You'll Literally Lose Your Mind Laughing At These 23 Hysterical Tweets By Women
"i wonder if foreigners realize that they will never hate Americans as much as Americans hate other Americans, like bro, the east and west coast start discourse every 2–3 business days over who’s better, and Texas daydreams about beating the breaks off Oklahoma, y’all can’t touch us." —@dianelyssa
Here are some September news highlights so far: Jimmy Fallon is (allegedly) not a nice dude, Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner are getting a divorce, all the tech bros got trench foot at Burning Man, and Elon Musk's third child with Grimes is named Techno Mechanicus for some reason.
I’m practicing going “Ha ha ha!” and hitting a table. To replace Jimmy Fallon
— walker (@walkercapl) September 7, 2023
Make sure you follow all these hilarious ladies on Twitter!
1.
you're laughing. a horde of tech bros were going to take shrooms for the first time and finally experience empathy, but they got trench foot instead. and you're laughing
— morgan sung (@morgan_sung) September 3, 2023
2.
My Tinder bio: pic.twitter.com/KIe79ta6XC
— Leen McBeans ꪜ (@LeenMcBeans) September 5, 2023
3.
I’m almost 47 and I just got my first tattoo.
— redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 (@RYGdance) September 5, 2023
Someone please comfort my grieving mother.
4.
weed strain namers can chill with their silly little titles all I need to know is this the giggle kind or the convince myself I’ll never be happy because of who I am kind
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) September 8, 2023
5.
ME: I have to be on a strict budget because of the strike
— Pjörk🐷 (@NicoleConlan) September 9, 2023
DOGGIE DAYCARE: Hey for a small fee we're doing a School Picture Day for dogs
ME: ....... pic.twitter.com/qnvlPjyrku
6.
does bisexual mean twice a sexual, or once every other sexual
— Riane Konc (@theillustrious) September 8, 2023
7.
I don't wear white after Labor Day or any day because I live in fear of spaghetti stains.
— Pru (@prufrockluvsong) September 6, 2023
8.
them: don’t you remember?
— Midge (@mxmclain) September 6, 2023
me: pic.twitter.com/15wjkaHPOE
9.
asking u to send good energy to the sephora employee at the register who looked at me, taken aback, and went “your voice is so calming. i’ve just experienced a lot today and….. it’s just so soothing ” after i said “hi. yes, just this”
— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) September 6, 2023
10.
this is the playlist someone makes after frantically googling 'music' https://t.co/myIq8doscF
— kate wagner (castle era) (@mcmansionhell) September 6, 2023
11.
Everlane sends me emails like “the viral ultra-flattering pants we can’t keep in stock!” and I click and these are the pants pic.twitter.com/Naj9WyCCvr
— Cartoons Hate Her! (@CartoonsHateHer) September 6, 2023
12.
kylie is exactly timothee's type idk why art hoes are crying on here like no one told yall to get a bob and a tote bag
— cocky (@miacockucci) September 5, 2023
13.
Asked my doctor for an IED insertion, she asked if I meant IUD and I said “no bc I want dis puss to be da bomb” so she sent me home with antidepressants and told me to never say that shit again.
— Leen McBeans ꪜ (@LeenMcBeans) September 7, 2023
14.
sending those round twins FLYING pic.twitter.com/kx7UKfJDqz
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) September 8, 2023
15.
This weekend my husband is teaching a class for 5 adults who want to be there, and he has had months to prepare.
— OBrienSci (@OBrienSci) September 10, 2023
Upon arriving home this evening he said, "I do not understand how it's possible that you do a harder version of this every single day." And then went to bed at 8:30.
16.
Sophie Turner is currently in the impeccable position of being able to listen to Taylor Swift breakup songs literally written about her ex & I think that’s beautiful
— tori (@doritenholm) September 6, 2023
17.
doctor told me my cortisol levels look like i’m constantly trying to save a baby from a burning building pic.twitter.com/AlXg5UojaD
— a beautiful woman 💕✨👄🦷 (@full_legal_name) September 9, 2023
18.
sometimes using a bidet feels like punishing your ass for having shat
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) September 4, 2023
19.
i wonder if foreigners realize that they will never hate americans as much as americans hate other americans like bro the east and west coast start discourse every 2–3 business days over who’s better and texas daydreams about beating the breaks off oklahoma, y’all can’t touch us
— maybe: diane (@dianelyssa) September 10, 2023
20.
21.
Strike needs to end. You know how many birds I can name now? It’s too much.
— Brittani Nichols *Double Strike Version* (@BisHilarious) September 7, 2023
22.
my sister didn’t remember that i left this morning pic.twitter.com/Qoe8GDtRF6
— ann zhao says preorder dear wendy (@annzhao_) September 3, 2023
23.
“Skincare is a scam” lol ok well I’ve been using anti aging products religiously since I was 18, now I’m 34 and can easily pass for 32… who’s laughing now
— Cartoons Hate Her! (@CartoonsHateHer) September 10, 2023
Don't miss the funniest tweets by women last week...
I Cannot Overstate How Completely, Totally, Wildly Hilarious These 24 Tweets By Women Are