Hello, world. My name's Stephen LaConte, I'm a writer here at BuzzFeed, and according to my friends and family, I'm pretty darn good at giving advice.
So I've invited BuzzFeed readers like you to message me on Instagram and Twitter (@StephenLC in both places) with your biggest problems. And I'm solving 'em in front of millions of internet strangers, one DM at a time.
Today we've got this woman, whose boyfriend recently proposed to her. The problem? He did it with his ex-fiancé's ring:
Alright, here's the deal: I have some problems with the fact that your fiancé proposed to you with a dirty ring that once belonged to his ex. But I have an even BIGGER problem with the fact that he tried to be sneaky about it.
You say you only knew the ring was used because it had signs of wear and tear, and your suspicions were confirmed when you found the dated receipt. So it sounds like he tried to pass this ring off as a new one, which is a major red flag — and, frankly, a terrible way to kick off your lifetime commitment to each other.
Now, to be clear, I'm not precious about engagement rings. If a couple decides to save a little money by using an old ring they've got lying around, more power to them! But that only works if it's a decision the couple makes together, with full disclosure about any and all past lives the ring has had.
You are an absolute trooper for trying to find a way to make this ring work by redesigning it. And if a redesign is really going to solve the issue for you, go for it! But if you'd rather have a ring that has never been on his ex's finger, that is an extremely normal and understandable thing to request. Nobody would call you a bridezilla over that.
And the old ring doesn't have to go to waste, by the way. He can sell it and use the money to get something else. That's almost certainly what he should have done in the first place, and you are well within your rights to ask him to do it now.
But before you decide what to do with the ring, I think you need to decide what to do with your relationship. Does your fiancé have a history of doing stuff like this? Were you surprised when it happened? Is he a liar? Can you trust him?
Ask your fiancé some frank questions about how this whole ring mess came to be. And then ask yourself some frank questions about whether or not you believe him. Listen to your gut on this. You're better off asking these questions before you marry him, even if the answers are painful. (Heck, especially if the answers are painful.)
And if you DO decide to stick with him, please make sure you get a ring you're comfortable with. You'll be seeing that ring on your finger every single day for the rest of your life. If looking at it makes you angry, sad, or resentful, you and your fiancé are due for a trip to the jeweler.
That's all the advice I'm giving today, folks, but if you've got any words of wisdom for our bride-to-be, please share them in the comments. I'll be reading!
P.S. Do YOU have a problem that you want fixed in front of thousands of Internet strangers? DM me! I'm @StephenLC on Instagram and @StephenLC on Twitter. See you in the DMs!
