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29 Reasons Jon Stewart Is The Most Perfect Man On Earth

Hi Jon. Thanks for daily showing me your stunning good looks and flawlessly erudite charm.

1. Because he was the cutest athlete of all time.

 

He played soccer at the College of William & Mary, from which he graduated in 1984.

2. And he even made this haircut look semi-decent.

3. He’s a self-made comedian.

 

After college, Stewart worked as a contingency planner for the New Jersey Department of Human Services, a contract administrator for the City University of New York, a puppeteer for children with disabilities, a soccer coach at Gloucester High School in Virginia, a caterer, a busboy, a shelf stocker at Woolworth’s, and a bartender as he honed his comedy act at places like the Comedy Cellar.

4. He’s the first person we turn to for trenchant coverage of even the worst news.

5. In 2009, Americans voted him their most trusted newsman.

Bryan Bedder / Getty

That’s right, he beat out BRIAN WILLIAMS.

6. Even the White House has acknowledged his ability to bring awareness to important political matters.

Ethan Miller / Getty

In 2010, White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs told reporters that Stewart may well have helped pass a health care bill for 9/11 first responders.

7. Because you would look like a total idiot wearing this hoodie and not like a suave GQMF.

8. He once debated Bill O’Reilly and totally won.

Getty / Jamie McCarthy

9. Because he has embarrassing blips in his career just like you:

10. Like the ’90s horror classic The Faculty:

11. Because he still has home state pride:

(He grew up in Lawrenceville, N.J.)

12. The time he owned Tucker Carlson ON HIS OWN SHOW:

13. At 50, he’s pretty much the definition of silver fox.

Getty / Kevork Djansezian

You satire that news for me, Jon. You satire it good.

14. His kids are really, really adorable:

Getty

15. He proposed to his wife, Tracey McShane, with a personalized crossword puzzle created with the help of Will Shortz, the crossword editor at the New York Times.

Getty / Kevork Djansezian

(They’ve been married since 2000.)

16. Because he successfully trolled Donald Trump:

Amazing how the haters & losers keep tweeting the name “F**kface Von Clownstick” like they are so original & like no one else is doing it...

— realDonaldTrump (@Donald J. Trump)

Jon Stewart @TheDailyShow is a total phony –he should cherish his past—not run from it.

— realDonaldTrump (@Donald J. Trump)

As I’ve said many times before, Jon Stewart @TheDailyShow is highly overrated.

— realDonaldTrump (@Donald J. Trump)

17. He gives good pun:

18. He’s obsessed with Bruce Springsteen, like any good New Jerseyan.

Getty / Larry Busacca

In December 2009, Stewart gave a speech at the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts honoring Springsteen, one of 2009’s Kennedy Center Honors recipients. In March 2012, he interviewed him for Rolling Stone. In February 2013, Stewart gave another speech paying tribute to Springsteen as part of the singer’s MusiCares Person of the Year award ceremony. Springsteen has also appeared on the Daily Show several times.

19. He makes fun of everything, including himself:

20. He can take credit for introducing the world to John Oliver:

23. And Aasif Mandvi:

24. And that one guy, Stephen Colbert.

25. And of course, he says some really great stuff:

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