I spent most of last year living in Miami — crowned the seventh most dangerous city in the country, with the #1 basketball team (woo!) — so reading about the Florida Man’s fuckery wasn’t funny, because he was my neighbor. Sometimes I couldn’t even walk home without fearing that I was going to fall into a sinkhole and land inside of someone’s torture chamber. And on top of living in the WTF state, I repeatedly made decisions that put me in nerve-racking situations, like that one time that I picked up a hitchhiker who had just been released from jail. So it’s truly a wonder that I survived 2013. Here’s a list of the times when I believed I was going to die, but didn’t:
I’ve been using OkCupid for a couple of years, and after going on more dates than I can remember, I’ve learned that people are really good at hiding how crazy they are, until they start drinking.
It’s Shark Week, and with it comes the reminder that we haven’t monopolized the ocean. Yeah, there are creatures in it that are three times your size and will tear you to pieces like a meat grinder. But in the last 400 years there have only been 36 fatal shark attacks in the United States. So before you incite a panic by hollering for help, make sure that the shark who wrapped its teeth around your ankle isn’t actually a six-pack yoke.
Disclaimer: if you’re lollygagging around Australia’s beaches, you’re eventually going to be attacked by a shark, so disregard this list and swim for the shore because that was definitely a great white that grazed your thigh.
In 2001, Myspace and Photobucket tarnished the term emo. But in recent years, a few bands have tried to restore it to what it meant back when the Kinsella brothers were moniker-hopping and belting out melodically blithe songs about cookie hearts and muddy slush. Here’s a list of ten tracks that best echo the 90s.
A short list of some things that I found while rummaging through my 23-year-old girlfriend’s childhood things (under the guise that I was looking for a pen) that were indicative of how big of a homo she’d grow up to be.