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How Dad Is Your Dad?

"What's the damage?"

Posted on
ABC / Via youtube.com
  1. Tick off every embarrassing thing your dad has done:

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    Asked “what’s the damage?” when presented with a restaurant bill.
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    Said “is it that time of year already?” when you say you’re going for a shower.
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    Asked your vegetarian friends if they have “been cured of their affliction?”
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    Asked a waitress for "a verrrrry, verrrry small bill please.”
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    Passed comment on the neighbour’s cat.
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    Added your friends on Facebook.
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    Liked your friend's pictures on Facebook.
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    Liked random things that appear on his Facebook timeline, like the fact that one of your mates is going to a club night.
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    Put “Love from Dad” at the end of texts.
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    Given you extensive directions to a place even though you have access to Google Maps.
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    Printed off Google Maps even though he has sat nav.
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    Argued with his sat nav.
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    Changed his sat nav voice to one with a sexy accent.
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    Insisted he knows better than the sat nav and taken you on a much longer route than you needed to take as a result.
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    Been incapable of booking a holiday without using a travel agent.
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    Quizzed your S.O. on their “intentions”.
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    Laughed so loud at a restaurant that other families turn to look.
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    Signed an internet petition.
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    Sent you articles he read in the paper in the post.
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    Turned off the WiFi when he doesn't need it
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    Deleted texts he doesn't need.
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    Swapped name labels with another dad at parents' evening.
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    Made inappropriate comments at parents' evening.
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    Forgotten his glasses at a restaurant so you have to read the menu to him.
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    Tipped the waiter via a stealthy handshake
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    Said, “what a nice girl” when your waitress leaves the table.
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    Corrected typos in the menu to the waiter.
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    Called a foreign waiter "garçon".
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    Pretended he can't afford the bill and offered to do the washing up instead.
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    Got his phone light out to read the menu in a restaurant.
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    Owned a head torch.
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    Said, “is that a top?” when it is clearly a dress.
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    Said, "did you forget to put your trousers on?" when you are clearly wearing shorts.
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    Asked, “if you were told to jump off a cliff, would you?”
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    Said, "I remember the original!" about every song on "The X Factor".
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    Made conversation about a squirrel on the lawn.
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    Supervised a house party and got way too into it.
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    Done all the Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve.
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    Bought you a Christmas present that comes in parts and wrapped up every part individually, even if one of those parts is just batteries.
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    Got your siblings and you Christmas presents from the 3-for-2 deal at Boot’s.
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    Danced. Ever.
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    Texted in all caps.
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    Referred to periods as "women's troubles".
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    Bought your Mum’s birthday present from the petrol station.
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    Talked for more than five minutes about a motorway.
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    Discussed the route you took to get to a destination with all the other dads when you arrive.
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    Insisted everyone in the car be quiet when the traffic report comes on.
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    Insisted everyone leave the house at 5am for a holiday so as to miss the traffic.
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    Spent ages deciding what to eat in a restaurant, asked to hear the specials twice, and then ordered the same thing as always.
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    Gone to a restaurant with a coupon and panicked about it not working.
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    Gone clothes shopping once a year to buy the exact same thing.
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    Asked, "were you born in a barn?"
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    Asked, "What did your last slave die of?"
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    Said “the final frontier” whenever someone says "space".
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    Fallen asleep at the cinema.
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    Taken a travel pillow to the cinema with the sole intention of falling asleep.
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    Shared memes from Facebook groups called things like "Dads with Daughters”.
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    Had a conspiracy theory.
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    Worn a short-sleeved shirt.
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    Got to the airport four hours early.
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    Told your S.O., “You can call me John” even though they already called him John.
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    Done a really lame April Fool's prank like switching the salt and sugar.
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    Tried to fix a DIY problem, failed, and then got so embarrassed that the whole family had to pretend it was fixed.
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    Said “NEVER HEARD OF HIM/HER” about most celebrity guests on chat shows.
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    Fancied one specific female celebrity and mentioned said crush every time she's on TV.
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    Joked about putting their football team as their “religion” on the census but being too scared to actually do it.
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    Said “You lot never let me watch what I want on TV,” and then spent all of Saturday watching the darts.
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    Refused to ask for directions when lost.
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    Fallen asleep on the sofa.
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    Refused to get a professional to come in and fix something he definitely can’t fix.
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    Given comprehensive business advice to waiters and shop staff who do not run the businesses they work at.
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    Said “five of your English pounds please.”
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    Hugged you so hard it actually hurt a bit.
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    Worn an outfit with the intention of embarrassing you.
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    Not let you eat in his car because of the crumbs.
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    Told you not to slam the car doors, especially if it's a hire car.
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    Sang along to a tape in the car and got the words wrong.
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    Recorded something, not watched it, but not let you tape over it either.
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    Worn an embarrassing hat.
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    Worn embarrassing swimwear.
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    Insisted on shaking your S.O.’s hand really hard.
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    Said, "nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition."
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    Shouted, "TURN THE LIGHTS OFF."
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    Said, "wait 'till you pay the bills."
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    Said “Oo err” at an innuendo, like Kenneth Williams.
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    Been obsessed with black ice.
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    Talked at length about the dishwasher and the best way to stack items inside it.
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    Worn socks with sandals.
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