15 Hilariously Cringeworthy Breakup Fails That'll Make You Want To Stay Single Forever
"I broke up with my boyfriend. Then he literally faked his death."
1. "I broke up with my boyfriend because he was always putting me through tests to show my loyalty. Well, a few weeks later, I heard that he'd overdosed on pills from his parents' medicine cabinet and died. I felt horrible, like it was all my fault. I didn't even have the heart to reach out to his family or attend his funeral. But the day after the funeral, I got a text from his number..."
2. "I broke up with my boyfriend in a park, and he LITERALLY CLIMBED UP A TREE to cry up there. I didn't really know what to do...so I just waited around for him to come back down."
3. "I told my ex that I wanted to break up because we had no chemistry, no spark. The next week, when he came to my place to get some of his things, he put a 9-volt battery on my table. Then he looked me in the eyes and said, 'Just in case you still don't think we have a spark.'"
4. "I decided to break up with my cheating boyfriend over Instagram by posting a cute selfie captioned, 'Love being single!' But when my boyfriend saw it, he replied, 'LOL, AUTOCORRECT!' He actually thought I meant to type 'Love pringles!'"
5. "I broke up with a guy after about two months. Then a few days later, I found out our parents were dating."
6. "My boyfriend was breaking up with me over the phone, and I was doing a great job of holding it together...until I STEPPED ON A GIANT WASP, barefoot! Needless to say, I totally lost my shit after that. I was yelling and crying for the rest of the phone call...but for entirely different reasons."
7. "I was trying to break up with my high school boyfriend in the parking lot after school. I had just started the whole 'It's not you, it's me' speech when a friend of ours drove by, rolled down his window, and yelled, 'AWW, WHAT A CUTE COUPLE!' I was mortified."
8. "My boyfriend broke up with me at Disneyland, and another park guest saw me sobbing and asked if I was OK. Through my sobbing, I said, 'He dumped me.' But the man mistakenly heard, 'He punched me,' so he immediately stormed over to my boyfriend and punched him...right in the middle of Cars Land!"
9. "When I was a sophomore in high school, I was pretty good friends with this one guy. Well, one day I was reading in one of the classrooms when he walked in and broke up with me. Apparently, he thought we'd been dating for a year...and I had no idea."
10. "I was visiting a friend from college, and my boyfriend was calling and texting me nonstop. I tried to explain to him that I wanted to spend uninterrupted time with my friend, who I rarely got to see. But he didn't seem to get it, so finally, I blocked him to get some peace. Well, twenty minutes later I got a Venmo notification from him, requesting the amount of the bill from our last dinner! The caption said, 'Since you clearly don't care about communication, consider this our breakup.' My friends saw it on their Venmo feed and thought it was HILARIOUS!"
11. "I broke up with my high school boyfriend at his house. But afterwards, I remembered that he was the one who drove me there. This was before Uber and Lyft, so I texted my friend to come pick me up, and she said she was at least 45 minutes away. So my ex and I had to sit there awkwardly for over an hour before she finally showed up."
12. "Once I broke up with a guy right after Thanksgiving — and that asshole INSISTED that we still exchange Christmas presents since he'd already bought mine. So I quickly crocheted him a scarf, and when he opened it, he said it was the smallest scarf he'd ever seen. So I told him it was to keep his dick warm."
13. "I pulled my girlfriend aside at the end of our lunch period and gave her a whole breakup spiel about how I wasn't in a good place for a relationship right then. But I had no idea exactly how to end the conversation, so after I hugged her goodbye, I gave her a high five."
14. "I asked my boyfriend to meet me at Starbucks so I could break up with him there, and we decided to take a walk around the block instead of going inside. But this was a small parking lot that would ticket people who left the parking lot. So we got back from our breakup walk, and a woman was putting a boot on his car! Not only did he get dumped, but he had to pay a $140 ticket!"
15. "I was in my college apartment trying to break up with my boyfriend, and he started crying and telling me that he would change. Well, at that very moment, my roommate — who knew I was trying to dump him — started BLASTING Taylor Swift's 'We Are Never Getting Back Together' from the next room. And that made him start bawling even harder."
Some responses have been edited for length and clarity.