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21 Reasons Your Canadian Childhood Has Actually Ruined You For Life

A French-speaking pineapple still fuels your nightmares.

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1. You developed severe trust issues after learning miniature hippos are not real.

2. And that normal functioning people didn't actually live on their couch and stuff crap into its cushions.

3. The government taught you that drugs were bad by SCARING THE MESS OUT OF YOU AS A KID.

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4. And of all the things to fear, there was a strange amount of PSAs about losing a limb.

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youtube.com

From the infamous "War Amps" public service announcement: "I am Astar. A Robot. I can put my arm back on. You can't. So play safe."

5. You slowly realized that something about YTV's programming was just, well, a little off...

6. Like, how totally gross and graphic Yvon Of The Yukon got...

YTV
YTV

7. And whose highdea it was to shrink a family's kid to the size of a pencil...?

YTV
YTV

8. Every kid secondhand acid-tripped after watching Angela Anaconda.

Teletoon / Via shining-kouika.tumblr.com

9. For those in Immersion, a French-speaking pineapple fueled your nightmares.

TVOntario

10. You needed counseling after some anthologies on Are You Afraid Of The Dark?

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They were 1000x more likely to f*ck you up than the States' Goosebumps series.

11. I mean...

12. You did not find "The Head" in Art Attack charming or amusing: It was simply disturbing.

13. All of the creepy children's shows eventually got translated into French, which only made them creepier.

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youtube.com

14. You were excited to use your school's computers until you realized they were tricking you into playing MATH GAMES.

imgur.com

Shout out to Math Circus, but only in Canada would your first brush with a live computer be educational.

15. Your pop idols were mostly young and angry, so you naturally became quite angsty yourself.

16. You opened a Kinder Surprise with so much hope, only to uncover a dumb figurine, or worse, A STICKER.

WORST TOY EVER FROM A KINDER SURPRISE I WANT A REFUND

☯@mccanniacFollow

WORST TOY EVER FROM A KINDER SURPRISE I WANT A REFUND

7:20 PM - 10 Jan 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

17. You went out of your way to collect POGS, a hot fad that then quickly became just a stack of useless circular cardboard.

18. You suffered a lifetime of sticky index fingers from giant sour keys.

19. And racking your brain over how Aero bubbles are made????

20. Everything you knew about leading a healthy lifestyle was from the painfully 90s Body Break commercials.

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youtube.com

21. As strange and quirky as your childhood now seems, it's mostly ruined the safe and sometimes subpar things that are offered to kids today. Nothing will ever quite compare.

CBC
CBC

RIP to Canada's beloved childhood grandpa, Mr. Dressup.

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