We recently shared a post in which teachers shared the times their students were so hilarious they laughed out loud, and they were all parts clever and hilarious:
Well, teachers (and parents!) in the comments section chimed in with more of the funniest things a student has ever said in class, and I'm laughing at these just as hard:
1. "It was parent sit-in day, and we were in our kids' class, observing their daily routine, when the teacher asked the students to share what they ate for breakfast. Well, I already started to feel embarrassed because I had let my son have a bowl of sugary cereal that morning because I was running late..."
2. "I overheard one high schooler in the hallway tell another that he heard people were hooking up in the bathroom, and his friend said, 'WHAT? I won't even poop in the school bathroom!'"
3. "I was teaching my first graders about comparing and contrasting, and one of my students said, 'You and I are alike because we're both dramatic.'"
4. "One day in my second grade social studies class, I mentioned that Eleanor Roosevelt was a First Lady. Well, one of my kids got really upset and said, 'No — EVE was the first lady!'"
5. "One day, one of my students called one of her classmates a whore. I pulled her aside, and asked her what she thought that meant. She said, 'Someone whose house is full of trash and things.' A hoarder."
6. "I was teaching English online to kids and teenagers in China. Well, I asked one of my eighth-graders how he would give someone bad news in English. He paused dramatically for a long moment, then said, '...OH SHIT.'"
"I mean, he wasn't wrong."
7. "The best thing I've ever been told was by a kindergartner, who said, 'You should marry a man with rough hands — that way you know he's a hard worker.'"
8. "My father used to tell a story about when he was in third grade and not paying attention. His teacher yelled his name and said, 'Who killed Lincoln?!' and he quickly replied, 'I didn't do it!'"
"Later in the principal’s office, my grandfather could be heard saying, 'If the boy said he didn’t do it, he didn’t do it.'"
9. "In my high school AP US History class, our teacher asked us why we thought a boat that had gone off course was eventually able to make it to America. One of my classmates answered, 'Jesus took the wheel!'"
10. "I'm a substitute teacher, and one day I was waiting for the kids to get off the bus when a little girl asked when we were going to go to the classroom. I responded, 'We're just waiting for everyone to arrive...'"
11. "One of the kindergartners let out a 'motherfucker' one day, and as the teacher was taking him to the office, another kid asked what he did. A third kid replied, 'Do you need motherfucking hearing aids?!' I had a long coughing fit."
12. "My mom was a fourth grade teacher, and one morning a student asked her if she noticed anything different about her. My mom didn't, and the student exclaimed, 'I put my glass eye in upside down!'"
13. "A few years ago, there was a baby boom among the fifth-grade staff, and one my students informed me that she knew what we were all doing to make the babies, then looked at me like this:"
14. "I volunteered to help my mom at her preschool one day, and she told me to ask her student Jasper what his dog's name is. So I did, and he said, 'Asshole.' I asked him to repeat it, and again, he said, 'Asshole...'"
"Turns out his dog’s name is Axel, and the little guy couldn’t correctly pronounce the name."
15. "I was teaching my students how to measure angles with a protractor, and I asked the students what the object was. One of my students proudly raised his hand, jumped out of his chair, and said, 'It's a math tractor!'"
"I laughed so hard I couldn’t even move on for a minute. And I still call them math tractors to my teaching team when I need to borrow some."
16. "When I was teaching my seventh graders about Christopher Columbus, it was one of my students' first time hearing about him, and she said, 'Oh hell no — I'm gonna go back in time and cap that motherfucker.' I had nowhere to turn so I had to laugh!"
17. "My grandmother told me about the time her teacher asked each student what their parents did for a living. Well, she asked one student about their father, and the kid said, 'Oh, my mom says he chases skirts.'"
18. "My parents woke my younger brother up for his second day of preschool and said, 'Wake up — you have to go to school.' He replied, 'I already went.'"
"Well, he wasn’t wrong."