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All the Times I Thought I’d Die, But Didn’t

I grew up in Miami — crowned the seventh most dangerous city in the country, with the #1 basketball team (yeah!) — so reading about the Florida Man’s fuckery wasn’t funny. Sometimes I couldn’t even walk anywhere without thinking about how I might fall into a sinkhole and land inside of someone’s torture chamber. And on top of living in the WTF state, I repeatedly made decisions that put me in nerve-racking situations, like when I picked up a hitchhiker who, hours earlier, had been released from prison. So it’s truly a wonder that I survived 2013. Here’s a list of the times when I believed I was going to die, but didn’t:

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