1.
Do you ever get the feeling that there's something kind of creepy about Elf on the Shelf?
2.
Like, their "thing" is that they are "watching you" and you never know where to "expect them." :(
3.
Their idea of "fun" is not the same as everyone else's.
4.
And they are constantly implying that they know something you don't.
5.
Rule #1: Only serial killers write things in toothpaste.
7.
Especially when you just stand there, waiting for your victim to read it.
8.
Even the nicest sentiments start to sound ominous when they are scrawled on your bathroom mirror.
9.
Actually, basically every message that is not on a Post-it is kind of creepy.
10.
Honestly, this is just aggressive. Don't tell me what to do, you creep.
11.
It's not cute to plaster your face up against the glass of someone's home.
12.
Basically, "lurking" outside is frowned upon for a reason. We should never have let these guys inside in the first place.
13.
Occult symbols are never fun or sweet or nice or uplifting, no matter what anyone says.
14.
And googly eyes are terrifying on everything.
18.
Blackmail, ultimatums, and vague threats are not a good way to make friends.
19.
Neither are cries for help.
20.
Or, frankly, any activity that involves HANGING FROM THE CEILING.
21.
In conclusion: Even if they have the very best intentions...
22.
The elves on the shelves are just way too creepy to live.
