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19 Students Who Never, NEVER Should Have Made Their Teachers Laugh This Hard

"One of my students explained that a honeymoon is when you go outside at night after your wedding and rub honey all over each other."

We recently shared a series of posts in which teachers told us the funniest things students have ever said in the classroom (see them here, here, and here), and the hilarity was real:

Well, teachers continue to chime in with gems from their funniest students in the comments, and they are way too good not to share:

1. "I was teaching sixth grade the year I got engaged, and one of my students asked me what a honeymoon is. Well, another kid chimed in, saying, 'It's when you go outside at night after you get married and rub honey all over each other.'

2. "I teach religious education at a secondary school. Well, 12 years ago, I was talking to my class about the Bible, and I asked if anyone knew any facts about it. One kid piped up and said, 'It's made up of two testicles — the old testicle and the new testicle.'

"Obviously, I explained his mistake and praised him for his amazing knowledge — he was almost there!"


3. "I had a 4-year-old student who was really into cars. One day, we asked him what kind of car his dad drove, and he responded — very matter-of-factly — 'A fucked-up one.'"


4. "When I was in high school, my teacher asked my friend who assassinated JFK. I'm not sure if she panicked or if she just wasn't listening, but she blurted out, 'Eisenhower!'

5. "My sister is an elementary school teacher, and once when she was substituting in a first-grade classroom, one of the kids asked who she was. She answered, 'The substitute,' and he said, 'You're here to give us Subway?! I'd like a ham and cheese with pickles.'"


6. "I taught 11th grade at a small private school, and my 5-year-old daughter would come to my homeroom until the bell rang. Well, one day while driving to school, I was on the phone with my sister saying that the antibiotic I was on was so strong that the pamphlet said it clears up chlamydia...

"When we got in my classroom, one of my students asked me if I was feeling better. And my daughter loudly explained, 'My mom is feeling a lot better — she is taking her chlamydia medicine!' Want to guess how many high schoolers heard I was taking medicine for an STD by lunchtime?"

—Heidi Williams, Facebook

7. "My high school students were making presentations about people they found inspiring. Well, one student presented at length about Martha Stewart and how she'd done so much for the civil rights movement by refusing to give up her seat on the bus...

8. "One day, I was working with a pair of sisters, and one of them asked me if I was worried about dying alone, since I was single. Before I could respond, the other sister said, 'She's fine — she doesn't have any cats...yet.'"


9. "We had a kid who kept saying his dad drove an 'Asstank.' We couldn't figure it out until his dad drove up to school in an Aztec."

10. "I was teaching eighth grade when there was a strange knock on the classroom wall. One of my students cried, 'Ahhh! It's a polygamist!' I quickly figured out that he meant 'poltergeist.'

"Though, when I explained why I was laughing so hard, my students decided a polygamist would have been just as scary.'"

—Sarah Flame, Facebook

11. "My former coworker's son had just started kindergarten, and his class only had half days for the first month of the school year. Well, at lunchtime on his first full day, he went to gather his things from his cubby, and his teacher said, 'Oh no, the day's not over yet! We still have three more hours.' He whipped around and said, 'Well, who the HELL signed me up for this?!'"


12. "Once, one of my eighth-graders raised his hand and politely asked if he could go into the hallway to fart. I couldn't come up with a response, so he casually and calmly got up, opened the door, and stuck his backside in the hallway."

13. "When my aunt asked my cousin how his first day of kindergarten went, he whispered, 'I think I'm going to resign.'"


14. "My dad was a high school choir teacher, and one day he asked his class, 'What's the thing that hangs in your throat that needs to lift for you to sing?' One of his students raised her hand and shouted, 'Clitoris!'"


15. "One of the kindergarten boys said, 'I want a girlfriend,' and the girl next to him quickly replied, 'I hope it's not me.'"

16. "When my primary school teacher found out one of my classmates was going to the United States for a family holiday, she asked, 'What will you do in America?' He solemnly replied, 'We'll explode everywhere...'

"She stared at him in confusion until realizing, 'Oh! Explore?' And he scowled and replied, 'That's what I said. We'll explode everywhere.'"


17. "My sister was a camp counselor for 5-year-olds, and she once heard a camper call another one a 'big, hairy penis.' She tried hard not to laugh as she reported it to the boy's mom...

18. "My friend — who is a high school math teacher — told me about a time she was grading exams when she came across one where the kid attempted to complete it but eventually just gave up. He wrote in pencil on the back, 'Just give me zero.'

"That's my mood for 2020."


And finally, something a student said that's not so funny but is so, SO touching:

19. "I was teaching preschoolers at Sunday school, and one day a little girl fell down, bumped her knee, and started to cry. I was comforting her when her friend said, 'I'm big — I don't cry...'

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Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.