take matters into your own hands when the grocery store just isn't providing you with the heat you need.
26. A Sona massager that's an eight-setting, waterproof dream that uses sonic pulses to stimulate every part of your clit at once.
27. An embroidered robe because this level of luxury pretty much has your name on it.
28. A journal that helps you organize your life's experiences, relationships, and wisdom into a story you and family member's can look back on and enjoy.
29. An ice tea tumbler so you can enjoy a refreshing beverage on the go.
30. A cable bite that adds some flair to your charging cord while also protecting it from fraying.
31. A pair of Dobby earrings so cute, you'll be kind of elf-ish and not tell anyone where you got them.
32. A multi-tool carabiner that's a must-have for every camper who is trying to travel light.
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