I am glad you’re in a good mood, because it’s another disturbing Monday in America. You know, we went into the weekend worrying about Kim Jong Un starting a war. We came out of it wondering if our president is cutting eyeholes out of his bedsheets.
As you know, this weekend in Virginia the worst people in the United States went to the hardware store, bought Tiki torches, lit them up, and marched. In Charlottesville, a non-violent protester was killed by a white supremacist. And so the president — who is the president, by the way — went on television to say this: "We condemn in the strongest possible terms this egregious display of hatred, bigotry, and violence — on many sides. On many sides." He started strong and then he had to throw in “on many sides.” “Well, let’s not lay all the blame on the Nazis and the Klan, there were people who marched against them, you know.” And then for two days he had no further comment — the one thing he decides to be quiet about is this.
Of course, everybody went nuts, because there weren’t many sides. Protesters were shouting Nazi slogans, they were carrying Nazi flags, one of them killed a young woman and injured dozens of other people with his car — there were two sides, not many sides. And one of those sides had Nazis on it. All he had to do was condemn the Nazis. It shouldn’t have been a difficult thing. It’s not exactly a controversial stance. It’s not like we asked him to come out against puppies or something. They’re Nazis and Klan members and people who put pineapple on pizza — they’re terrible people.
And it isn’t as though he doesn’t like to speak out. You know, when Donald Trump is upset, when there’s something serious happening, he doesn’t keep it bottled up — he lets us know: "Now they’re making Ghostbusters with only women? What’s going on?!" Good question, what is going on? So the reaction to this was enormous, Angela Merkel, the German chancellor, called this rally evil and disgusting. And you understand what that means, that means Germany is taking a stronger stance against Nazis than we are. And they invented them.
So then, after much prayer and reflection, the president decided to take the difficult step of condemning Nazis and the Klan, which was big for him, because this is the sort of thing that could alienate his base. Even he knew he had to say something, and so after a few minutes of bragging about the economy, he did.
"Racism is evil, and those who cause violence in its name are criminals and thugs, including the KKK, neo-Nazis, white supremacists, and other hate groups that are repugnant to everything we hold dear as Americans."
What a difference a teleprompter makes, you know? It’s night and day. He sounds like a kid whose parents made him apologize for egging their neighbor’s house. It’s unbelievable. If there’s any silver lining to this — and there isn’t, by the way — it’s that whatever summer vacation he was hoping to have is now ruined. It has been a terrible vacation.
Even though The Tonight Show isn’t a political show, it’s my responsibility to stand up against intolerance and extremism as a human being. What happened over the weekend in Charlottesville, Virginia was just disgusting. I was watching the news like everyone else, and you’re seeing, like, Nazi flags and torches and white supremacists, and I was sick to my stomach. My daughters were in the next room playing, and I’m thinking, “How can I explain to them that there’s so much hatred in this world?” They’re two years old and four years old. They don’t know what hate is. They go to the playground and they have friends of all races and backgrounds, they just play, and they laugh, and they have fun.
But as kids grow up, they need people to look up to — to show them what’s right and good. They need parents and teachers, and they need leaders who appeal to the best in us. The fact that it took the president two days to come out and clearly denounce racists and white supremacists is shameful. And I think he finally spoke out because people everywhere stood up and said something. It’s important for everyone, especially white people in this country, to speak out against this. Ignoring it is just as bad as supporting it.
And remember, there are people who have given their lives to make sure this kind of hate doesn’t spread. They fought and died on the right side of history. One brave woman in Charlottesville, Heather Heyer, died standing up for what’s right at the age of 32.
I can’t look at my beautiful, growing, curious daughters and say nothing when this kind of thing is happening. We all need to stand against what is wrong, acknowledge that racism exists, and stand up for what is right and civil and kind. And to show the next generation that we haven’t forgotten how hard people have fought for human rights, we cannot do this. We can’t go backward. We can’t go backward.
This is the part of the show where we talk about the news. [Sighs] so let's do it. Two days, two days! How did it take so long to condemn this? Trump condemned Nazis today the way my 4-year-old son does when I ask him to put dishes in the dishwasher. "Fine, I'll do it..."
Now before denouncing the groups — and this is true — Trump took time to brag about how well the economy is doing. He's right, though, we've had huge gains in the economy — especially in sales of pitchforks, torches, and white sheets.
Two days! It took Trump two days to be convinced to come out against Nazis and white supremacists.
We can't allow Trump's terrifying silence on this to distract us from what happened over the weekend. Over the last 24 hours I've been so wound up over the president silence I'm finding myself forgetting how worrying and disgusting the people who marched are. And the fact that events like these can occur in 2017 appalls any decent human being.
