“And here’s something unsettling.” I’ma stop you right there. We have WAY bigger fish to fry than how old they are: Phillip: Knows he’s a royal heir in an arranged marriage, dances with a barefoot chick he finds in a forest ONCE: WIFE HER. Seems legit. Also, digs chicks in comas. Charming (Cindy’s): Foot fetishist, and possibly, most shallow person ever. (“I don’t care what your name is, where you’re from, if we’re compatible, if you WANT to marry me, or even hear from me again. Now. IS. THIS. YOUR. SHOE???”) Thinks chicks running away from him is kinda hot. Beast/Adam: Emotionally manipulative kidnapper with anger issues, shitty table manners. Sheds on the furniture. Which is also ALIVE. Try to sit down ANYWHERE knowing THAT. Prince Eric: So. Freaking. Dense. Come on - you REALLY have no idea that’s her?? And what does it say about a guy who’s all about a woman who CAN’T TALK? Also: “It’s kind of awkward we’re in love, cuz you’re totally not the girl I decided to love forever that one time I had that concussion.” Ariel: “…” Charming (Snow White’s): I will see your coma, and raise you: “Digs girls in COFFINS.” An EXCELLENT tenor, however. Aladdin: Compulsive liar, kleptomaniac, social climber, and misogynist. May or may not have fleas. Flynn/Eugene: Also a lying klepto outlaw, but the lying stems from a lack of self-confidence, so, the most palatable one out of the bunch, so far. Wait, what did I just say? Prince Naveen: “Responsibility blooooows. Let’s play banjos and not get a job forever.” Actually, I think he might be my new favorite. Where’s my banjo? In their defense: THEY ARE SO. DAMN. PRETTY. Here comes the smolder…
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