19 Absolutely Hysterical Tweets By Women That Bewitched Me, Body And Soul
"At the airport, I told a woman her toddler son was cute, and she looked at me with profound exhaustion and offered me full custody." —@MoiraDonegan
I very much support the Writers Guild of America strike, but if it goes on much longer, I'm afraid Dan Levy will be severely injured by this snacking goddess:
the woman at paramount who is casually eating snacks while picketing and doesn’t notice her sign keeps almost slapping dan levy in the face because she’s so into her snack is my hero
— ashley "pay writers” ray (@theashleyray) May 8, 2023
Many of the women featured in these weekly roundups are also members of the WGA, so make sure you follow all these hilarious ladies on Twitter!
1.
Having a crush as an adult is so embarrassing. I think someone is so pretty I have a tummy ache about it? Bro be fr
— Riane Konc (@theillustrious) May 8, 2023
2.
Can we please get some older Celebrities to say shocking but excellent things instead of just announcing they’re horrible? Can Dame Judy Dench to be like “pegging is an essential part of a happy marriage”
— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) May 7, 2023
3.
Welp I accidentally cut my daughter’s toast into quarters instead of halves so there goes my week
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) May 8, 2023
4.
told my husband i was concerned about the cleavage in this dress and this was his response pic.twitter.com/gUgeKTalxc
— cait (@punished_cait) May 5, 2023
5.
When my 2yo doesn’t want to talk anymore, she ends the conversation with “happy birthday” and walks away waving bye.
— Princess | Family Wellness (@themultiplemom) May 8, 2023
6.
Once, my mom's friend Linda saw that I'd put ginger in her apple pie recipe and she messaged me on Facebook to say, "I see you slutted up my apple pie." And I think about that comment a lot.
— Lyz Lenz (@lyzl) May 7, 2023
7.
Me: I went on strike, I (as expected) lost my job, I’ve been out walking all week, it’ll be so nice to relax and regroup on Saturday.
— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) May 6, 2023
My Dog: Alright bet, imma go play with that skunk in the yard tho.
8.
sat btwn two guys on a United flight today. one was coding and one was cheating on his wife
— jamie loftus 🌭 (@jamieloftusHELP) May 5, 2023
9.
Saw a guy on the picket line & not to profile, clocked that he wasn’t a writer. Way too much swag. Turns out, he was an agent, mad that he was the only agent out there with us. I said, “Well, thank you for being here. It’s very cool of you.” He shrugged & said, “I love conflict.”
— Caissie (@Caissie) May 9, 2023
10.
it’s so funny seeing old snakebite scars on a corporate professional lmao I know ur secret! I know what u once were!
— Luc (@ellkay_) May 10, 2023
11.
Hate it for the Swifties, but "your friend in her 30s broke up with the man she's been dating since her 20s, the man you ALL THOUGHT she'd marry, and now you have to deal with at least 18 months of her making the Most Unhinged Dating Choices Imaginable," IS a Phase of Life.
— Rachel Hawkins/Erin Sterling (@LadyHawkins) May 8, 2023
12.
no prestigious degree in the world will help you understand gen z marketing. you simply have to be chronically online
— jamie (@itsjamiecho) May 9, 2023
13.
"maybe teenagers today dont wanna smoke pot because we wanna have REAL interests and hobbies" ok well in my day we could multitask
— ashley "pay writers” ray (@theashleyray) May 8, 2023
14.
my five year old texted me and I guess I didn’t text back quickly enough pic.twitter.com/k5aBhqwoeL
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) May 8, 2023
15.
guy on the elevator asked me how tall I was i say 6’2 and hes like no way IM six feet, lets go back to back, I do because lol, he makes his girl take a picture, looks at it says SEE theres eight inches between us and i was like baby you wish you knew what eight inches looked like
— Marcella Arguello (@marcellacomedy) May 10, 2023
16.
I’m jealous of Gen Z for missing the era of the “cute top.” I once asked a forum about club outfits ideas and everyone said “jeans and a cute top” and I said “what’s an example of a cute top” and they all just laughed and told me to Google it
— my [69F] boyfriend [420M] is texting other girls (@CartoonsHateHer) May 10, 2023
17.
At the airport I told a woman her toddler son was cute and she looked at me with profound exhaustion and offered me full custody.
— Moira Donegan (@MoiraDonegan) May 8, 2023
18.
The number of women who accuse you of sexual assault should be 0, not 26. You’re thinking of marathons.
— Ginny Hogan (@ginnyhogan_) May 10, 2023
19.
there should be like a second horn on your car for when the light is green and the person in front of you isn't going bc they're on their phone but you're not like mad about it. hi bestie i love you beep beep it's driving time
— cait (@punished_cait) May 9, 2023
Don't miss last week's funniest tweets by women:
Help!! I Physically Cannot Stop Laughing At These 21 Hysterical Viral Tweets By Women
...or the funniest tweets by women in April!
You'll Positively Die Laughing At The 50 Funniest Tweets By Women Last Month