Another Person Went Rogue In Tonight's Rose Ceremony On "Bachelor In Paradise"

More like the Rogue Ceremony, amirite?

Guess who's back? Back again? Bach is back! Tell a friend... to get me a wine, ASAP, please, I'm begging you.

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Last night, Megan landed herself in a confusing love triangle with Jake and Thomas. Now, she pulls Jake aside to talk to him about her date.

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Jake's not used to feeling emotions like jealousy, love, and, well, any emotion really, so he's really been taken for a spin with this situation. Megan is still confused about where her head is at, and doesn't tell Jake she kissed Thomas. Jake tells Megan he's willing to fight for her, but needs to know if there is something to fight for. Megan cries, Jake eventually walks off, and the girls swoop in to comfort Megan.

Megan finally reaches the conclusion that the fact she is so upset about hurting Jake means that she actually does care for him. It's a stupid storyline but it's nice to see some proper human emotion when someone feels guilty when it comes to "cheating". I know some people who should take note.

*cough, Davina on Married At First Sight, cough*

As the sun rises on a new day, Megan finally tells Jake she inserted her tongue into Thomas' mouth.

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"Kissing Thomas the whole time, I was thinking about you and how good it is with you," Megan tells Jake.

Jake is annoyed and thinks they'll need to have some "big conversations", but he's pacified by the fact Megan has chosen him. Also maybe he had a human moment of realising he wasn't perfect in the Florence and Megan sitch.

Megan pulls Thomas aside and tells him she's going to "Quit Playing Games" (with his heart).

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Get it? Because he looks like Howie from The Backstreet Boys. Ugh fuck, idk, it's day four of recapping, my brain is going into shutdown mode.

Thomas is all, "But we have a deeper connection, you said so yourself!" and Megan is like, "True, but you didn't make me laugh."

Thomas is still confused because he doesn't see how Megan and Jake can know each other for a couple of weeks and not have formed a deep connection. Thomas clearly doesn't date much in the real world. Tbh, I'm with Megan on this – if you're not actually having fun or laughing on the first date, cut that shit.

"I think Megan is missing out on something that could be really special," Thomas says about himself. I admire his modesty.

Leah is flapping around the island telling everyone she wants to leave.

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Except no one really cares.

Ali is getting concerned that Grant is being a weirdo and not talking to her, but he eventually drags her down to the beach to drop the L-bomb.

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"You only get to say this for the first time, once," Grant says. "You make me so happy, I love you."

CUE THE TEARS, AM I RIGHT?! Kidding, no tears from me, I can't drum up any emotion whatsoever for Barbie and Ken over here.

Ali, at least, is over the moon. "I would die for this person," she insists to the camera. Is that what being in love is meant to feel like? Because I've just realised I probably haven't ever been in love. But I would die for a bottle of pinot grigio right now.

Rachael gets the date card and takes American Jared.

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Leah tells a producer she wants to go home.

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I don't see them tying you down Leah, off you go.

Rachael and Jared arrive on a small island and watch a ceremony with some Fijian men making Kava.

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Rachael could not be more white in this moment in time. "It looks like dirty water," she says wide-eyed to the camera, not sounding mildly racist or anything.

Jared is all for learning about the culture and drinks the Kava like it's giving him new life. Rachael's all "it tastes like dirt!" while Jared encourages her to keep drinking it. I'm really starting to like Jared more and more. Which is important for you guys to know, obviously it's all about me.

Leah continues having a big old tanty about wanting to go home.

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Double dare you, Leah!!

Rachael and American Jared have a sit down and talk about the Leah situation.

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Jared likes Rachael because it's the first time someone has genuinely been into him this whole time, minus me at home.

Look, I do not see any connection between these two apart from the fact they both have no one else interested in them. Which is relatable af.

Leah is all of a sudden pretending to be devo about American Jared getting a date.

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Simone and Leah, hereby known as the most bonkers people on the island after red-faced Jarrod, talk about how leaving "heartbroken" is a better look than walking out when jealous. "I'll just let it happen, and get dumped. I'm heartbroken, let's roll with that," Leah says.

Doll, you're being filmed.

Rachael and American Jared return, and Leah practices looking really sad.

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Leah must be an only or youngest child.

At the rose ceremony, Leah pulls American Jared aside for a chat.

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Jared is basically like, "yeah we have no connection," while Leah bats her eyelids and tells him she's been thinking differently. Leah then says if he offers her a rose, she'd accept it, but she wouldn't accept it from anyone else.

Leah! Go home!

The next few scenes focus on American Jared learning that Leah has been planting a lot of little rumours.

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Rachael, Keira, Jarrod, and Grant all talk to him about Leah being manipulative. While American Jared is somewhat shook, he's said this whole time his rose is going to Rachael.

We've seen a few flashes of Thomas and Rachael talking during this cocktail party, and suddenly I know what's going to happen next.

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AHhhHhhhHHHHhh, Thomas is gonna do a Michael at the rose ceremony, I'll eat Jarrod's fedora if I'm wrong.

We finally get to the Rogue Ceremony.

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Yes, thank you, I will gratefully accept this Walkley.

The stable couples stay stable. Eden and Elora are still here handing roses to each other for some reason. And sure enough, Thomas steps up and gives his rose to Rachael.

Rachael has no fkin idea what to do.

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She eventually accepts it after saying, "What do I do?!" 107 times.

Jared starts freaking the eff out having to pick between Leah, someone he's talked to but is bonkers, and Sasha, someone he's never talked to in his life.

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Jared reluctantly gives his rose to Leah.

"I said all week I was going home..." Leah starts, on what could've been a deeply moving speech, had Queen Keira not interrupted with a loud, resounding, "BOOOOORING!"

Sasha goes home without the chance to gently nibble on a rose.

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The other ladies all tell Leah if she ever threatens to leave again, they'll kick her out themselves.

OK, well that's it from me! Rest up and have a margarita or seven.

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Don't get weird and clingy if you don't hear from me. We'll chat Sunday.