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Gray-Haired Logan Lerman, Son Of Poseidon, Has Officially Flooded My Southern Region

It's the silver foxification for me.

Aaaah, Logan Lerman! A fresh-faced bb of yesteryear.

Stephen Lovekin / Getty Images

One of the teen actors who sparked a lot of my own adolescent sexual discovery, I might add.

20thcentfox / ©20thCentFox/Courtesy Everett Collection

He had it all in my tween-aged mind: the piercing blue eyes, the air of mystery, a YouTube channel he made with his friend called, like, MonkeyNuts69 or something. He was perfect.

Summit Entertainment / Summit Entertainment/Courtesy Everett Collection

But just when I needed him most, Logan Lerman vanished.*


Ana Corrigan /

And he's returned with GRAY!!!!!! HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ana Corrigan /



Thanks to Logan's more social media–active and also ridiculously hot girlfriend — who I hope can forgive me for writing this article — we plebes now have more photographic insight into the life and times of our Salt-and-Pepper King™!!!!!!!!!!!

Ana Corrigan /

Girls and gays, Logan Lerman is no longer Percy Jackson. He is now Percy Blow-Out-My-Back-Son, and we need to go buy Plan B. STAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ana Corrigan /

Oh yes, this is exactly how I'd wished the son of Poseidon would ~mature~...

Ana Corrigan /

SHARP CUT TO: My lady basement currently.


The sheer acts of utter cl*wnery I would commit for this man are harrowing, to say the least.


Gray-Haired Logan Lerman™ could send me a GREEN(!!!!!!!) "U up?" text at 2 a.m. and my ass would mask up, call an Uber, and be at his doorstep come morning.

I would WILLINGLY(!!!!!!!!!!) let Gray-Haired Logan Lerman™ explain the rules of sports to me and I'd lie and say, "Oh, I get it now!" just to make him *holds in vomit* feel good about himself.

I want Gray-Haired Logan Lerman™ to doink me so hard that I uncontrollably scream out "SON OF POSEIDON!!!!!!!" mid-penetracíon and waves start crashing all around us and a single lightning bolt splits the sky and it's a moment we both never, EVER FORGET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ana Corrigan /

And for what it's worth, I would pay ***TOP DOLLAR*** to be Gray-Haired Logan Lerman™'s face mask. And if I cannot be it, I would simply like to quarantine inside of it. Thx!

Ana Corrigan /

Basically, as someone who has unfortunately found herself sexually attracted to Gill from Finding Nemo during quarantine, this is just...too much.

Ana Corrigan /

So thank you, Gray-Haired Logan Lerman™, for aging in perfect accordance with my taste in men. I love you, and as you can probably tell, I am completely unhinged.

Ana Corrigan /

PLEASE KISS ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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