1. Strategically jaywalk in zigzags so that not a second is wasted.
The unspoken rule: If the light just turned a solid red, you cross really quickly so that you can breeze through the “walk” light on the next street. Careful about that new law though.
2. Tune out literally anything on the subway.
Break dancers. Homeless people. Mariachi bands. It’s all the norm.
3. Pay $700 a month to share a room via curtain partition, live in a closet, or sleep on the floor.
Rent is so expensive. No one understands — except maybe London.
4. Camp out overnight for SNL tickets.
Everyone’s done it for some kind of exclusive show.
5. Or wait in two-hour lines for brunch/Trader Joe’s/Shake Shack.
It’s New York. Great food is everywhere. Why do we do this?
6. Craftily weave through the crowds to get on that fully packed 6 train.
Where there’s a will, there’s a way, and it usually involves contorting your body for four stops.
7. Lean over the yellow subway line to see if a train’s coming (as if it’ll make it come any faster.)
SO CLOSE TO THE EDGE.
8. Scarf down 2 Bros Pizza and then run to a party.
Or eat while walking. Who has time to sit?
9. And then go through a million trains just to get to said party in Brooklyn.
Why not cab? Or not go?
10. Squeeze into super-crowded (but free!) yoga classes, which sort of defeats the purpose.
Nothing is more relaxing than worrying you’ll kick everyone in the face at Yoga to the People.
11. Watch TV shows in bars because Time Warner is too expensive/annoying.
And also it’s fuuun. But mostly — who needs cable?
12. Pile trash on top of already overflowing trash.
The problem is that too many of us are trying to not litter at once?
13. Ride bikes in traffic, during blizzards, with no helmet on.
Extra points if you wear headphones like the brave soul pictured above.
14. Walk at super speeds to avoid anyone with a clipboard.
Step 1: Make sure they’re looking at someone else for a split second. Step 2: RUN.
15. Or just walk really fast even though the people in front of you are taking their time.
And then swiftly go around them even if you’re not in a particular rush to be anywhere. YOU JUST CRAVE THE SPEED.
16. Commit to costumes on every occasion, and then wear them on the subway.
Halloween. Santa Con. Comic Con. The No Pants Subway Ride. People take their costumes seriously here, and there’s no shame in it.
17. Wait for hours to watch the ball drop on New Year’s.
How do they pee?
18. NOT wait for hours to watch the ball drop on New Year’s.
Then again, it’s so iconic! Shouldn’t everyone go at least once?