“If there’s anything I can do, please tell me.” puts pressure on the person grieving to pull themselves together, figure out what they need and reach out and ask for it. Not the easiest thing to do when you’re in a bad place. Meanwhile, the person who said it pats themselves on the back for “being supportive”. Instead, ask specific questions: “do you need help with the pets?” “do you want me to do the laundry?” “do you need food?” “if you want to, I can call ppl for you and tell them what happened” or offer to help with the practical stuff, like calling lawyers, the bank, dealing with the caterers?, sorting the RSVPs to the funeral etc. But DON’T offer any of this if you’re not prepared to do it!!! Also, don’t be offended if you offer a shoulder to cry on and are rejected. I experienced loss and lots of random ppl came out of the woodworks and wanted me to “be there for me”. I’m not going to talk about personal stuff or cry in front of someone I’m not very close with, I’d like to chose for myself who I turn to for support and comfort. I just ignored most of the offers because I had lots to deal with, but then I heard that some of them thought I was rude and ungrateful. Wtf? You don’t offer support to make yourself feel better, so you don’t have the right to be pissy if you’re denied the opportunity to be supportive.