You know, people lost their lives this weekend. Racists aren't anything new. They've been around longer than all of us. But on the whole over the past few years they felt the need to hide in the shadows, and I hope that this outpouring of disgust for them will make them go back in the shadows or better yet disappear.
I hope that any kids who are watching family members on TV over the weekend, and now see these people being publicly shamed, will realize that there's a better future possible. A future of hope, and kindness, and love and that needs to start with this country's leader setting that example.
“On many sides.” If that choice of words made you feel sick to your stomach, the good news is, you’re a normal and decent person. The jury’s still out on the president, as he initially refused to condemn the white supremacist movement in this country. Now, he did read a statement at the White House today that finally struck the right tone, but I’m sorry, pencils down on this subject was Saturday evening. He only gets very partial credit.
Some ignored it or played it down when Donald Trump claimed our first black president wasn’t born in this country. It was racist and insane, but he was written off as a clown, a bitter little man who didn’t know an American could have a name like “Barack Obama.” Then he called Mexicans rapists during the speech announcing his candidacy. He called Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas.” Then he brought Steve Bannon to the White House with him, worked to take away voting rights from black people, and hammered away at the idea that Chicago was a wasteland because of the black people living there. And now white supremacists and American Nazis are visible and energetic in a way we’ve not seen in our lifetimes. Donald Trump did not immediately denounce the white supremacist movement when given the chance, and now, whether he knows it or not, many of those people see him as leading that movement.
The leader of our country is called the president because he’s supposed to preside over society. His job is to lead, to cajole, to scold, to correct our path, to lift up what is good about us and to absolutely and unequivocally and immediately condemn what is evil in us. And if he does not do that, if he does not preside over our society, then he is not a president. You can stand for a nation or you can stand for a hateful movement. You can’t do both. And if you don’t make the right choice, I am confident that the American voter will. Thank you, guys.
"Many sides? Mr. President, this is terrorism, not your order at KFC. “I’d like the 10-piece bucket with potato wedges, fries, mashed — you know what? Many sides. Many sides. Cole slaw…”
How can you possibly say you condemn this in the strongest possible terms when you don’t even name the groups responsible or say what they did? “I strongly condemn you-know-who about you-know what, and you know what, aren’t we all Nazis if you think about it?” I have seen angrier Yelp reviews, and they weren’t afraid to use the word “Nazi” when describing how long their jalapeño poppers took.
Here’s the problem — this is the nut of what’s most disturbing about this is that the president came out after a tragedy, and after he made his statement, reasonable people could not tell if he was condemning Nazis.
And it’s not like Trump is a shrinking violet. He’s known for criticizing things! If only the president was as mad about neo-Nazis murdering people in the streets as he’s been about Hillary Clinton, the New York Times, CNN, Joe Scarborough, Kristen Stewart, the cast of Hamilton, Diet Coke, Nordstrom not selling his daughter’s clothes, Arnold Schwarzenegger, the mayor of London, Sadiq Khan, me, the state of New Hampshire, Gold Star families, Penn Jillette’s Las Vegas show, the movie Django Unchained, Meryl Streep, and lady Ghostbusters.
Now here’s the thing. Some people didn’t need their anti-Nazi statements explained later. Like the mayor of Charlottesville, who called the rally “a cowardly parade of hatred, bigotry, racism and intolerance.” Which, coincidentally, was also the theme of Steve Bannon’s Senior Prom … under the sea!
Also, you might recall that on Friday, the white supremacists held a torch-wielding march, only they were holding Tiki torches. How lame! That’s like villagers coming after Frankenstein holding scented candles. “Aaaaaaagh, oooooh, arrrr, sandalwood vanilla baaaad. Arrrrrr.” ... I gotta say, it’s pretty troubling when a back-yard decoration company comes out swinging harder against Nazis than the President of the United States. Your move, lawn flamingos!
So, faced with getting morally dumped on by pretty much everybody, the president dug a trench, lowered the bar into it, and then slithered over it, somehow finding the courage to read a statement clearly written by somebody else.
Racism is evil, and those who cause violence in its name are criminals and thugs, including the KKK, neo-Nazis, white supremacists, and other hate groups that are repugnant to everything we hold dear as Americans.
And here’s another thing, and I don’t know where I’m finding the courage to say this, here’s another thing I don’t like about Nazis. A lot of the Nazis showed up at the rally wearing their uniform of khakis and white polo shirts. Because nothing strikes more fear into the hearts of your enemies than cosplaying as the assistant manager of a pool-supply company. Look. Look, Nazis. You don’t get to turn khakis and white polo shirts into the official uniform of racism. What’s gonna happen to guys who actually dress like that? People like me and Jake from State Farm? Do I have to throw out all my polo shirts now? Well, two can play at that game. If you get to ruin khakis and and polo shirts, I say red baseball caps mean you’re an asshole.
