The 25 Whitest Things That Have Ever Happened

#WhitePeople. posted on

1. These tattoos:

Level of whiteness: Saying a cat has the “heebie jeebies.”

2. This guy demonstrating his complete lack of jumping ability:

Level of whiteness: The drummer in Mumford & Sons.

3. Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s handshake miss:

Level of whiteness: Macklemore eating froyo.

4. This girl catching herself swearing:

Level of whiteness: The word “stay-cation.”

5. This girl’s bad start to her modeling career:

Level of whiteness: Putting your dog on a gluten-free diet.

6. Kaylynn’s adventure to the hospital:

Level of whiteness: The name “Kaylynn.”

7. This future NBA star warming up:

Level of whiteness: Asking your mom for a Go-Gurt.

8. These ravers getting down:

Level of whiteness: Putting lyrics to the song “Wagon Wheel” in your Twitter bio.

9. This guy caught mid-Snapchat:

Level of whiteness: Pronouncing Target “tar-shay.”

10. This girl receiving her award for being “whitest person in the room”:

Level of whiteness: Yelling “KOBE!” while dunking on a basketball hoop in a pool.

11. This guy losing his goddamn mind:

Level of whiteness: ABC Family.

12. This couple grinding:

Level of whiteness: Frosted tips.

13. These newscasters doing their thing:

Level of whiteness: “Toodles.”

14. This girl’s problem:

Level of whiteness: Owning a pony in the first place.

15. This arm-wrestling match:

Level of whiteness: Saying “the struggle” despite living a life devoid of struggles.

16. This handshake:

And this handshake:

And this one too:

Level of whiteness: Losing your virginity to a James Blunt CD.

17. This celebration:

Level of whiteness: Saying “okeydokey” seriously.

18. These potential baby names:

Level of whiteness: Losing a child in a farmer’s market.

19. This break-dancer losing his goddamn balance:

Level of whiteness: Owning a Vespa.

20. This girl doing ANYTHING for the perfect selfie:

Level of whiteness: The word “selfie.”

21. This unfortunate woman left hanging:

Level of whiteness: Spending hours wondering if you should get bangs or not.

22. This “friendship engagement”:

Level of whiteness: Arguing over maple syrup.

23. This lonely, dancing Teletubby:

Level of whiteness: Instagramming a pair of New Balance shoes.

24. This girl’s last moonwalk:

Level of whiteness: Nutella in a bread bowl.

25. And this little kid:

Level of whiteness: Yelling “heavens to Betsy!” after burning your mouth on a pumpkin spice latte.

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