So you've *probably* heard about all the live action movies Disney has been making. Maleficent, Cinderella, and now Beauty and the Beast.
Well I don't know about you, but I think Disney needs to cut the crap and get down to business. Namely, they need to make a live-action version of The Little Mermaid.
Of course, Disney would spare no expense on this fantasy epic. So without further ado, here is your dream cast of The Little Mermaid:
Eric (played by Chris Evans)
What would probably happen: Chris would quit the Captain America franchise to finally pursue his dream role: A DISNEY PRINCE!!!
King Triton (played by George Clooney)
What would probably happen: George Clooney would frequently fight with Flounder the Flounder who played Flounder on set because he always forgot his lines.
Ursula (played by Olivia the Octopus)
What would probably happen: Olivia would eat the crab who played Sebastian at the end of filming because she was really hungry, and octopi don't give a fuck!
Sebastian (played by Chris the Crab)
What would probably happen: Chris the Crab would be a diva on set, and not stop talking about how he has his claws insured for $1 million!
Flounder (played by Flounder the Flounder)
What would probably happen: Flounder would actually replace the original flounder who played Flounder, because they lost him on the sea bed during production and couldn't find him because he camouflaged so well.
Flotsam and Jetsam (played by Morty the Moray Eel)
What would probably happen: Morty is actually considered the most talented actor in the eel film/theater community, so Disney would hire him to play BOTH Flotsam and Jetsam. Oh, the magic of CGI!
Max (played by some random dog)
What would probably happen: Lassie would back out of the roll at the last second (what a bitch) and production would have to scramble to find a replacement.
Chef Louis (played by Guy Fieri)
What would probably happen: Guy would win an Academy Award for his first-ever major acting roll! Spicy!!!
Scuttle (played by Steve the Seagull)
What would probably happen: Steve the Seagull would poop on George Clooney so much during production that Steven Spielberg (who directs the movie) would need to take him aside and tell him to stop shitting on the Oscar-winning actor.
And finally, the title roll you've been all waiting for, drumroll please...
Ariel (played by Taylor Swift)
What would probably happen: Taylor would be nervous about dying her signature blonde locks red for the role, so she would just wear a wig instead!