Hi, Emma.
You're back. In the "Celebrity Big Brother" house. Whose theme you have just described as "Russian opulence".
This year, all housemates have been handcuffed together in pairs.
1. Jim Davidson and Linda Nolan are together.
Jim said he's "dirty, smutty, homophobic, racist and sexist". Linda said she hates "male chauvinist pigs". AND NOW THEY HAVE TO PEE, HANDCUFFED TO EACH OTHER.
Really hope the vile Jim Davidson is out first on #CBB not that it'll deflate his massive ego - he's a horrible human being
Justine Ive
@kaikouramonkey
Really hope the vile Jim Davidson is out first on #CBB not that it'll deflate his massive ego - he's a horrible human being
It's Linda Nolan. She's like, um, one of The Nolan's. Ya know, the one not on Loose Women.
Chris Moyles
@CHRISDJMOYLES
It's Linda Nolan. She's like, um, one of The Nolan's. Ya know, the one not on Loose Women.
2. Dappy and Liz Jones are in the house too.
Although they're not handcuffed together, because Jim and Linda elected to save them. BOOOO.
Dappy's like the kind of guy you run away from in oceana
Ella
@ellatheotter
Dappy's like the kind of guy you run away from in oceana
Keeping in touch with the family who are at home watching #CBB Liz Jones eh? Any chance she could be kept in there forever?
Phillip Schofield
@Schofe
Keeping in touch with the family who are at home watching #CBB Liz Jones eh? Any chance she could be kept in there forever?
Still, Dappy will obviously be amazing because once he got kicked in the face by a horse...
... and then tweeted this picture of himself, wearing a onesie, with his attacker.
BUT WHATEVER DAPPY DOESN'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK OK.
That's why he told the Metro, "If someone says that their willy is bigger, I will have a measure-up."
3. TOWIE's Sam Faiers and Jasmine Waltz have been tied up.
Jasmin appears to be famous for sleeping with David Arquette and punching Lindsay Lohan, FYI.
And they're an amazing pair because they are basically the same person.
What a fabulous show. I am so proud of my BFF @SamanthaFaiers she looked absolutely beautiful. Can't wait for this series. #Sam2WinCbb
Ferne McCann
@fernemccann
What a fabulous show. I am so proud of my BFF @SamanthaFaiers she looked absolutely beautiful. Can't wait for this series. #Sam2WinCbb
4. (Single) Lee Ryan and (single) Casey Bachelor have been handcuffed together.
This was Lee Ryan's last tweet before entering the house.
"You cannot create experience. You must undergo it." (Albert Camus)
Lee Ryan
@LeeRyanMusic
"You cannot create experience. You must undergo it." (Albert Camus)
And this was Casey's last bath.
5. Next up, MIC's Ollie Locke and Lionel Blair.
Hang on, let's revisit the fact that these people literally have to urinate, handcuffed to one another.
Wishing my very good friend and beautiful boy @ollielocke the very best of luck in the @CelebBigBrother house! He's gonna win hands DOWN! ;)
Alexandra Felstead
@BinkyFelstead
Wishing my very good friend and beautiful boy @ollielocke the very best of luck in the @CelebBigBrother house! He's gonna win hands DOWN! ;)
6. And finally, The Apprentice's Luisa Zissman and Evander Holyfield (that man whose ear Mike Tyson once bit off) are a couple.
AHHHHHHHHHHHH.
OMG OMG OMG SO EXCITING.
But also, this.
Dear the universe: should you have any meteorites going spare, Jim Davidson is in the same place as Luisa Zissman and Lee Ryan #CBB
fleetstreetfox
@fleetstreetfox
Dear the universe: should you have any meteorites going spare, Jim Davidson is in the same place as Luisa Zissman and Lee Ryan #CBB