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More like the Rogue Ceremony, amirite?
Get it? Because he looks like Howie from The Backstreet Boys. Ugh fuck, idk, it's day four of recapping, my brain is going into shutdown mode.
Thomas is all, "But we have a deeper connection, you said so yourself!" and Megan is like, "True, but you didn't make me laugh."
Thomas is still confused because he doesn't see how Megan and Jake can know each other for a couple of weeks and not have formed a deep connection. Thomas clearly doesn't date much in the real world. Tbh, I'm with Megan on this – if you're not actually having fun or laughing on the first date, cut that shit.
"I think Megan is missing out on something that could be really special," Thomas says about himself. I admire his modesty.
Except no one really cares.
"You only get to say this for the first time, once," Grant says. "You make me so happy, I love you."
CUE THE TEARS, AM I RIGHT?! Kidding, no tears from me, I can't drum up any emotion whatsoever for Barbie and Ken over here.
Ali, at least, is over the moon. "I would die for this person," she insists to the camera. Is that what being in love is meant to feel like? Because I've just realised I probably haven't ever been in love. But I would die for a bottle of pinot grigio right now.
I don't see them tying you down Leah, off you go.
Rachael could not be more white in this moment in time. "It looks like dirty water," she says wide-eyed to the camera, not sounding mildly racist or anything.
Jared is all for learning about the culture and drinks the Kava like it's giving him new life. Rachael's all "it tastes like dirt!" while Jared encourages her to keep drinking it. I'm really starting to like Jared more and more. Which is important for you guys to know, obviously it's all about me.
Double dare you, Leah!!
Jared likes Rachael because it's the first time someone has genuinely been into him this whole time, minus me at home.
Look, I do not see any connection between these two apart from the fact they both have no one else interested in them. Which is relatable af.
Simone and Leah, hereby known as the most bonkers people on the island after red-faced Jarrod, talk about how leaving "heartbroken" is a better look than walking out when jealous. "I'll just let it happen, and get dumped. I'm heartbroken, let's roll with that," Leah says.
Doll, you're being filmed.
Leah must be an only or youngest child.
Jared is basically like, "yeah we have no connection," while Leah bats her eyelids and tells him she's been thinking differently. Leah then says if he offers her a rose, she'd accept it, but she wouldn't accept it from anyone else.
Leah! Go home!
Rachael, Keira, Jarrod, and Grant all talk to him about Leah being manipulative. While American Jared is somewhat shook, he's said this whole time his rose is going to Rachael.
AHhhHhhhHHHHhh, Thomas is gonna do a Michael at the rose ceremony, I'll eat Jarrod's fedora if I'm wrong.
Yes, thank you, I will gratefully accept this Walkley.
The stable couples stay stable. Eden and Elora are still here handing roses to each other for some reason. And sure enough, Thomas steps up and gives his rose to Rachael.
She eventually accepts it after saying, "What do I do?!" 107 times.
Jared reluctantly gives his rose to Leah.
"I said all week I was going home..." Leah starts, on what could've been a deeply moving speech, had Queen Keira not interrupted with a loud, resounding, "BOOOOORING!"
The other ladies all tell Leah if she ever threatens to leave again, they'll kick her out themselves.
Don't get weird and clingy if you don't hear from me. We'll chat Sunday.