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Gray-Haired Logan Lerman, Son Of Poseidon, Has Officially Flooded My Southern Region

It's the silver foxification for me.

Aaaah, Logan Lerman! A fresh-faced bb of yesteryear.

One of the teen actors who sparked a lot of my own adolescent sexual discovery, I might add.

He had it all in my tween-aged mind: the piercing blue eyes, the air of mystery, a YouTube channel he made with his friend called, like, MonkeyNuts69 or something. He was perfect.

But just when I needed him most, Logan Lerman vanished.*


And he's returned with GRAY!!!!!! HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Thanks to Logan's more social media–active and also ridiculously hot girlfriend — who I hope can forgive me for writing this article — we plebes now have more photographic insight into the life and times of our Salt-and-Pepper King™!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls and gays, Logan Lerman is no longer Percy Jackson. He is now Percy Blow-Out-My-Back-Son, and we need to go buy Plan B. STAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh yes, this is exactly how I'd wished the son of Poseidon would ~mature~...

SHARP CUT TO: My lady basement currently.

The sheer acts of utter cl*wnery I would commit for this man are harrowing, to say the least.

Gray-Haired Logan Lerman™ could send me a GREEN(!!!!!!!) "U up?" text at 2 a.m. and my ass would mask up, call an Uber, and be at his doorstep come morning.

I would WILLINGLY(!!!!!!!!!!) let Gray-Haired Logan Lerman™ explain the rules of sports to me and I'd lie and say, "Oh, I get it now!" just to make him *holds in vomit* feel good about himself.

I want Gray-Haired Logan Lerman™ to doink me so hard that I uncontrollably scream out "SON OF POSEIDON!!!!!!!" mid-penetracíon and waves start crashing all around us and a single lightning bolt splits the sky and it's a moment we both never, EVER FORGET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And for what it's worth, I would pay ***TOP DOLLAR*** to be Gray-Haired Logan Lerman™'s face mask. And if I cannot be it, I would simply like to quarantine inside of it. Thx!

Basically, as someone who has unfortunately found herself sexually attracted to Gill from Finding Nemo during quarantine, this is just...too much.

So thank you, Gray-Haired Logan Lerman™, for aging in perfect accordance with my taste in men. I love you, and as you can probably tell, I am completely unhinged.

PLEASE KISS ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!