Aaaah, Logan Lerman! A fresh-faced bb of yesteryear.
One of the teen actors who sparked a lot of my own adolescent sexual discovery, I might add.
He had it all in my tween-aged mind: the piercing blue eyes, the air of mystery, a YouTube channel he made with his friend called, like, MonkeyNuts69 or something. He was perfect.
But just when I needed him most, Logan Lerman vanished.*
UNTIL NOW.
And he's returned with GRAY!!!!!! HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Liiiiiiiiiiiike...............
Thanks to Logan's more social media–active and also ridiculously hot girlfriend — who I hope can forgive me for writing this article — we plebes now have more photographic insight into the life and times of our Salt-and-Pepper King™!!!!!!!!!!!
Girls and gays, Logan Lerman is no longer Percy Jackson. He is now Percy Blow-Out-My-Back-Son, and we need to go buy Plan B. STAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh yes, this is exactly how I'd wished the son of Poseidon would ~mature~...
SHARP CUT TO: My lady basement currently.
The sheer acts of utter cl*wnery I would commit for this man are harrowing, to say the least.
Gray-Haired Logan Lerman™ could send me a GREEN(!!!!!!!) "U up?" text at 2 a.m. and my ass would mask up, call an Uber, and be at his doorstep come morning.
I would WILLINGLY(!!!!!!!!!!) let Gray-Haired Logan Lerman™ explain the rules of sports to me and I'd lie and say, "Oh, I get it now!" just to make him *holds in vomit* feel good about himself.
I want Gray-Haired Logan Lerman™ to doink me so hard that I uncontrollably scream out "SON OF POSEIDON!!!!!!!" mid-penetracíon and waves start crashing all around us and a single lightning bolt splits the sky and it's a moment we both never, EVER FORGET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And for what it's worth, I would pay ***TOP DOLLAR*** to be Gray-Haired Logan Lerman™'s face mask. And if I cannot be it, I would simply like to quarantine inside of it. Thx!
Basically, as someone who has unfortunately found herself sexually attracted to Gill from Finding Nemo during quarantine, this is just...too much.
