1. “When are you shaving that?”
You’re dead to me. Please get out of my line of sight.
Ron Swanson — Mustache Owner
2. “Are you allowed near schools or playgrounds?”
Shut your mouth, or I’ll shut it for you.
Shaft — Mustache Owner
Nope, but I know your mom.
Eddie Murphy — Mustache Owner
4. “Where’s the rest of your beard?”
This is a life choice.
Robert Redford — Mustache Owner
5. “Are you a cop?”
Yep, and I’m getting too old for this shit.
Roger Murtaugh — Mustache Owner
6. “Do you drive a van?”
Yep, and I’m gonna run your face over with it.
Bill Murray — Mustache Owner
7. “Are you in porn?”
Why do you ask? Because of my incredibly large penis?
Ron Burgundy — Mustache Owner
8. “Does it itch?”
Nope, does this?
Sean Connery — Mustache Owner
9. “So is this an ironic thing?”
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Keith Hernandez — Mustache Owner
10. “Do you get food stuck in it?”
Do you want my foot stuck in your ass?
Sam Elliot — Mustache Owner
11. “What actually is a mustache ride?”
Wouldn’t you like to know?
Tom Selleck — Mustache Owner
12. “Does it tickle?”
All night long…
Lionel Richie — Mustache Owner
13. “Do you think I could pull one off?”
Brad Pitt — Mustache Owner
14. “How long have you been growing it?”
I was born with it.
David Wooderson — Mustache Owner
15. “Do you live in [insert hipster neighborhood]?”
[Takes deep breath] [Exhales] [Walks away]
Russell Hammond — Mustache Owner
16. “Do you ever get laid?”
What do you think?
Billy Dee Williams — Mustache Owner
17. “Aren’t you embarrassed?”
Ryan Gosling — Mustache Owner
18. “How do people take you seriously?”
Martin Luther King Jr & Albert Einstein — Mustache Owners
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