Skip To Content

    Halloween As An Adult: Expectations Vs. Reality

    Trick or pass out.

    1. The expectation: Since you're an adult now, you'll be swimming in free candy AND booze.

    Cartoon Network / Via img2.wikia.nocookie.net

    Candy candy candy candy candy candy. Candy.

    The reality: No one is going to give you candy.

    jucoolimages.com / Via imagesbuddy.com

    You have to buy all seven giant bags of it yourself, telling the cashier at CVS that it's for trick-or-treaters. But we both know the truth.

    2. The expectation: You're OK with not trick-or-treating. You're an adult!

    NBC / Via tumblr.com

    And you do adult-y things, like your taxes and long division and not whining about candy.

    The reality: YOU WANT ALL THE TRICK OR TREAT CANDY SO BAD.

    Via instagram.com

    YOU NEED IT MORE THAN CHILDREN DO IT RUINS THEIR BODIES ANYWAY AND YOURS IS ALREADY A GARBAGE DISPOSAL.

    3. The expectation: You'll totally have self-control when it comes to eating candy.

    USA / Via blogger.com

    You know, all that candy you had to buy yourself.

    The reality: You'll eat so much candy that you can't tell if you're dead or alive.

    fx

    Your ashes will be spread in the discount candy aisle on Nov. 1.

    4. The expecation: You'll come up with a hella clever costume.

    ABC / Via humortrend.com

    Everyone loves a funny pun costume, right?

    The reality: You'll be a ghost for the seventh year in a row.

    Via instagram.com

    ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    5. The expectation: You and your friends will come up with a bomb-ass group costume.

    Fox / Via lowereastsidetours.org

    You'll invite all your brilliant friends to join in and you'll come up with something brilliant and it'll be so brilliant.

    The reality: No one will even respond to your email about a group costume.

    NBC / Via blogger.com

    Everyone is too busy with work to do anything this year. Except Cheryl. And you only cc'd her by accident.

    6. The expectation: You won't need to put that much effort into a Halloween costume. Right? Right.

    Urban Outfitters / Via cdn2.thegloss.com

    "Sweatpants-wearing trash heap" is a costume, in a way.

    The reality: You will regret your half-assed costume and end up at a costume store at the last minute and it will be horrible.

    Yandy / Via costumei.com

    All that's left is one "Sexy Elmo" costume and a pair of false teeth. And there are 5,000 people fighting over them.

    7. The expectation: You will FINALLY come up with the perfect costume.

    Tumblr / Via splatter.com

    Everyone is going to die of jealousy when they see me because you are a Halloween genius.

    The reality: No one has any idea what you're dressed as.

    Paramount Pictures / Via wordpress.com

    Maybe dressing as the three-boobed lady AS a bent iPhone 6 was too high-concept?

    8. The expectation: Scary movies are even more fun now!

    Dimension Films / Via sharegif.com

    This will be the year you watch The Ring without hyperventilating!

    The reality: Nope, still a chicken crybaby mess.

    Tumblr / Via now-here-this.timeout.com

    Never sleeping again.

    9. The expectation: You can read Creepypasta before bed because you are a rational person who knows the difference between reality and fiction.

    nykkybiv.blogspot.com / Via blogger.com

    You're a grown-up!

    The reality: There is probably definitely something under your bed.

    Buena Vista Pictures / Via tumblr.com

    And it wants to eat your soul.

    10. The expectation: You're going to throw the best Halloween party EVER.

    Paramount Pictures / Via media.giphy.com

    You are the LORD OF SEASONAL FUN!

    The reality: You'll stay in and order pizza.

    CW / Via blogger.com

    You are the LORD OF BEING LAZY AND EATING PIZZA!

    11. The expectation: You'll attend a sexy party in a sexy costume and meet your sexy life partner.

    Capitol / Via globalgrind.com

    You are good at being sexy! (Right?)

    The reality: crushing disappointment.

    Fox / Via i.chzbgr.com

    It's 9 p.m., you're already wasted, you have work tomorrow, and you can't tell whether the people at this party are even wearing masks.

    12. The expectation: You'll transform your home into a Halloween wonderland with fun decorations!

    Warner Bros. / Via dailyfig.figment.com

    It's going to be like a Pinterest board came to life.

    The reality: You'll place one sad mini-pumpkin outside your door.

    FoxADHD / Via tumblr.com

    And then you'll wait too long to throw it out and your whole house will smell like pumpkin sadness until Valentine's Day.

    13. The expectation: Haunted houses are filled with ALL THE FUN!

    Tumblr / Via media.giphy.com

    You can handle this. You're an adult. It's just a hallway full of actors. What's the big deal?

    The reality: You are crying so hard.

    ABC / Via tumblr.com

    Everyone is touching you and that man is holding an ax and you're not sure whether he's even part of this haunted house or some maniac that just walked in and wow you might actually die in here.

    14. The expectation: Halloween-inspired booze sounds SCARY FUN!

    Jensen Farley Pictures / Via tumblr.com

    Hahaha, get it?

    The reality: Nope.

    Passedoutfails.com / Via 1.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com

    Candy corn Jell-O shots might sound like a good idea until you wake up in a parking lot, crying and dressed like a sexy garbage can.

    15. The expectation: Everything is going to go wrong, so there is no point in even celebrating Halloween if you're older than, like, 12.

    Wahlburgers / Via smartladieslovestuff.com

    The reality: WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? HALLOWEEN IS STILL THE BEST.

    KXVO
    KXVO
    KXVO

    Enjoy it, fellow olds.

    Comedy Central

    BuzzFeed Daily

    Keep up with the latest daily buzz with the BuzzFeed Daily newsletter!

    Newsletter signup form