1. The expectation: Since you're an adult now, you'll be swimming in free candy AND booze.
The reality: No one is going to give you candy.
2. The expectation: You're OK with not trick-or-treating. You're an adult!
The reality: YOU WANT ALL THE TRICK OR TREAT CANDY SO BAD.
YOU NEED IT MORE THAN CHILDREN DO IT RUINS THEIR BODIES ANYWAY AND YOURS IS ALREADY A GARBAGE DISPOSAL.
3. The expectation: You'll totally have self-control when it comes to eating candy.
The reality: You'll eat so much candy that you can't tell if you're dead or alive.
Your ashes will be spread in the discount candy aisle on Nov. 1.
4. The expecation: You'll come up with a hella clever costume.
5. The expectation: You and your friends will come up with a bomb-ass group costume.
The reality: No one will even respond to your email about a group costume.
6. The expectation: You won't need to put that much effort into a Halloween costume. Right? Right.
The reality: You will regret your half-assed costume and end up at a costume store at the last minute and it will be horrible.
7. The expectation: You will FINALLY come up with the perfect costume.
The reality: No one has any idea what you're dressed as.
8. The expectation: Scary movies are even more fun now!
The reality: Nope, still a chicken crybaby mess.
9. The expectation: You can read Creepypasta before bed because you are a rational person who knows the difference between reality and fiction.
The reality: There is probably definitely something under your bed.
10. The expectation: You're going to throw the best Halloween party EVER.
The reality: You'll stay in and order pizza.
11. The expectation: You'll attend a sexy party in a sexy costume and meet your sexy life partner.
The reality: crushing disappointment.
12. The expectation: You'll transform your home into a Halloween wonderland with fun decorations!
The reality: You'll place one sad mini-pumpkin outside your door.
13. The expectation: Haunted houses are filled with ALL THE FUN!
The reality: You are crying so hard.
14. The expectation: Halloween-inspired booze sounds SCARY FUN!
The reality: Nope.
15. The expectation: Everything is going to go wrong, so there is no point in even celebrating Halloween if you're older than, like, 12.
The reality: WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? HALLOWEEN IS STILL THE BEST.
Enjoy it, fellow olds.
