15 People Who Should Have Stayed Home Instead Of Going On These Super-Awkward First Dates
"About 20 minutes after our date, his WIFE, who’d just had their baby a month prior, called me."
1. The guy looking for Darwin's finest:
"The guy picked me up and asked why I looked so tired. I said I had just gotten out of a seven-day migraine, and he turned around and took me home because he doesn’t date 'defectives.'"
2. The one with the wife:
"About 20 minutes after our date, his WIFE, who’d just had their baby a month prior, called me. Apparently, he had a habit of picking up girls. This was not the first time she’d caught him. I apologized and let her know that all we did was meet up and walk with our dogs to the local ice cream place. I sent her the screenshots of all of our messages and blocked his number. He found me on Facebook like five years later and let me know he was divorced. He’s now blocked there too."
3. The girl who didn't want to spoil the movie:
"We went to see a movie, which was based on a book I had read. A scene where a main character was going to die started and I began crying. My date was looking at me in horror because he had no idea why I was crying, and I didn't want to say why and ruin the scene for him. I felt like the biggest idiot. It all worked out in the end and we were married for 26 years."
4. The guy with a girlfriend:
"I went out on a date with a guy I matched really high with on OkCupid. Five minutes into the date, he said he liked to screen people to make sure they'd get along with his 'lifestyle.' He said he had a primary girlfriend who he lived with and was looking for a secondary girlfriend to go on dates with. Not knocking that life for other people, but it's literally in my profile that I'm not looking for polyamory. Then, he spent like an hour trying to convince me to try it."
5. The short 6-foot-tall guy:
"I had a Tinder date with a guy who said he was 6 feet tall. He was actually about 5-foot-6. I chose not to say anything, but he kept finding ways to bring up the fact he was 6 feet — like, he was trying to convince me. Eventually, I said, 'I’m going to be honest. You can’t be 6 feet 'cause I’m 5-foot-9 and, no offense, but you’re shorter than me.' He then spent about 15 minutes trying to convince me I must be over 6 feet tall."
6. The guy with the fake teeth:
"We sat down to eat and he took his front teeth out and put them in his pocket. He had a temporary partial denture that was meant to last two weeks that he’d been using for a year, and he couldn’t eat with it. So he kept taking it out of his mouth for various reasons. So gross."
7. The food critic:
"I had a guy over for dinner after a few previous casual dates, and he didn’t like what I cooked. That’s fine, not everyone is going to like everything, but he bitched about it and berated my skills for half an hour while eating my entire last loaf of bread. I don’t know why I didn’t kick him out sooner."
8. The one where she met part of the family on the first date:
"I went on a dinner date with a guy who was very nice. It was going well and he kept suggesting/bringing up going to a pub after for a drink or two. So after dinner, off we went. Well, it turns out his older sister and her friends were at this pub, and he was bringing me to meet her. We ended up sitting at the table right beside theirs, and she and her friends proceeded to ask me very personal questions. It was too much too soon."
9. The guy who still misses his ex:
"My most awkward date: Almost from the start of our meal, he bitched about his ex-girlfriend, who 'abandoned' him almost a year earlier. He listed everything bad she did to him, everything good he did for her, and everything about her that still pissed him off. He basically made me his therapist for the evening. At least he paid for our meal and my taxi ride home."
10. The guy who was nearly twice his listed age:
"I went on a date with a guy who said he was 30. In the middle of the date, I asked how old he was because he didn’t look 30 and he said, 'I mean, I look like I’m in my 30s.' Around dessert it came out that he’s actually 56. I didn’t want to find out what would happen in another hour."
11. The trap date:
"When I was in school, this guy told me that him and a bunch of people (some of them my friends) were going to the cinema after school and asked if I wanted to come. When I got there, it was just him. I asked where the others were and he said they weren’t coming anymore. I messaged my friend to ask where she was and she told me they had never made plans to go in the first place. I was tricked into a date. I never talked to him again."
12. The fake sugar daddy:
"I met a guy on OkCupid who wanted to be my sugar daddy. We met up for lunch and he only ordered several beers and talked incessantly about his podcast. When I carefully tried to bring the subject around to sugaring, he laughed in my face and told me there are more important things in life than money. Sure — and honesty is one of them."
13. The train conductor:
"He told me he was a train conductor, then proceeded to discuss all the people he had run over and how you just 'get used to it after a while.' Then he rolled right into topic number two: his irritable bowel syndrome. Needless to say, there was no second date."
14. The sleepover at grandma's house:
"This guy brought me to play pool with him and his friends and then proceeded to spend the rest of his money there on booze. His card got declined and we had no way home because his car had run out of gas. We walked to his friend's house, where we aren’t able to stay because he lived with his parents. On the way there, he splashed me by jumping into a puddle. This was a very cold spring night with snow still on the ground. Finally, we make it to his grandma's, where we sleep in separate rooms. We got there at about 3 a.m. and only got to sleep until 8 a.m. before his grandma kicked us out."
15. The date who really just wanted a ride home:
"A friend of a friend expressed interest in me after a night out, so we connected on Facebook. He invited me to a bar he’s a regular at and, when I showed up, he came to talk to me for about five minutes and then spent the rest of the night outside with his friends. I paid for my drinks and left and he offered to walk me to my car. He was clearly intoxicated and, about halfway to the car, said he really just wanted a ride home. I gave him the ride and then never spoke to him again."