1. George shooting Lennie in Of Mice and Men.
Really, George? You just had to send Lennie to “tend the rabbits”? That was a dick move and you know it.
2. Titus baking Chiron and Demetrius into pies, and serving them to their family in Titus Andronicus.
Revenge is a dish best served piping hot and with a flakey crust, according to Shakespeare. Nevertheless, it’s still a dick move.
3. When the jury convicts Tom Robinson in To Kill a Mockingbird.
The evidence of his innocence was overwhelming, making the conviction a big time dick move.
4. Amy being all Amy-ish in Little Women.
Where to begin? Not only does she steal Jo’s trip to Europe and take Laurie from Jo, she burns Jo’s book! What a grade-A dick move. The jury’s still out on whether she stole the “sephine” from Jo, as well.
5. Tinkerbell telling the Lost Boys to “Shoot the Wendybird!” in Peter Pan.
Tinkerbell is so jelly of Wendy that she essentially puts a hit on her, proving even faeries can pull dick moves.
6. Jack stealing Piggy’s glasses in Lord Of The Flies.
Not only do Jack and the other kids steal Piggy’s glasses, they add insult to injury by killin’ him! What a bunch of little dicks, literally and figuratively.
7. Anything the boy does in The Giving Tree.
“And the boy did… Grow up to be a dick.”
8. Whoever busted Jean Valjean for stealing a loaf of bread in Les Misérables.
Send a guy to jail for 19 years for stealing a loaf of bread? DICK MOVE!
9. Tom hustling other kids to paint the fence in Adventures of Tom Sawyer.
He’s not being entrepreneurial, he’s just pulling more dick moves.
10. Dolores Umbridge forcing Harry to write “I must not tell lies” in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.
This made me so mad when I originally read it, that I literally yelled “Fuck you!” out loud. Only true dick moves make me do that.
11. Holmes letting Watson try to figure out a crime, only to tell him he’s wrong in every Sherlock Holmes novel.
Holmes only let’s Watson do so to make what he says brilliant seeming. Methinks I detect a dick move!
12. Esther and Betsy puking in the back of a cab, and covering it with Kleenex in The Bell Jar.
“There is nothing like puking with somebody to make you into old friends … Well, except for pulling dick moves on cab drivers!”
13. Moby Dick living up to the hype in Moby Dick.
Reading, you think “Nah, he’s just a whale; Ahab will get him,” then BAM! He kills everyone save Ishmael. A Moby Dick-move, some would say, but hey, he was being hunted after all.
14. Holden losing the fencing team equipment on the subway in The Catcher in the Rye.
As a bonus dick move, he wears that stupid hat.
15. Percy stomping on poor Mr. Jingles the mouse in The Green Mile.
“Percy” is such a dick name that no one should have been surprised when he pulled such a dick move.
16. Walder Frey’s “Red Wedding” revenge in A Storm of Swords.
THE NORTH NEVER FORGETS DICK MOVES!
17. Edmund giving up his family for more Turkish Delight in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.
Turkish Delight isn’t even that good. It’s not like the Queen was offering him Double Stuf Oreos, because then I might be able to forgive this dick move.
18. Odysseus taunting the Cyclops in The Odyssey.
Why you gotta be a dick, Odie? You got away and blinded the poor bastard, who now has no eyes, mind you. That was a full-on hubris dick move.
19. The kids being mean to Miss Nelson in Miss Nelson is Missing!
When you pull dick moves on your teacher, you get Miss Viola Swamp. Remember that, kiddies.