1. Christmas Cupid
This is a horrible take on “A Christmas Carol” starring Chad Michael Murray and Christina Milian. It has the all-too-same plot line of some highbrow chick who is just sooo wrapped up in her work she forgets about the miracle of CHRISTMAS. Until one of her clients die and becomes the ghost of Christmas something. Then Christina Milian makes out with Chad Michael Murray a bunch and Christmas is saved.
2. A Halfway House Christmas
Do you like feel-good movies about drug addicts? Do you like feel-good movies about drug addicts in rehab set during Christmas? If you answered yes then you’re one of the three terrible people who are willing to watch this on Netflix! Also, it stars Ryan Dunn.
3. Holiday In Handcuffs
This little gem stars Melissa Joan Hart and Mario López’s failing careers. And the plot line is completely terrifying. Hart’s character is a struggling artist waitressing for money. She then KIDNAPS, yes KIDNAPS one of her customers (López) at gunpoint and brings him home for the holiday. Then by some weird Stockholm Syndrome turn of events, they fall in love.
4. Black Christmas (2006)
So basically, whoever created this movie took a great classic holiday horror and turned it into a steaming pile of cliché BS. The plot is pretty much the same as every other horror movie. Crazed maniac “Billy” comes back to the house he once lived in to terrorize a group of terrible actresses. I mean sorority girls. Actually terrible actresses is also fitting.
5. Elf Bowling-The Movie
This is based on a computer game. And hey, I’m not knocking video games-turned movie. But this game didn’t have a plot to begin with. I mean, it was literally bowling with elves instead of pins. Yeah, I know this is a children’s film, but that doesn’t answer WHY it was even made begin with. Give your kid a copy of “Home Alone” and I’m sure they’ll be just as happy and probably won’t blame you for ruining their lives once they become teenagers.
6. Christmas with a Capital C
Here’s a movie the whole world can enjoy! Because, as they stated in the trailer, Christmas is the one holiday EVERYONE celebrates. All over the world. In “Christmas With A Capital C” the Grinch of an atheist (who is also kind of like a weird parallel universe Jack Donaghy since he’s played by Daniel Baldwin) comes to town and tries to take Christmas away! And then the protagonist wins through a series of moral boosting events, like running for mayor and making sure signs say “Merry Christmas” and not “Seasons Greetings”. Because seasons greetings is like giving a big middle finger to Jesus.
7. Gingerdead Man 2: Passion of the Crust
How there was even a budget to make a SECOND Gingerdead Man is beyond me. I would describe the plot here, but there really isn’t one unless you consider profane gingerbread men cracking bad punchlines and chopping people in half a plot.
8. Jeff Dunham Very Special Christmas
I don’t think I owe this one an explanation.
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