10 Grandiose Proclamations About What Women Will Do In 2013

They’ll rule TV, buy a lot of cell phones, and wear blue. posted on

1. Women “will rule cable TV.”

The folks over at Slate wonder: “Could this finally be the year that, after more than a decade of prestige cable television dedicated to the anxieties of amoral, middle-aged men, women finally get their shot at star billing, both in front of the camera and behind it?”

Indeed, cable shows like Girls, Homeland, Shameless, and even The Walking Dead will mean more excellent leading roles for females in 2013. But… they also did in 2012.

2. And they will “change the face of the GOP.”

Jonathan Ernst / Reuters

U.S. News says that in 2013, women like New Hampshire Senator Kelly Ayotte and South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley will revolutionize a Republican party that, throughout 2012, was criticized for being full of white men. Republicans do need to appeal to women (particularly after the “legitimate rape” debacle), but with just four Republican female senators, four Republican female governors, and 19 Republican women in the House, it’ll be a fairly steep uphill battle.

3. They will wear blue.

And not just any old blue! It’ll have to be Monaco Blue, Pantone’s top color for women’s clothing in Spring 2013. You’ll need to throw away all powder blue and royal blue, pronto.

This is NOT to be confused with the Color Of The Year, which for 2013, is Emerald, and is universal and gender-blind.

4. But when they marry, they will wear red.

A bunch of celebrities wore non-white wedding dresses last year (Anne Hathaway, Jessica Biel) and designers like Oscar de la Renta showed colorful dresses for their 2013 collections. Wedding industry experts say this means to expect wedding dresses in colors like blue and red.

5. Women will buy a lot of smartphones.

Jason Getz/Atlanta Journal-Constitution / MCT

Women with smartphones reportedly text more and use more social media than their male counterparts, so naturally, women are becoming the key target for smartphone makers. Oh great, all the new phones will be be pink and sparkly! Err, let’s hope not.

6. That includes your mother.

Pichi Chuang / Reuters

This female usage of smartphones will particularly rise among the 50 and up set, says the Apollo Research Institute.

7. Women will finally, maybe, get some more startup funding.

dapd / AP

“In 2013, we expect to see more women receiving funding,” says the well-regarded Webbmedia Group 2013 Tech Trends report. Over the past few years, women have notably struggled to secure venture capital funding for tech startups, largely attributed to gender stereotypes that suggest men are better at coding and running tech companies. A 2012 AdWeek story called these men “bro-grammers.” Let’s also hope we don’t hear that god-awful term in 2013.

8. They will be really happy, if they’re doctors.

Being a “diagnosing medical doctor,” i.e. a physician, dentist, or optometrist is the “best job for women in 2013,” according to Dr. Laurence Shatkin, an expert in job markets who wrote Best Jobs for the 21st Century. Female doctors apparently hit the happy medium: they have a strong career trajectory, they make good money, and oh… they also like their jobs.

9. We’ll stop caring about women’s issues.

Brian van der Brug/Los Angeles Times / MCT

After all the attention given to women in 2012 (see: the debate over Planned Parenthood’s funding during the election, the general “war on women,” etc.), Policy Mic says the attention paid to women’s issues will drop. The argument is that, since abortion rights, access to contraception, and equal pay won’t win or lose anyone an election in 2013, people will stop caring about those issues entirely.

10. Women will start dressing like they’re in “50 Shades Of Grey”

When designing their 2013 collections, it would appear some were inspired by the success of Fifty Shades of Grey in 2012. Hervé Leger and Tom Ford, in particular, showed these bondage influences. If fashion forecasters are on point, expect street style blogs to be full of whips and chains in a few months’ time.

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