21 Reasons Your Canadian Childhood Has Actually Ruined You For Life
A French-speaking pineapple still fuels your nightmares.
2. And that normal functioning people didn't actually live on their couch and stuff crap into its cushions.
3. The government taught you that drugs were bad by SCARING THE MESS OUT OF YOU AS A KID.
4. And of all the things to fear, there was a strange amount of PSAs about losing a limb.
5. You slowly realized that something about YTV's programming was just, well, a little off...
6. Like, how totally gross and graphic Yvon Of The Yukon got...
7. And whose highdea it was to shrink a family's kid to the size of a pencil...?
8. Every kid secondhand acid-tripped after watching Angela Anaconda.
9. For those in Immersion, a French-speaking pineapple fueled your nightmares.
10. You needed counseling after some anthologies on Are You Afraid Of The Dark?
11. I mean...
12. You did not find "The Head" in Art Attack charming or amusing: It was simply disturbing.
13. All of the creepy children's shows eventually got translated into French, which only made them creepier.
14. You were excited to use your school's computers until you realized they were tricking you into playing MATH GAMES.
15. Your pop idols were mostly young and angry, so you naturally became quite angsty yourself.
16. You opened a Kinder Surprise with so much hope, only to uncover a dumb figurine, or worse, A STICKER.
17. You went out of your way to collect POGS, a hot fad that then quickly became just a stack of useless circular cardboard.
18. You suffered a lifetime of sticky index fingers from giant sour keys.
19. And racking your brain over how Aero bubbles are made????
20. Everything you knew about leading a healthy lifestyle was from the painfully 90s Body Break commercials.
21. As strange and quirky as your childhood now seems, it's mostly ruined the safe and sometimes subpar things that are offered to kids today. Nothing will ever quite compare.
RIP to Canada's beloved childhood grandpa, Mr. Dressup.