21 Totally Accurate Things Drake Would Do

Via @StuffDrakeDoes

There are buku Twitter streams dedicated to satirizing Drake, but none does it quite as beautifully as newbie account @StuffDrakeDoes.

Here are some of its most hilarious and seriously poetic 140-character Drake moments.

1. Drake and philosophy:

2. Drake and balloon:

3. Drake and communication:

4. Drake and Bulbasaur:

5. Drake and twig:

Drake hears a twig snap in his garden. He peeks through the back window. "Is anybody there?" he calls out, half in fear, half in hope.

— Stuff Drake Does (@StuffDrakeDoes)

6. Drake and bath time:

Drake runs a scalding hot bath. A lavender bath bomb. A scented candle. He hugs his knees and dreams of summer until the water goes cold.

— Stuff Drake Does (@StuffDrakeDoes)

7. Drake after a night out:

Drake’s eyes look into the distance searchingly “Take a shot for me” he whispers, whilst emptying his glass into the ocean

— Stuff Drake Does (@StuffDrakeDoes)

8. Drake and empty meaning:

Drake mutes Grey's Anatomy and cracks open his fortune cookie. A slip of paper floats to the floor. Anxiously, he turns it over. It's blank.

— Stuff Drake Does (@StuffDrakeDoes)

9. Drake, when he quit Rihanna:

"Rihanna?" Drake asks. He stabs at the potato he is cutting. "No, I'm afraid I don't know anyone by that name."

— Stuff Drake Does (@StuffDrakeDoes)

10. Drake, when he didn’t really quit Rihanna:

Drake unblocks Rihanna's number. He lays down his phone and gazes up at the stars. "I wonder if they ever get lonely too," he thinks.

— Stuff Drake Does (@StuffDrakeDoes)

11. Drake and fulfillment:

"Any dessert for you, sir?" "Oh no thank you, I'm stuffed!" Drake says, flashing a fake smile. "Stuffed, yet so empty," he thinks.

— Stuff Drake Does (@StuffDrakeDoes)

12. Drake, reflecting:

The snow begins to fall as Drake peers longingly through a coffee shop window. He catches his reflection and doesn't even recognize himself.

— Stuff Drake Does (@StuffDrakeDoes)

13. Drake, and toasting to Drake:

Drake adjusts his bow tie in the mirror before raising a glass of champagne to his reflection. "Happy anniversary, Drake," he whispers.

— Stuff Drake Does (@StuffDrakeDoes)

14. Drake, feeling whole:

Drake sits back and admires the puzzle he has finished. He sips his green tea, then sighs. "There's a still a piece missing."

— Stuff Drake Does (@StuffDrakeDoes)

15. Drake, self-reflecting.

Using a quill, Drake writes "You could do better" onto a scrap of parchment. He puts it into a glass bottle, and tosses it out to sea.

— Stuff Drake Does (@StuffDrakeDoes)

16. Drake, on Halloween:

"Trick or treat!" "No tricks, kids. Just treat her right," Drake says. He hands them an apple each and returns to his armchair.

— Stuff Drake Does (@StuffDrakeDoes)

17. Drake and the most precious jewel:

At the antiques store, Drake finds a weathered jewellery box. "I could keep my heart in this," he thinks. "I could keep it safe forever."

— Stuff Drake Does (@StuffDrakeDoes)

18. Drake and haunted houses:

A floorboard creaks. Somewhere upstairs, a door slams. Drake looks up from his cocoa. Every house is haunted when love leaves it, he thinks.

— Stuff Drake Does (@StuffDrakeDoes)

19. Drake, in a taxi:

A taxi pulls up. Drake gets in. "Where to, sir?" the driver asks. "Just drive," Drake whispers. "Just drive."

— Stuff Drake Does (@StuffDrakeDoes)

20. Drake, leaving it all behind:

Drake hands over his passport at the terminal. "Destination, sir?" Drake shakes his head. "Somewhere else," he whispers.

— Stuff Drake Does (@StuffDrakeDoes)

21. And Drake, never looking back:

Airport security. "Any hazardous materials, sir?" Drake smiles to himself, and shakes his head. "The dagger in my heart," he thinks.

— Stuff Drake Does (@StuffDrakeDoes)

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