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23 Things People Who Aren't Going To Glastonbury Are Tired Of Hearing

Oh god, please stop talking to me about druids.

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6. People tweeting, "I just heard an amazing rumour about who's playing a secret gig."

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I heard that Prince is doing a secret gig in The Glade with David Bowie, Beyoncé, and a hologram of Elvis.

8. "Of course the real action happens up at Lost Vagueness/Trash City/Shangri-La/whatever it's called this year."

Matt Cardy / Getty Images

This is a place an hour's trudging distance from where you are. When you get there, the crush is so immense you can't get in.

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13. Anybody acting surprised by the price of food.

Matt Cardy / Getty Images

You are, quite literally, a captive market. You are exhausted and starving and you're being held prisoner in a peat bog with a giant metal fence around it. Be thankful the burger van staff don't demand sexual favours.

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22. "The sun has come out for [insert band here]!"

Matt Cardy / Getty Images

The weather is a system of incredible complexity and awesome power. It does not change its plans for the benefit of Kasabian.