Area Man Jealous That His Girlfriend Laughed Harder At These 25 Tweets By Women Than Every Joke He's Ever Told
"I hate when adults say 'tummy.' I'm a grown up. It’s my STOMACH that hurts because I had too many sweets without mother's permission" —@dietz_meredith
The Writers Guild of America strike continues, but fear not! A new season of I Think You Should Leave is coming to Netflix soon to energize the striking masses. Pretty soon, the studios will look around as their profits continue to drop and announce "we're all trying to find the guy who did this."
WELL I WAS WRONG. ITS 176 HOURS. SO. YOU HAVE A LITTLE TIME, STUDIOS. BUT YOU SHOULD STILL GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.
— Lizzie Logan (@lizzzzzielogan) May 22, 2023
In the meantime, make sure you follow all these hilarious ladies on Twitter!
1.
I told my husband I’m going to print off everything for my online class because I’m having trouble keeping it all organized when it’s just online, and he asked if I wanted a bowl of Werther’s. 😩
— Cora Harrington (@lingerie_addict) May 22, 2023
2.
Idk what’s wrong with our parents’ generation and why they love spreading bad news at the drop of the dime
— J*jo S*wa is 39 years old 💇🏼♀️👱🏻 (@arieella_) May 22, 2023
My godmother called me at 10pm and just unloaded so much bad news. I was like …. pic.twitter.com/Evf56jv16W
3.
the taylor swift matty healy thing is already funny bc you know when it's all over and we get the inevitable breakup song it's gonna be like london rain, windowpane, im insane ....you were saying slurs in the cafe but i still Loved You
— ce n'est pas erica (@sourhoestarter) May 19, 2023
4.
You know that joke about black people always running whenever they see someone else running? My mom told me that she saw my cat running like a bat out of hell across the living room and was like “I was about to get up and run too, damn.” 😭 she don’t know about zoomies.
— Ashley Reese (@offbeatorbit) May 21, 2023
5.
How many times is everyone going to the grocery store per week? Is it 26?
— Alison Leiby (@AlisonLeiby) May 21, 2023
7.
i'll see your "live laugh love" sign and raise you an "ew, people" pic.twitter.com/1UvXKcnAqr
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) May 24, 2023
8.
love old American movies’ visual language where it’s trying to show ‘this guy’s lost it! he’s crazy! he’s totally out of control and might do anything’ and it’s a totally normal guy wearing a three piece suit except he has one lock of hair out of place and he’s not wearing a hat
— Alice Podcasts (@AliceAvizandum) May 21, 2023
9.
One thing they teach in nursing school is when your patient is being questioned by police, to step in with “that’s enough for today, he needs to rest” right after he gives a key piece of information, but one sentence short of him telling the whole story.
— Christine Nangle (@nanglish) May 23, 2023
10.
My girlfriend is wearing snap pants to bed so I assume at 3am “y’all ready for this” is gonna blare through the bedroom and she’s gonna sprint out a tunnel and hand a small ball to a child
— Brittani Nichols *Strike Version* (@BisHilarious) May 23, 2023
11.
i hate when adults say “tummy.” im a grown up. it’s my STOMACH that hurts because I had too many sweets without mothers permission
— meredith (@dietz_meredith) May 20, 2023
12.
i told the bus driver he was hot when i got off the bus because life's short but now he's my driver on the way back too so turns out life is long
— You Will Find Your People is out now📕NYC 5/26 (@hellolanemoore) May 20, 2023
13.
[at the mall]
— Heatherhere 🥝🍈🥝 (@Heatinblack) May 19, 2023
Me: nice rack
My husband: keep your voice down
Me: *staring at the Adidas in Foot Locker* what?
14.
miscommunication plots can be fun when it stems from the characters' inherent differences instead of uhh sorry bro that super loud train suddenly passed by when you were making that lifelong confession and i have a dentist appointment rn so i gtg tell me about it later tho
— saz 🐳 (@nyoomzz) May 20, 2023
15.
Bed Bath & Beyond’s going out of business sale isn’t desperate enough for me. TWENTY PERCENT like them little coupons y’all had? Call me when y’all find out what day they shutting off the internet and lights.
— Bed, Bath, and BEYONCE?!?! (@Kyla_Lacey) May 20, 2023
16.
telling a college friend about “bean dad” in 2021 pic.twitter.com/uBh5a3c0bP
— Abby Barr (@1AbbyRoad) May 22, 2023
17.
thinking about the guy who played BOB on "Twin Peaks" & how he was initially a set dresser... imagine showing up to work, wandering into a shot by accident & the boss is like "you are so scary & disgusting that this tv show is about you now"
— Gabrielle Moss (@Gaby_Moss) May 20, 2023
18.
My mom just sent someone on a side quest
— Anne 'In a post-Kickstarter coma' Gregersen (@AnneofManyNames) May 19, 2023
Her folks forgot their phone before going on vacay. So she went to the train station, found a woman going to Copenhagen, and gave her the phone with the instruction:
"When you get to CPH give this phone to a woman who looks just like me"
19.
Pals remember the secret compartment I found in my car? Well I filled it up with little chocolates as an exciting treat and you’re never going to guess what’s happened now the temperature has risen
— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) May 24, 2023
20.
Meal prepping is crucial for having quick and easy access to something i would rather die than eat
— anne (@codinghater) May 23, 2023
21.
🔘 starts task
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) May 21, 2023
✨ disassociates✨
☑️ completes task
22.
If you told me a cake pop could look Kramer, I’m not sure I would have bee-lieved you. pic.twitter.com/sNQnvEVngh
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) May 22, 2023
23.
My toxic trait is I will find someone I think is funny or interesting on IG, follow them, and then immediately be annoyed by all their content.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) May 24, 2023
24.
When people tell me I’ll regret not having kids, I’m like it’s okay I know a really good place to cry. It’s my vacation home.
— Katie Hannigan (@katiehannigan) May 24, 2023
25.
Turns out Leaf Blower Guy, my neighbour of 10 years, knows my actual name so I guess I’m left with no choice but to do the adult thing here and find out his by stealing his mail.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) May 23, 2023
Don't miss last week's funniest tweets by women:
22 Absurdly Hysterical Viral Tweets That Prove No One On Earth Is Funnier Than A Woman
...or the funniest tweets by women in April!
You'll Positively Die Laughing At The 50 Funniest Tweets By Women Last Month