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1.A 100% cotton tee with the kind of mantra that I would consider having tattooed on my forehead. In a bright, bold font.
2.A magical cookbook that'll have you sipping on gin and [pumpkin] juice in no time. Hate pumpkin juice? FINE! This also contains recipes for treacle tarts, rock cakes, kippers, and more.
3.Bertie Bott’s beans available in a wide array of delicious, not-at-all-disgusting flavors. Banana! Blueberry! Black Pepper! Booger!
4.Uno cards that provide the perfect consolation game for anyone who straight-up sucks at Wizard's Chess. And unless your name is Ron Weasley, it's likely you fall into this category.
5.Figurines of Hermione, Harry, and Ron being studious in the best class — HERBOLOGY. Just be sure to wear earmuffs whilst handling them! Those mandrakes have some loud lungs in 'em.
6.A quill set that includes a feather dip pen, black ink, and a Hogwarts acceptance letter — because Google docs simply cannot compete with the feel of feather pen against paper, am I right?
7.An iPhone + Android photo printer with the ability to ✨ bring your photo to life ✨. Prepare for change, muggles. Your newspapers will never be the same.
8.A lined journal you can hypothetically store a horcrux in. Do I recommend it? Probably not. But it's your life! If you're looking to be the next Voldemort, have at it.
9.Harry Potter: A Pop-Up Guide to Hogwarts — in other words, all I want for my birthday this year. This gorgeously illustrated pop-up book will make you feel as if you're walking through campus. Broom in one hand, to-go pumpkin juice in the other.
10.Crew socks currently having a special promotion! All proceeds will be donated to S.P.E.W. (Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare).
11.A Hogwarts library book set complete with Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, Quidditch Through the Ages, and Tales of Beedle the Bard.
12.A maze game with only one way to win — snatch that Triwizard Cup before anyone else does! Without being unfairly murdered by Lord You-Know-Who, of course.
13.A key ring that's near impossible to catch. Besides being super fast, it plays a mean game of hide and seek.
14.A Marauder's Map heat-changing mug that lets you roam Hogwarts after curfew without getting caught. Caffeine + magic = my definition of heaven.
15.A LEGO set featuring 878 pieces (cue nervous giggle) that you're very likely to step on while barefoot. But hey, at least you'll have built Hogwarts at the end of all that pain.
16.A chocolate frog mold for when you're too busy for a Honeydukes run. Hey, it happens! (Hopefully not too often, though.)
17.A wand pen and bookmark set you'll want in you backpack as you prepare for your next O.W.L exam. What will you write with? How will you hold your place in that divination textbook?
18.A boxed set of the first three Harry Potter books, complete with larger font and gorgeous illustrations worthy of their own magical museum exhibit.
19.Pajama pants sure to ~slytherin~ to your shopping cart. These bottoms are so cozy, Voldemort may have worn these in lieu of his billowing black robe.
20.An illustrated book that acts as a guide to the secret twists + turns that make up Hogwarts Castle. PLUS! This comes with a an invisible ink pen in shape of a WAND, people!
21.A hand-poured soy candle to fill your home with the sweet scent of rum, spice, and vanilla. Just because you can't sip butter beer right now doesn't mean your humble abode can't smell like butter beer.
22.Spectrespecs you'll get for free with the most current issue of The Quibbler. These bad boys will have you seeing wrackspurts in no time!
23.A swinging board game in which you need to collect all the escaped magical beasts that are both on and off Hogwarts grounds. Each clue you gather = the closer you are to victory.
24.Harry Pottercoloring books filled with gorgeous illustrations you'll want to rip out and hang in a fancy frame. Every page deserves to be on display throughout your home!
25.An earring set for 'lobes that need a little magic. They want some drama! Some mispronounced spells! A Dark Lord with a name that they're not allowed to say out loud!
26.A chess set you should purchase with caution. The Knights are known to be pretty aggressive, and I'm not sure Ron will be able to save the day. Up to you, though!
27.An insult handbook you'll whip out every time Voldemort decides to passive-aggressively call you the "boy who lived."
28.A makeup brush set that infuses magic into your daily beauty routine. Unfortunately, the brushes require human hands and cannot be bewitched into doing your smoky eye...
29.A woven tapestry you can also use as a throw blanket and a rug, because Lord [Voldemort] knows that every muggle home needs some HP-inspired decor.
30.Playing cards featuring gorgeous HP-inspired illustrations: the Sorting Hat, Hedwig, and Scabbers. **takes deep breath** There's also Fawkes, the Nimbus 2000, a Hungarian horntail dragon, the Knight Bus, and so much more!
31.A Quidditch set that makes a more exciting gift than say — oh, I don't know — a Nimbus 2000. This comes with a quaffle, two bludgers, a snitch, and a Quidditch poster for anyone who aspires to be the next Viktor Krum.
32.The complete 8-film collection on DVD so you could see the splendor and bright lights of Hogwarts whenever you damn well please.
33.Or a boxed set of all seven books in the series. Swoon. Sigh. Heart eyes. Necessary. Amazing.
How my already non-existent savings account is feeling right about now:
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